Unpleasant employee stressing me out

TBH I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. There's no way we'd have put up with this type of behaviour regardless of how important a staff member thought they were.

No one's indispensable and those who think they are, are more dispensable than those who don't.

Yes , they is he. Qualms about comfidentiality a bit late I guess.

Hitman Yeah!!!

I agree that this all sounds like it’s getting out of hand.
We have a couple of people I don’t trust, not in a stealing from us way, but I think they try and stir things up. But I wouldn’t for a minute allow anyone to be rude to my face, or to my three children, all working in the company
Why is he lurking about in your office? Where should he be?
I do have sympathy, I just think you need to get your husband on side, and with your son, form a united front, and tell this person you won’t tolerate rudeness
On the other hand, sometimes a fresh pair of eyes sees things which you haven’t, it’s worth at least considering what he says.

I have tried to foster an atmosphere where they all can be heard with their ideas. They're a wise group. But this guy, really, always has to know best even when he knows zilch & I know through experience backed up by Google that that's so.He does have some clever ideas which we pick up on, but also has some dangerous ones & his blatant hostility / resentment is wearing.Plus I don't think his vision for what the firm should be matches our vision of what it should be. That's something I'll check out with DH, actually,
Thanks everyone - I'll try WFH if things don't improve, but if he continues stressing out my son, who's one of the cornerstones of the place, it is going to have to be a timely warning I think.
We probably should have sorted regular hours for me from the get-go - at this point I really couldn't face that rigidity as I'm unhappy there.

Has it crossed your mind that this man has designs on your business? Sounds entirely possible.

I hope something works out for you.
It's not nice being miserable at work - especially when you are basically helping out.

Thank you

I'm sorry, but you need to get rid of him, has it occurred to you and your husband that he's trying to get all the information that he can and possibly set up his own business? I know that I'm being rather cynical, perhaps you and your son need to get your husband to see what this man is up to.

I have been in my current job for nearly 30 years and you will always get a bad manager or a work colleague. I've had three line managers, who while not total tyrants, seemed to love the power they had, were always looking for petty faults and were obsessed with micro managing people. It's not on when you're doing an otherwise good job and you're pulled up for not filling in a spreadsheet that can wait until the morning or not ticking a box.
Colleagues have been generally good, but there have been a few exceptions. A couple in more recent years, while decent enough people otherwise, have very strong political views that they love discussing loudly, which isn't on in a job where we are supposed to be impartial in case someone overhears a comment over the phone.

He has to go. If he doesn't your business will fail.
Harmony in the workplace is vital.

A new café manager was employed in
the place where I volunteer. He was OK
with me - I am only on the till -but he quickly fell foul of all the other
staff at least one of whom resigned.

He wanted to change everything and pulled rank on them as he had run a
restaurant before. He also became impatient with our vulnerable volunteers, there are a few.

Then he suddenly left with no warning. He had been offered a job by someone else. What a relief!

I hope you find a good replacement.

I think he has plans of taking over the company and that doesn't bode well for your son.. In your position I think I would get in a professional to look at all the dynamics of how you run the company and to allow the other employees to have a say in an impartial setting.. Of course his aggression towards you might be warranted (in his opinion) and thus could be dealt with.. either by him leaving or by changes being made.
As your husband obviously doesn't like conflict or making executive decisions I don't think you can solve this problem on your own..

Running a business of course requires dealing very dynamically with difficult situations and, to be frank, I think your husband needs to be reminded of that. An employee who alienates other workers (and possibly customers?) is not an employee, (s)he's a liability. And you are a worker, albeit unpaid, so you deserve to be defended from this just as any other staff member would be.
The problem needs to be addressed firmly by someone assertive (hate that word, it's SO over-used, but it's apt here) who isn't afraid of ruffling feathers. That could be your husband or someone else whom he trusts to make a sensitive and fair job of it.
From what you say, it seems that this employee should never have been taken back on the payroll. However, since that has happened and you can't put the clock back, there are only two options left: either immediate dismissal (with the required compensations) or the usual process of firm warnings (verbal, then written, and finally, if necessary, thanks-and-goodbye).
Going back to your personal feelings about it, is there any way you can step back from DH's business without worrying yourself sick that he'll suffer financial ruin as a result? You say work is being turned away, so an increase in staffing would be useful anyway. It's a very rare staff member who turns out to be irreplaceable, and I don't think this troublemaker is it!

Do you think the OP is still reading this thread?
I think not.