hello .. and help!

I echo what others have said about going to the doc. please do. You may well find that antidepressants are different now to when you took them before and if you explain to the doc what you are worried about he/she will be able to prescribe appropriately.

CBT is very good for some people but not available everywhere, certainly not here. I am a bit sceptical about counselling as I know a few counsellors and they would be the last person I would want to talk to. I suppose you just have to try it and see how it goes.

You do have a lot to contend with and so maybe need to think about that prayer which says something like: 'help me to change the things I can change, accept the things I can't and the wisdom the know the difference'

Perhaps there are some very small ways you can take control? A walk every day, research other possible jobs or whatever you feel you can do. Sometimes just doing 'something' can help a bit.

I too had lots of problems with sleep though looking back I dont think I helped myself too much. I would stay up for much longer than I needed too kidding myself I was not tired enough to sleep. Being downstairs on my own with late night telly is NOT good its grinds you down.

I have developed a sort of strategy thats works (for me).
Get a bit a fresh air somehow every day...a walk is excellent.
Have and interesting but slightly boring book to read at bed time.
Dont watch anything too stimulating on tv just before bed.
Have a routine at bed time - warmish bath if you have time but not a shower - too stimulating.
Be warm and comfy in bed and dont have any electronics in room - no tvs or computers!!

I have a glass of water beside me and if I wake I have a sip and just say in my head 'alls ok...Do NOT THINK! because if any thoughts creep in then, hey ho alls lost.
Its taken a little while but this sort of self hypnonis of keeping thoughts at bay is just enough for me to get back to sleep.

Once you've had a series of decent nights its amazing how much less dire things can seem. Sleep deprivation is not used as a torture for nothing!!

Well, I bit the bullet today and took a (long-overdue) trip to the Doctors. I'm so, so glad I took all your advice about doing so. He was absolutely lovely. Prescribed Citalopram (sp?) and explained about anxiety and depression being basically the same illness (as you mentioned j04). I mentioned my fears about taking seroxat and the effects it had on me last time to which he replied that he NEVER prescribes Seroxat.. Hmm? Makes me wonder just what my last Doctor was thinking?
Anyway, I have a really big weekend this weekend so he recommended that I leave it till Monday to start taking them as they can cause Nausea and an 'odd' feeling during the first few days - so I will have to hang on a little while to see if they do the trick.
I feel a bit of a failure for going onto anti-d's again - and (silly I know) for taking the day off. I probably average 1 sick day per year, so I know that this will not be an issue for my employers, but today I felt so awful I knew I had to do something or the situation was going to get out of hand. So, I got up:

Saw the Doctor
Picked up my prescription
Phoned in Sick
Crawled into bed
Spent the morning crying

After about the fifth bout of sobbing - my little dog, laying at the foot of the bed let out a huge, heartfelt sigh - as if to say 'Here she goes again!
I had to admit - that made me smile!

@ Hilda - Over the last few months I have eliminated things that I think may be triggers:

Alcohol
Caffeinne
Thinking or talking about 'trigger' subjects late at night
Soap Operas (would you believe they can even trigger anxiety?)
Late night Metformin (Doctor was NOT impressed - I knew I was being silly, but I told you I was desperate!)

I exercise daily, am reading Fifty Shades of Grey at the moment so that covers the mindless drivel/sleep inducing reading (sorry for those who think it's wonderful!),and apply for any jobs that come up. Unfortunately, I'm competing with youngsters who can be paid less than me. Not a smell of an interview so far.

My main issue is not having anyone to talk to. I am married to the loveliest man in the world, who listens to all my woes and is a real optimist. He truly is my lifesaver, but I feel guilty for burdening him with all my worries all the time, because after all, they are his worries too! He doesn't need me banging on all the time.

Hopefully this medication will work for me and if I can just come on and let off some steam or have a virtual cry on someone's shoulder I think things will be ok.

Bobbi xx

Hi bobbi a lot to feel anxious about. But it is a horrid feeling. I don't know why we don't teach breathing and relaxation techniques in school. Yoga classes are probably the best place to learn. Really don't know what I would do without.
I think an understanding counsellor that can give you some support would be worth considering. Some GPs will refer under NHS.
I have most recently consulted a well qualified hypnotherapist (not one of those stop smoking people that have done a short course) and found that very helpful with anxiety and stress. Another route to using deep relaxation to help manage stress.

Great bobbi you've taken a positive step forward now. You'll probably find you don't get side effects with Citalopram - it takes a couple of weeks to kick in, but it realy does keep you on an even keel. My sister has been taking it whilst she's been seriously ill, and believe me she has a lot to weep about, but it's taken the edge off for her, she is enjoying her life when her pain is under control and she wants to get out and about.

Come on here and unburden or choose someone you feel you can pm if you need a warts and all rant - there's a few of us on here with broad shoulders.

Regarding your husband being your lifesaver - would you want him to offload onto you so you could support him? It's a two-way thing. My sister's husband is now her carer and literally saves her life every couple of weeks or so. He says it's his wish that he should be looking out for his wife, they both want her to be at home for as long as possible, and she would have done the same for him

Weep all over him, and then come on here and offload some more!

Dear bobbi...welcome to the best website of all. Yes, we're all slighty potty...some more so than others. Without a doubt, Gransnet has helped me to come through a very bad spell of depression. I found that "opening up" and allowing my fears to surface and be expressed, has helped enormously. I have a marvellous husband. He has stood by me throughout my illness, which is what depression is. It's not the sufferers fault. It is caused by an inbalance of chemicals that send out the wrong messages to the brain. I sought help from a very kind doctor. I take a low dose of anti-depressant and I'm feeling more like the happy soul I used to be, with every passing day. Please don't feel lonely. Not when you have us lot to cheer you. The kindness of Gransnetters really is unconditional. Special ((hugs)) from Kintyre.

bobbi, can I just say that if you do feel any little side effects when you start taking them, please do not give up. It will only last a couple of weeks at the most, and then the benefits will cut it.

When I started taking fluoxetine, I began to feel more anxious and jittery to start with. Luckily I kept on them and they have had such a good calming and uplifting effect. I don't think you get this side effect with citalapram though even though it is a very similar AD. I think the worst you will experience is yawning.

Citalapram and fluoxetine are the most commonly prescribed AD's. They are quite mild and will definitely not make you feel zombie-ish. Just the opposite.

Hey! Soop, who are you calling nutty! not any of us I trust!

Just look in the mirror, jeni

jeni...as if!

j04 Fluoxetine has helped me enormously. It does take about a fortnight to kick in after which, the benefits can be felt and dark moods begin to lose their hold.

I take fluoxetine as well!

So do I.

...and that's why we're all such a happy band of wotsits!

That might explain a lot about us slightly more eccentric ones!
Might write a small monologue on the subject (donning deerstalker, looking for violin and magnifying glass. Think I'll give the pipe and opium a miss though)

See Bobbi this is what tablets can do for you. I use an iPad all the time

OK! Coming out time! Everybody who is on Anti-D's sign in here.

Can I sign to say I was on Citalopram for a few months a few years ago? Having spent several months in hospital I had some sort of post traumatic depression and my lovely GP mopped me up and gave me a low dose which did the trick beautifully. I would never avoid them if needed in future.

I've just recently cut back to one tab every other day. I think they have actually "cured" me. I just don't get as trembly nervous as I used to.

We've got a lot to be thankful for with modern medicine.

@Jessm - I was seriously thinking of hypnotherapy so I'm really interested to hear that it worked for you. Can I ask how you found your hypnotherapist?

re: the side effects of starting Citalopram - the Doctor reasured me that I probably would feel some i.e. the nausea and 'odd' feeling I mentioned before, but he said that in a strange way that is a good thing because it means that you can tell when they are beginning to work. Every cloud eh?

BTW - the dog is happier now ;)

Bobbi

Dogs are empathic creatures. I used to take out all my teenage angst on our boxer!

Not literally, I trust, Annobel!

I wept on her shoulder...do dogs have shoulders?

Of course they do. They have the same bones as us (apart from a bone in the penis)

Technical name 'baculum'

I developed a strategy to help through bad times I call it PAT-pleasant activity therapy- when I was a teenager my father died and as I was away on a long exchange-there was no money to bring me home quickly-I wasn't told until just before I came home- my mother became suspended in amber as it were -we lived a very strange life-my brother had left home and I decided be happy or go barmy-I made my mind up to see something beautiful every day-not easy in a run down Liverpool but rain on cobblestones is beautiful if you are determined and there were fabulous sunsets in Liverpool-chemicals in the atmosphere i suspect -there was not the medication then that is so freely available now so it is marvellous that people can go down that road but for gloomier days-not for serious depression I can recommend PAT

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