Do I meet up with this person?

I think if you agreed once there would be no turning back and the freebie holiday could become a regular request

Could you explain that you would be too busy to be available to supervise the children around animals and there are health and safety and insurance implications for you

Perhaps you could meet up with husbands for a pub lunch somewhere midway between your homes?

I would suggest a lunch at a distance.
Does she have your address?

I understand where you are coming from Ex Dancer, your feelings are valid. I think relationships are based on different dynamics, this one is virtual, no strings....you can or don't have to respond...it's easy. You like it and want it to stay that way. Nothing wrong with that. Seeing her may change things and you are worried it may burst the bubble. So I'd be upfront and say that for now, you would like to continue your wonderful online relationship just, hopefully she will understand.

You are not insured for visitors. Trust your gut

I think she has unrealistic expectations about life on a farm and I would be concerned that you would be expected to do childcare with two high needs children and animals. It sounds like she is looking for a free holiday with help attached.
She may not be like that but that's my gut reaction.

A big fat no from me!
I would explain that you value your friendship but feel more comfortable keeping it online.

A week? 😱
No way José!
Suggest (if possible) you meet at a place halfway for both of you and spend a day together - not particularly ‘all of you’ either. It’s just 2 friends meeting up. That’d be enough (for me).
Keep it simple.

Or ‘if in doubt do nowt’.
Come clean and say ‘no, I really hope not to hurt your feelings however our friendship just as it is suits me fine’.

I think you should somehow put her off. There are all sorts of dangers attached to a working farm with children in general - but children with additional requirements could spell disaster.

Go for it! You'll probably have a lovely time. It must be hard with 2 Downs children to find somewhere to take them on holiday. Could you suggest 3 or 4 days rather than a week? See it as a compliment that she asked you. She obviously thought you would be able to cope and take it in your stride. Good luck!

Just say "No. My husband has absolutely put his foor down, he does not allow any camping, holiday vehicles or livestock contact. A holiday for you is a week of extra work , anxiety and expense for him."

ridgewayresearch.co.uk/biosecurity-on-the-farm/

" Farm Biosecurity. Not negotiable".

ridgewayresearch.co.uk/biosecurity-on-the-farm/

You have to say "no" directly, firmly, rapidly. Trust your instincts.

I'm sorry (friends name) but it just cant work out due to (x,y.z)

but..why dont we meet as in (something you are happy with.

She's asking for what she wants - fair enough - but that places you under no obligations whatsoever, dont run into guilt.

I think you say that this is a working farm and it isn’t possible to keep young children safe, unless they have been taught about all the dangers.

But that you could meet for an afternoon at xx play park where you know they will be safe.

If she still wants to come after that she’s obviously angling for more than a meeting up with you!

If she takes offence at that you can probably do without her in your life🤔

Thank you karmalady and others who mentioned Insurance, I hadn't even got that far, and from what she's told me the 9 year old boy is a bit of a handful, very excitable with loads of energy. I'd also find myself asking them round for meals and to use the shower etc.
So I can get out of the holiday camping idea. Thanks.

you 'me a lady on facebook 5 years ago.'
did you know she had a husband and children....

Why do you feel guilty about not wanting to meet? I have friends I met online, and it has worked out fine. I have others I met online and off that have not.

I think you need to sort out (in your own head - no need to share with us) what is making you uneasy. Is it the online thing? Is it the lack of farm experience? Is it the Downs children? Or the week-long experience/something else?

When you have worked that out, you can decide whether or not you are being unreasonable.

Personally, I would prefer to meet for a much shorter time first, but geographical location might make that impractical. Have you spoken over Zoom or similar?

You aren’t good friends in any real sense. You are digital pen pals.

She isn’t just suggesting you and she meet for a coffee, the usual means of meeting for the first time to see how people get along in real life, but wants to bring her family along into your space for a whole week. It’s too much.

Think about people who do internet dating. They often chat through text messages and phone calls for weeks or months before they meet. When they do eventually meet up, there’s a good chance they may be disappointed with the real thing. Few would ever organise a weeklong holiday before ever meeting.

True this isn’t about physical attraction and sexual chemistry but you and your partner and she and her husband, four people who have never met, two men who have never communicated at all, will all have to get along for week.

On too many occasions, I have committed to spend a week with people I thought I knew well and couldn’t wait for it to be over. I am sure I am not alone in that.

Add into the mix that you and your partner need to be getting on with work while they may want to be entertained more than you have time for is going to be a strain.

You have been chatting to her for five years and may have told her all kinds of things that you would not wish discussed in front of your partner and her husband.

After six months of suggesting meeting and nothing concrete arranged, one would think she would have detected your lack of enthusiam - unless you have been sending mixed messages.

Some options.

• Suggest a child friendly campsite in the area where it would be more suitable for them to stay with more things for the GC to explore safely. Ask them over for an early supper towards the end of the week so you all have enough to talk about, what they havae been doing, for a couple of hours. The children's tiredness would be a good excuse to bring the evening to a close.

• Same thing but you pop over to meet them.

• Arrange either but without grandchildren in tow.

• Arrange to meet her for coffee somewhere equidistant.

I’m sure she will be just as nervous about meeting you as you are her. That last seems far the most sensible thing to do before committing to anything more. Either or both of you may decide that’s as far as it goes.

The fact that you have been chatting digitally for five years or more without meeting suggests to me that this is all it is ever going to be be and should be. OTOH it may be the start of a real friendship. Start with coffee.

Could you tell them you don’t have insurance for other people’s camper vans on your land?

I also would have deep reservations about the holiday on your farm .
I spent part of my childhood on farms and they are dangerous . They aren't petting zoos .
We knew that we had to be careful .

Suggest meeting up for lunch or dinner away from your farm -if you want to.

I wonder if she isn't one of those people who make lots of "useful " friends who are handy for free holidays .
My parents were in the middle of decorating when a couple turned up on the "off chance " to stay.Their car was packed with suitcases and they just happened to be driving past their road !

They'd met them on holiday.
Covered in paint and plaster they weren't pleased to see them.
I think that fish and chips were brought and they all sat uncomfortably in the bare half decorated room and then , my mother suggested a hotel.
It didn't go down well .
And that was the end of the friendship.

Don't apologise and don't feel remotely guilty about it .

You dolt need to make up an excuse. You dont feel that the friendship extend to what she is asking, pretty cheeky tbh, or she is just desperate. but there is no long term obligation that we have with close friends - aka a labour of love.

By all means give some good reasons, but you need to make it clear whilst you enjoy your chats, and would maybe like to meet for a coffee, the constraints of your own life just cannot reach her needs.

mumofmadboys

Go for it! You'll probably have a lovely time. It must be hard with 2 Downs children to find somewhere to take them on holiday. Could you suggest 3 or 4 days rather than a week? See it as a compliment that she asked you. She obviously thought you would be able to cope and take it in your stride. Good luck!

If you owned a factory would you welcome them in there?

How little some people understand about farming and the possible dangers.

Unless you own a petting farm open to the public, Ex-Dancer, just say no, sorry and arrange to meet somewhere mutually convenient for a meal or cut off the friendship altogether.

How on earth do you become 'good friends' with someone you've met on a social media platform?

Just say No.
You prefer to keep things as they are for the moment.
If she doesn't like that then you know where you stand. Both of you. And can disengage.
You have no obligation to her.
Reasonableness is irrelevant.
You don't want to meet.
Respect that.

Kate1949

How on earth do you become 'good friends' with someone you've met on a social media platform?

She could be anyone.
Not even a woman.

Be wary.

Exactly. Please be careful.