Do I meet up with this person?

Tell her you would like to meet up for coffee (if you wish)at a fair distance but as a farmer's wife you are an extremely busy person who gets up at the crack of dawn and go to bed when the sun sets. You have no obligation to meet her at all.

Snowbelle

Do not allow any meet ups. This seems “off” I would personally go no contact and block all further communication forthwith - do not explain just do it. Sounds harsh but the children very likely don’t exist and if they do they can go anywhere in their (mobile) campervan on an insured site and PAY. If you are posting your concerns here you already know something isn’t right.

I do agree with this reply. We have gut instinct for a reason

We have all heard of grooming, followed by bad things

Honestly, Exdancer, just say no without explanation and cut contact. This `so called` friend is at the very least a user of other people or it could potentially be much worse

I would say trust your gut feeling. Tell her that you want to keep your friendship online only and if she is a real friend, she will respect that. If she pushes for more, then I would call it a day. She might be doing this with other people too. Good luck.

My cousin has some good friends now who started out as online contacts with shared interests. But when she meets them for the first time, she picks a public venue and has a plan in mind to exit after lunch, or whatever.

I agree that they’re very unrealistic about bringing their children for holiday on the farm! (Tractor Ted has a lot to answer for 😂) And people have given you plenty of reasons why that can’t happen.

But if you can suggest alternative places where they can stay, and take the opportunity to meet for lunch or coffee, that seems a good starting point a good starting point - and if you don’t, you may be missing the opportunity for a deeper friendship.

I do understand your reticence - it’s a funny thing, isn’t it? And we hear so much bad stuff about meeting people online who are not what they pretend. But that can happen with people that we meet IRL - when we come to spend a bit more time with them we realise they’re not at all who we thought they were. It seems to me that you have more to gain than to lose.

Good answer

If you've been chatting online for 6 years it lowers the likelihood of it being a scam. It's not impossible, but not likely. Scam artists usually don't hang around chatting for 6 years. However, that doesn't mean she will match the person you see her as in your head. Have you spoken to her? Or is it all written messaging? Does she know exactly where you live?

I suspect you may be uneasy because meeting up changes so much. Whatever the cause - at the moment she is still the virtual friend and you have the option to keep her at arms length if you wish.

We’re farming and quite frankly haven’t the time to entertain or supervise visitors for a week. A day yes, a week definitely not. Your on-line friend sounds a tad pushy, perhaps not understanding how a farming operation works. This is a business. We don’t have the UK petting farms here, our sheep and cattle mobs are not wild, but not tame pets either.

To have the responsibility of these people for a week, them perhaps assuming they can wander free-range is an enormous worry. One we personally would do without. All that and you add in the fact that they are virtually unknowns.

You have a lovely friendship online, maybe keep it that way, or compromise and meet elsewhere where their welfare or safety isn’t your responsibility.

Meet her away from your home, tell someone where you will be, say your farm isn’t insured for visitors, if this isn’t acceptable then so be it, the end of a friendship

Don’t give this idea anymore head space.
How someone could suggest bringing 2 children with Down’s syndrome to a working farm which is more than likely somewhere they have never been, words fail me 🤦🏼‍♀️

I think they’re using you. By that I mean they’ve been asked to have the children for a week and don’t know what to do with them. i know let’s take them to ExDancers farm, that will keep them amused
Have you and your husband had experience of dealing with children with downs or any learning disabilities. It’s hard work even for their parents. It’s full on all day.
You have 2 options. Tell her straight out it’s a no, or cut all contact because as sure as the suns going to come up tomorrow if you host them it won’t be the last time.
BTW, unless they are like us fully independent with power they will want to hook up to yours. No big deal but you don’t know how safe their system is.

Sounds very odd. No farms around here have little lambs in October!

If this is for real you must know the answer, you’re not really friends and the suggestion of meeting up has disaster written all over it.

The “friend” is suggesting she brings them next May. It still all sounds ver odd.

very odd

Its a definite NO from me ! Your ' friend ' is asking too much. Having children on a busy working farm is a recipe for disaster and that has nothing to the children having Down Syndrome. If they came you would feel very responsible for their safety. Tell her that farming health and safety regulations do not allow it - that is probably true ! If they were on your farm you would feel obliged to look after them. as for using your shower .......No !!!!! She is asking too much and ought to know better . You may feel you know her well - but you dont, please take care .

I'd be very wary. But a meeting on neutral territory, just for coffee and chat, would be one way to get an understanding of what she's like.
Her suggested visit to your farm is a bit of a cheek, imho
.

Follow your intuition on this. It seems to me that your 6th sense is telling you to be wary. For all you know, this camper may be their permanent home and they are looking for a place to park for an extended period.

ExDancer

I do see the attraction for her to bring the grandkids somewhere for a holiday where they can let off steam without upsetting other people.
But the insurance puts paid to that idea, they couldn't even climb trees without us being liable, also cows and sheep can't be hugged even if you could catch one, and dogs and pigs bite! And the machinery is huge.
A meeting between the two of us for a coffee or lunch sounds better.
Disregard the 'good friends' remark I wasn't thinking when I wrote it.

But I still feel uncomfortable for some reason.

EXdancer, if you feel uncomfortable, go with your instincts, tell her no, you'd rather not,,,chatting on facebook is one thing ,but spending a week with someone and their children that you don't really know is quite something else...

You would at least want to meet up with someone in real life before inviting them for a week. Anyway, can't farms pose some risks - farm machinery, etc.?

I think it is rather cheeky of her, and that would put me off anyway.

Why not just tell her to contact an organisation where children with disabilities can access farm animals in a safe and secure environment? Tell her that you have a working farm, are very busy from dawn till dusk and that you have all sorts working equipment let alone hygiene worries etc and that you are not insured for entertaining children or will be responsible if anything happens. That should put her off. She sounds like someone who thinks they have a light bulb moment and others should fall in with it. My uncle was like that. One child got a play date and he sent the other five so that the mother could have a day to herself. Personally, I would be asking myself what I was getting out of this friendship? Was it essential to my well being etc? If not, dump and move on.

ExDancer

I 'met' this lady through Facebook 5 or 6 years ago, and we've been messaging ever since. We both live in the UK, about 150 miles apart and have become good friends.
For the last 6 months or so she's been suggesting we meet up - and for some reason, I'm not keen. She's about 15 years younger than me, and although we have lots in common and seem to think along similar lines I'm just don't like the idea and keep avoiding the subject.
Now she's suggesting she and her DH come for a week's holiday next May in their camper-van with her two downs syndrome grandchildren. She thinks it would be lovely to park it in one of our fields (we are farmers) and the children could play with the little lambs and watch the cows being milked because they so enjoy going to petting farms at home.
I tried telling her how dirty and muddy and dangerous a working farm is, but I think my real reason is that I feel meeting her will spoil everything and is a bad idea.
I am a friendly person and don't know why I feel this way.
Usually I like having visitors, and feel a bit ashamed.
Would you keep ignoring her suggestion or bite the bullet and say welcome?
What is wrong with me?

I think your intuition is telling you something.

Just to be clear and correct. They are NOT Downs children. They are children with Down Syndrome and most definitely no S!!!! but I digress -
Ex dancer, don't do it !!!! Your ' friend'
is being unreasonable. The answer must be a big NO. Good luck.

Communicate openly and tactfully, explaining that it is currently inconvenient to accommodate overnight guests, but you can suggest arranging a short afternoon tea get-together first. This respects friendship and gives everyone a comfortable space.

Just say” I’m sorry that wouldn’t work for us - safety and insurance issues, however I would love to meet in nearby town for a catch up. “ Take it from there.

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