thank you Greatnan and nightowl...am now working on my relationship with my DIL as I am a new MIL...am thinking back to how I felt and trying to act accordingly to the responses I get on the whole I work with the approach ''you are no1 in his life,we have to get to know each other as people,hopefully respect on both sides will grow'' I now will get on with my own life.if you need me I will do everything I can...if you dont its not personal as you may need your own mum....make your own family traditions,and if you do visit its because you really want to,not because you have too,I would hate to be the recipient of a duty visit.....none of this was in the manual when we had children was it