Unpleasant employee stressing me out

Have you told your husband how you feel? I presume he is this employee's manager.

Would your dh have a word with this person? Something along the lines of - if you have a problem with valdavi's work, speak to me about it. It's not your role to manage her.

You do know the answer, it’s just too hard to contemplate. I would challenge patronising comments and make it clear that you won’t allow it. If he’s upsetting you, he may be upsetting other staff and that could be a serious problem.

GrannySomerset

You do know the answer, it’s just too hard to contemplate. I would challenge patronising comments and make it clear that you won’t allow it. If he’s upsetting you, he may be upsetting other staff and that could be a serious problem.

Yes, I agree. I think you do need to challenge him, but also have a word with your husband and set it out straight to him too.

Take a deep breath and then tell him you wont stand for it. You are the bosses wife and will not be spoken too/treated in this way and you wont allow any of your staff to be treated this way either.

Or, tell your H so he can deal with it but if he wont, deal with it yourself. Regardless of how much of an asset your H thinks he is, surely he wont allow this to continue.

My husband has many qualities regarding running his business, he's excellent at the work himself & he puts in all the hours GS.

But DH can be intimidated by people who work for him communication's not his forte. He didnt have a good upbringing. He's much better at customer service.He wouldn't challenge him although he did say he wishes the employee was gone.

Employee is definitely upsetting other staff, they have said so, but his main focus is me & our son. I would be upset if the employee left because we're so busy as it is & DH although usually a good judge of people, can't see the problem. We do have CCTV so maybe the next step is to see if it's in the office & show DH exactly what goes down.

His impoliteness is one thing, but is he an honest person? I mean can you trust him? He may be impolite but also honest, which is most important.

I get it that he is annoying. But is it possible that some of his criticisms are correct and worth attending to?

It’s easier said than done to sort this sort of thing out
We have about 15 full and part time staff, I really like most of them, but two I know are trouble, I’m extremely careful what I say to them, and very careful what I say in their hearing, you can’t just get rid of people if they haven’t actually done anything wrong, but it’s a very uncomfortable situation.

If this staff member's upsetting other employees and your H is unable or unwilling to act, then you'll have too. I don't wish to appear insensitive but there's no way I'd allow a member of staff to treat my son badly.

I've been there valdavi, we ran our own small business before retirement and if you don't do something about this now, it will only escalate.

S/he needs a verbal warning which will go on her/his employment record.

In your position I would do all the admin at home online.
If this is something you don’t want to do there are companies that will.

I think the issue is that you aren't a salaried employee, are "family" and you are picking your own hours.

It's very awkward when someone appears to swan in when it suits them.

I know another business (personally) where a family member "helps out". The lack of formality in the arrangement is rather irritating to some staff.

The wife or husband or daughter or son of the proprietor is also in a difficult position if they are just helping things tick along. Would it help to do (say) Monday Wednesday Friday full time?

Is your son formally an employee?
Is he doing a job that he would be employed doing elsewhere?

I did wonder that Petra.

Unfortunately it sounds as though this employee is getting away with unprofessional behaviour because he can. Time for your husband and you to join as owners of the company and tell him that this type of belittling both you and your son is unacceptable and will not be tolerated and he will receive a formal warning if this continues. You are in charge of the company’s financial transactions and quite frankly it’s none of his business

rosie1959, I don't think valdavi is an owner of the business anymore.

It’s obviously a very difficult situation for you.

I’m wondering why this employee feels that he ought to have “a say in running the business”? From what you’ve said it sounds as though he has got that impression from somewhere - was it suggested to him at interview that there would be opportunities for promotion?
Has he been like this since he joined the firm or only since you retired?

Does he have an annual review when your husband could ask him how he feels he’s getting on etc?

What really needs to happen is someone needs to sit this employee down and have an open and frank discussion, in a pleasant, calm and professional manner.

A good starting point would be to ask them how they feel things are going and how they get on with everyone then ask them if they realise their communication style often upsets others.

Definitely use CCTV footage or your mobiles voice recorder with those 10 minute rants against you and discuss them with your OH.

I would think that the fact this employee has alienated a few customers was of equal importance to his poor treatment of you and your son. You and your husband have to confront him about his behaviour because it sounds as though he will wreck your business if you don't.
You cannot have an employee criticising your work and telling you how to run your business and demanding a share in the management.
You managed without him before and you need to start the correct procedure for dealing with a difficult employee, very important in his case, I would think; take advice on how to proceed. You cannot allow him to continue like this.

Cossy

What really needs to happen is someone needs to sit this employee down and have an open and frank discussion, in a pleasant, calm and professional manner.

A good starting point would be to ask them how they feel things are going and how they get on with everyone then ask them if they realise their communication style often upsets others.

Yes. But the someone has to be the proprietor in this case!

They've known my DH for years in the trade. The crux, this was when they ran their own business,DH first employed them 2 years ago, no, they've always been employed as a workshop professional, paid too much to be back office doing the wages using up to date software, which isn't rocket science.
They realise their communication style upsets others. I have said to them in the past '__ think of what you just said. That could be deemed offensive, I haven't taken offence but I think you ought to be aware' & they've actually apologised, but come back twice as bad. When they left for a better post,managing people, they were told it wasn't working out which is when they came back blagging to my DH & got re-employed.(me & my son didn't know till too late)

My son is formally an emplyee, has worked there for 14 years, has the qualifications & runs the office on the rare occassions me & DH get a holiday.

I think we can trust him, we all get this feeling, although he is very nosey, vetting all the email correspondence which sometimes includes from my personal email until I discocciate the account which I do all the time now. He also finds excuses to come in & look over my shoulder when I'm doing accounts, so I have to C+Alt+delete & ask him what he wants. I could work from home, but I like the others & had looked forward to still being in the workplace.

I am sorry, but who are 'they'? Are you referring to more than one employee? This really does confuse the issue.
Your following post refers to he; is this the difficult employee?

valdavi

They've known my DH for years in the trade. The crux, this was when they ran their own business,DH first employed them 2 years ago, no, they've always been employed as a workshop professional, paid too much to be back office doing the wages using up to date software, which isn't rocket science.
They realise their communication style upsets others. I have said to them in the past '__ think of what you just said. That could be deemed offensive, I haven't taken offence but I think you ought to be aware' & they've actually apologised, but come back twice as bad. When they left for a better post,managing people, they were told it wasn't working out which is when they came back blagging to my DH & got re-employed.(me & my son didn't know till too late)

Goodness, this person sounds AWFUL!

I have no further advice other than you and your son hiring a hitman, ooops sorry, speaking with your DH.