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AIBU

Thank you

(63 Posts)
numberplease Sun 28-Aug-16 19:10:48

Yesterday was daughter number 2 and hubby`s wedding anniversary. They only live a 5 minute drive away, so on Friday I took a taxi round there to post the card through their door, asking the driver to wait and bring me back. When I got there, SIL was home on a day off, I said I couldn`t stop because the taxi was waiting. Since then, not a word. Am I unreasonable to have expected a thank you phone call? Or am I being petty?

Synonymous Tue 30-Aug-16 21:58:02

Well, all's well that ends well! smile

Hope they had a lovely day.

numberplease Tue 30-Aug-16 16:19:12

KateG, my daughter wasn`t there, she was at work, just her husband had the day off. It wasn`t her birthday, it was their wedding anniversary.

KateG Tue 30-Aug-16 08:31:41

Once you arrived at your daughters house and realised that she had the day off work,did she perhaps hope that you would send the taxi off and spend an hour with her on her birthday ? If that was the case, perhaps she is feeling hurt and thinking that you could have booked another taxi for later.

moobox Mon 29-Aug-16 21:22:31

The older relatives look forward to my Christmas cards because I put photos in with a few words. They phone my mother up and tell her all about it.

BillieW Mon 29-Aug-16 17:50:44

I did explain to our children that cards are valued by older generations, and so the two DD are very good with thank yous for their presents and our very young grandchildren! But the DS is another matter...... Either a very extravagant gift or nothing ---cards are a rarity. I still send them and the two GD's cards n presents, but they genuinely don't get offended if they do not get anything for themselves or their girls, it's like they see they have everything they need and buy what they need/want whenever. His sisters buy his girls presents and try to see them on the day, but are getting frustrated by DS and DiL missing their nieces n nephews cards and or presents. So not sure how that will be resolved, I always believe you don't give to receive, nor do you stop buying for the children because the parents just don't seem to realise the importance of celebrating birthdays! They are so much better off than the sisters so it's not a cost issue!
But I believe it will become the norm not to send cards or buy presents, just a email or FB will be the acceptable acknowledgement.

numberplease Mon 29-Aug-16 17:13:23

Battersea, I just wanted to make sure they got the card in time, I can`t really afford taxis willy-nilly, this was an exceptional occasion as I`d missed the post.

Battersea1971 Mon 29-Aug-16 16:52:26

I would not expect a thank you for a card. It sounds if you were a bit OTT with the taxi.
I sent

my son a d DIL a card recently and when I spoke to him on the phone he didn't mention it, so I said did you get the card. And he just said oh yes, thanks.
I don't think the younger generation set much store but these things.

numberplease Mon 29-Aug-16 15:59:12

My daughter rang this morning to ask why I brought the card round by taxi, when I explained why, she said I should have rung her and she`d have collected it herself, but I don`t think it`s right to expect people to collect their cards themselves, unless they happen to pay a visit at the appropriate time. Anyway, the matter is over now, maybe I was being over-sensitive.

grannylyn65 Mon 29-Aug-16 15:22:33

I love buying cards and always have a good selection to hand!!

spanishsue Mon 29-Aug-16 15:22:07

I expect thanks for sending birthday cards, which are the only ones I do send, and only to a selected few! On that note, my husband and I never give each other cards for our respective birthdays or our wedding anniversary. My SIL thinks this is awful.........each to their own!!!!! grin

icanhandthemback Mon 29-Aug-16 14:55:13

It is nice to receive thanks but I don't give for outward displays of gratitude, I give because I want to. If you don't expect thanks, you won't be disappointed if you don't get any and if you do, it's a bonus. If I have to ask if they received in order to get thanks, it loses something in its lack of spontaneity.

Diddy1 Mon 29-Aug-16 13:49:37

At the beginning of the Summer I sent a card to the lady who is in charge of our little "chat group" as I think she does a lovely job, works hard to organise things etc. This morning we all met again after the summer break, and she thanked me so much, she was so thrilled with the card, she showed it to her friends, and her Daughter,to show them she is appreciated.
I love receiving cards.I dont expect a thank you,but my Daughter ALWAYS thanks me, but nobody else does, not these days! "Times they are a changing"

Ramblingrose22 Mon 29-Aug-16 13:45:45

It could be a generational thing. I was brought up to say thank you for anything and everything but I think younger people don't bother.

In this case, if you were seen coming round in a taxi, it probably looked like you had forgotten - which you had because you forgot to post it in time. The offence caused by your having forgotten to post it may outweigh the fact that you bought the card and saw that it was delivered on the correct day.

Why not say - I hope you liked the card. I don't trust the post anymore so I decided to keep the card and pay extra to deliver it myself.

Synonymous Mon 29-Aug-16 13:33:34

number I would just give your DD a ring and laugh about the taxi and ask if they had a happy day etc. The chances are that SIL may even have put your card down somewhere and it may have been forgotten, who knows? My memory is so poor that would be entirely possible! hmm

Personally I would have paid off the taxi and stayed for a cup of tea and ordered another taxi later. grin

AYBU? - Never go and meet trouble half way! smile

Maggiemaybe Mon 29-Aug-16 13:31:57

I have never thought to thank someone for a card unless I see them soon afterwards and just mention it. I wouldn't expect a thank you for a card either. Perhaps I've been remiss over the years?

I do love cards though, both choosing them and receiving them. And of course always thank people for gifts.

DH and I had a joint significant birthday recently and opened all cards and presents (mainly bottles - they know us so well!) at home after the party. Someone hadn't signed their card but had included a very generous amount of cash. We checked off gifts against the guest list and there were only two couples not accounted for. One couple of old friends seemed much more likely to have given us a big present, but just in case DH rang up to thank them, rather than writing. They cheerily told us they hadn't brought a present or a card, which was a tad embarrassing blush

Stansgran Mon 29-Aug-16 12:46:55

If I receive a card I tend to say next time I email that person something on the lines of I loved your card. So clever or appropriate or something similar. I don't thank immediately. But a gift needs a response even if the gift is someone's good wishes. On here we generally thank people for their kind thoughts don't we? It's not unusual.

Neversaydie Mon 29-Aug-16 12:45:26

YYABU

Legs55 Mon 29-Aug-16 12:34:12

I only thank people in person for Birthday Cards when they give them to me or next time I speak to them if they come by post. Rarely write thank you cards as I receive few gifts so thank giver when I receive them.

My late DH & I never set any store by Anniversary cards after our 1st Anniversary, rest of family are the same, we always had a "special day out, meal etc"

I would only expect a Thank You from my DGS if I didn't see him to give him his card & gift. flowers

poshpaws Mon 29-Aug-16 12:23:50

Please don't feel bad about it. To be honest, it wouldn't occur to me to say a special thank you for a card (unless of course there was a gift enclosed, that would just be bad manners). I wouldn't be ungrateful, just wouldn't imagine a thank you would be expected. I've never given nor received a thank you for a simple card in my life, unless just in the passing during the next conversation with the person.

princesspamma Mon 29-Aug-16 12:22:11

In my experience, when the question is "am I being unreasonable to....", 90% of the time the answer is "Yes you are". I think it often comes down on Gransnet forums to the difference between generations. Older people can be more conservative in their views, and also can cling to standards which were the norm when they were younger. This in itself is not wrong, and of course we all do it to some extent, but i do see older people seeming to measure everything against what used to be the accepted standard when they were growing up and learning, and find it wanting. Not every change is for the worse - try to keep your mind open and view each new thing fairly and objectively, and who knows, occasionally you might even find that actually, this is maybe even a better way of doing things!

Rhinestone Mon 29-Aug-16 11:27:59

There is no excuse, bad day or not , for not saying thank you to a gift. Maybe the answer is to text or call that person and ask if they got the present and tell them you were concerned it may have gotten lost in the mail and wanted to report it.
My cousin got married and I sent a check. Three months later it had not cashed so I texted her to make sure it didn't get lost. She responded that they hadn't taken it to the bank yet but she did have it. Two weeks later I got a thank you in the mail.

TerriBull Mon 29-Aug-16 11:15:18

My husband's nephew had a very quiet family wedding recently, absolutely not bothered we weren't invited, it was just immediate family from both sides. My husband sent a card with a cheque for £100, which we would have thought might have warranted some sort of acknowledgement, it wasn't banked until ages afterwards, but absolutely no thanks via a text, phone call, e mail or thank you card. I hasten to add that he, the nephew, and his wife are both lovely, but my husband, I think would have appreciated some sort of thank you. However, it won't spoil the relationship, I guess "thank yous" are something the older generation were brought up with.

LesleyC Mon 29-Aug-16 11:04:39

I would never expect anyone to ring up and thank me for a card, only for a gift. I get cards from all sorts of people for birthdays and our anniversary and would never get off the phone if I rang everyone up to thank them. Presumably as you passed the card over by hand, your daughter thanked you then?

moobox Mon 29-Aug-16 10:44:30

I use cards less and less now, and am more likely to Facebook. I don't acknowledge other people's anniversaries particularly. I don't think enough attention is give in families though to giving thanks for carefully chosen pressies. I would always remind my own offspring to write thank yous to the great grannies, even now in case they forget, but can't say I ever get much feedback from the step grandkids. Now DD has just had her own baby, I might try and school that one, lol.

Marmight Mon 29-Aug-16 10:41:00

I send cards to the DDs and SiLs for their anniversaries but never expected them to send us one. After all, we were at their weddings and they were not at ours! Since DH died they usually send flowers or phone on the day which I really appreciate. I'm afraid that if I don't receive an acknowledgement for a wedding/new baby/birthday present then that's it, they don't usually receive anything else from me in the future. Harsh maybe, but that's just how it goes in my book hmm. I never expect thanks for a card nor do I give thanks!