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Sex after 60 (NAME CHANGING ALLOWED)

(110 Posts)
CariGransnet (GNHQ) Tue 15-Nov-16 09:37:00

The sexuality of people over a certain age seems to be something of a taboo subject - but not for esteemed French psychologist Marie de Hennezel.

In her new book, Sex After Sixty: a French guide to loving intimacy, she looks at how emotional intimacy plays a huge role in maintaining a sex life as you age and how knowing how to take pleasure as it comes, rather than focussing on what could be, can be the key to a more erotic and satisfying sexuality.

She will be answering your questions on the above and more - simply leave them on this thread before Tuesday 29 November. Note that if you'd prefer to change your name for this, that is absolutely fine - just drop us a line at [email protected] and we can sort that out.

Marie de Hennezel is the author of two ministerial reports about caring for those with terminal illnesses, and has written ten books about growing older, including the Sunday Times top-5 bestseller The Warmth of the Heart Prevents Your Body from Rusting. Her books have been translated into 22 languages.

From attending Tantric workshops to interviewing dozens of sexually active older people, de Hennezel looks at the role that sex plays in our health and sets out on a quest to discover how you can continue to enjoy a satisfying sex life into old age. She brings her insight as a psychotherapist - along with her Gallic joie de vivre and frankness - to bear on a subject that has been brushed under the carpet for too long. Having seen the sexual revolution first-hand in France in the 1960s and 70s, today de Hennezel - born in 1946 - argues that it's time for a new sexual revolution, one which acknowledges that sex is important at any stage of adulthood, and which embraces many different ways of making love. In a society saturated by online porn and 'hook-up culture', reflecting on intimacy and learning from those who know how to make it last is more important than ever, making her book essential reading for lovers of any age.

GertrudeGrace Wed 16-Nov-16 12:02:23

I'm posting this because it is a problem I had that has now been fixed but I need to spread the word in case others are just putting up with it. Since the menopause the scar tissue caused by a tear when in labour had got tighter and tighter, so much so that sex had become impossible. I visited the GP at least three times and was prescribed hormone treatment, a different type each time but none of them made any difference. By a stroke of luck a new GP joined the practice and she took a look, the first one to do so. I had a very simple day op called a Fenton procedure and it has got things working again. I put up with it for about 18 months before this new GP came and it was making us quite miserable. it was such an easy op and the outcome has cheered us both up no end.

specki4eyes Thu 17-Nov-16 12:48:45

Marthajolly1 - I'm in exactly the same situation as you and wondering how its going to be after such a long time being celibate. My lovely new man is a widower who has also been celibate for some years having nursed his (now) late wife through cancer.
What astonishes me is that in my youth I was a bit of a goer - not what you would call promiscuous but plenty of 'magic moments' with various boyfriends. Now I feel like a simpering virgin anticipating and worrying about how this is all going to happen!
What the hell has happened to us sixties gals!
So, anyway he is coming to stay over this weekend and I'm so pathetic, I'm preparing the guest room, so he wont feel pressured!
Help!!

kittylester Thu 17-Nov-16 14:19:55

Hope it turns out well, specki - which ever way it goes. flowerswinesunshine

Gardenman99 Thu 17-Nov-16 15:16:30

We are in our mid 60s and still enjoy a weekly session we have been married 45 years. I often tell my wife she is a fantastic mother grandmother friend and lover. I thank god for her. If you don't use it you lose it.

norose4 Thu 17-Nov-16 15:54:56

Leave the worry behind marthajolly1, cosy comfy place , glass of bubbly, soft lights (essential ?) laughter also essential! Deep heat for pulled muscles & coco & slippers for dessert !!

specki4eyes Thu 17-Nov-16 22:02:30

thanks Kitty - its been a roller coaster ride since we met at East Mids airport hotel! But I'm getting there! Hope you are well.

Shanma Thu 17-Nov-16 23:46:26

Why on earth would anyone wish to discuss their sex lives on a public forum? Seems odd to me

mumofmadboys Thu 17-Nov-16 23:51:28

Maybe because it can be anonymous and you don't have to speak to someone face to face

kittylester Fri 18-Nov-16 07:28:37

And you might find people in the same boat or help someone who isn't as brave.

That is the good thing about Gransnet - we are in it together - usually!

f77ms Fri 18-Nov-16 08:13:41

You can also choose not to read it if it offends you Shanma .

Wobblybits Fri 18-Nov-16 08:54:13

Just seen this thread and when i saw the new car sex post, I got very excited (perhaps I should have read further posts). We got a new car a couple of weeks ago, raced into the garage and gave it a try, wasn't that impressed, and now how do I get this black ring of soot off my willy ?

TriciaF Fri 18-Nov-16 13:02:26

The lady who will (hopefully ) respond to our comments/questions is french, and I'm slowly discovering how different the french attitude is to sexual matters.
They seem to be much more pragmatic, you don't hear jokes about it so much. Just open - "he/ she's feeling amoureux/se" etc . Maybe something to do with the fact that so much of France is agricultural.
It would be interesting to hear her views on these differences.

LadyGracie Fri 18-Nov-16 15:33:41

Didn't see that coming Wobblybits grin

Greyduster Fri 18-Nov-16 16:26:42

Hope you weren't too 'exhausted' after that, wobbly! Sorry folks! Back in my box now!

grannylyn65 Fri 18-Nov-16 18:06:18

Wobbly shockshock

Wobblybits Fri 18-Nov-16 18:13:48

Not sure what I would have done if it was one of these newfangled AC/DC thingies. But to make sure it was safe sex, I put out the warning triangle.

Jalima Fri 18-Nov-16 19:27:48

Wobblybits
that has made my evening!

rofl

Jalima Fri 18-Nov-16 19:28:12

how sad, I don't get out much

Shanma Fri 18-Nov-16 19:56:58

f77ms: Do you have trouble reading English? My post questioned why anyone would wish to discuss their sex lives on a public Forum, and I wrote that I found it strange. I did not write that it offends me.

Wobbly, you do make me laugh grin

Jalima Fri 18-Nov-16 20:10:12

We could have changed our usernames Shanma

Now, who could I be?
ErmintrudeShufflebottom has a ring to it, can I change to that please GN?

Coolgran65 Fri 18-Nov-16 23:47:26

speki I was once in the same position as you speak of. Just go with the flow. Be prepared..... in case there are a few special moments. I'd doubt he'd expect to use the guest room.

Wobblybits Sat 19-Nov-16 05:58:12

Spek, from a man's point of view, don't rush him, let things just happen and don't expect too much. Ne may well be as apprehensive as you, not all of us can perform the way we used to. The journey can often be more enjoyable than the destination.

Mumsy Sat 19-Nov-16 14:08:30

I should be so lucky! grin

kittylester Sat 19-Nov-16 16:21:40

Laughter and fun (in a good way) is probably the answer Specki or has the weekend already begun? blush

kittylester Sat 19-Nov-16 16:22:13

I'm not sure this thread is going in the correct direction. shock