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AIBU

to be asked to contribute?

(85 Posts)
granoffour Thu 08-Feb-18 12:01:45

I have recently joined a local bookclub - only one meet-up so far . Everyone seems very nice (there are about 8-10 of us). All new faces to me even though I've been in the area for a few years now. The one lady is moving to Spain next week so I got an email from one of the women asking to contribute £15 towards her leaving gift. I've only met her once and haven't had more than a brief chat. I rely on my pension and I don't have a lot of spare cash. I wouldn't object if she was a friend of course but I don't want to cause bad feeling though as I've just joined the group. It's a bit awkward. Any ideas on how I should handle this?

Witzend Fri 09-Feb-18 10:12:53

£15 is IMO ridiculous.
There were several leaving- collections at work before I retired not all that long ago, and a fiver was considered plenty, even for people we knew quite well. Anyone particularly friendly with them might give more - IF they could afford it. But it was never expected, still less demanded.

W11girl Fri 09-Feb-18 10:22:41

Oh dear! No way would I give £15 for a leaving gift for someone I don't know regardless of my income. Politely tell them your pension won't stretch that far rather than get into other difficulties. If they don't like it and they ask you to leave, I hope they will each be just as generous with you and proffer £15 per head towards your leaving gift!

jangeo44 Fri 09-Feb-18 10:30:29

That is a ridiculous amount to contribute to someone you have only met once. Don't be put under pressure and do what you feel comfortable with - especially if the others have known her for much longer - even so you should feel free to do what you want.

seacliff Fri 09-Feb-18 10:34:22

I would ignore it too. I would not mention it all unless someone asks you directly.

Craftycat Fri 09-Feb-18 10:41:04

I expect it was a 'round robin'- no-one would expect you to contribute after only one session.

Kim19 Fri 09-Feb-18 10:41:36

I'm in the fortunate position of actually being able to afford £15 but I would not give a penny. You've met this lady once and had the merest of conversations? No brainer. My verbal best wishes and nothing else. If for any reason I had to re-address the matter (and I sincerely hope not) with the gift organiser I would simply say 'sorry, but I've already decided on my gift but thank you for including me'. Blimey!

Barmeyoldbat Fri 09-Feb-18 10:51:43

I would neither give a penny or explain myself

lemongrove Fri 09-Feb-18 10:54:42

If a round robin, just ignore it.If a personal note to you, say you don’t know this lady but will contribute something (£5.) for the goodwill, and sign her card.

albertina Fri 09-Feb-18 10:57:59

I feel sorry for you in this predicament. I'm with the folk who suggest ignoring it.

I had to leave a book group I joined because they were all very wealthy people. Each meeting was in someone's home and the hostess had to provide food and good quality drinks for up to 16 people. I just couldn't afford to do that. It's a shame as I did enjoy it.

sarahellenwhitney Fri 09-Feb-18 11:06:35

Eight or ten members times £15 now that is some present.shock What is this 'leaving gift' that warrants that amount..
Over the top and the fact you have only attended one meeting you should not be expected to contribute or at least the opportunity to give what you can afford.I do not wish to offend but do you really need a ' book' club or is it the company you are looking for.?

driverann Fri 09-Feb-18 11:08:04

£15 is a lot for someone you don’t know. I would ignore the email. I belong to an life painting group as the model, I am booked two afternoons per week. At Christmas the members give me a box of biscuits a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine. I am delighted with that.

Peardrop50 Fri 09-Feb-18 11:14:10

Gosh, that’s unfair, you shouldn’t have been put in that position. I agree with other Grans. Just explain that you’ve only met once and though the lady seems very pleasant you don’t feel that you can afford such a large contribution but obviously wish her well in her new venture.

Nannapat1 Fri 09-Feb-18 11:22:46

It does seem a very large amount, even for those who know her. I'd ignore the email too.

TillyWhiz Fri 09-Feb-18 11:22:47

I understand your anxiety, that would worry me too but I certainly couldn't afford that and it's a ridiculous amount to ask. However, methinks other members will be feeling exactly like you and when you've been there longer, you will realise this.

maddyone Fri 09-Feb-18 11:25:13

I wouldn’t ignore it myself, but given the circumstances I would do as others have suggested and give a token amount. You’ve only met the lady once so a large contribution is inappropriate even if you felt you could afford it, and since you can’t afford it, a token amount is more than acceptable. I’m sure the other gransnetters are right, it’s probably a round robin email.

leeds22 Fri 09-Feb-18 11:30:38

My first reaction was that it was a round robin to all the group members, so would probably ignore it. I think £15 is an inappropriately large amount to ask under any circumstances.

JanaNana Fri 09-Feb-18 11:32:39

Wow, some gift! Ten of you is £ 150 or eight of you £120! Exactly what sort of gifts do they give at this group. Make a mental note to yourself for the future here. A nice bouquet of flowers and a lovely card should be plenty.

JanaNana Fri 09-Feb-18 11:35:31

As a group gift I mean, not from you personally.

dizzygran Fri 09-Feb-18 11:39:10

I agree. I have been in my book club for six years and no way would we give that amount of money to someone leaving. Ignore the email and if asked just say that as you have only attended one meeting and have not had a chance yet to get to know people you didn't think it applied to you. I don't think it is reasonable to expect you, as a very new member, to contribute anything. Don't worry or feel bad about it - it is totally out of order to include you this time and if it happens again just say that you have a limit of £5 (or whatever) for this type of collection. I'm sure most of the other members will agree with you.

Mads Fri 09-Feb-18 11:48:53

I hate those things when you have to give a joint gift, it works out more expensive than giving an individual one. I agree with the sentiments given above. I think it was wrong of them to ask a newcomer and also are you going to have a say in what is purchased? I think the lady who is off to Spain must be pretty well off anyway. Does she need a big present?

missytilley Fri 09-Feb-18 11:57:58

Sounds like it just went to everyone automatically but even still that's alot to ask for and it should be a token Goodwill not a set price either

Bridgeit Fri 09-Feb-18 12:03:00

I agree with Lemongrove, it will be a nice gesture

GabriellaG Fri 09-Feb-18 12:06:00

Tell the truth. Just say that you only met once and spoke briefly, therefore you don't feel that it's appropriate for you to contribute on this occasion.
Personally, I think that £15 each is a lot to fork out for a group leaving present, no matter whether you've known her for a week or 5 years. If it was a wedding or something for a close friend or celebration, yes. Otherwise I would politely decline and wouldn't feel in the least bit guilty.
8 or 10 of you × £15 = £120-150. Ridiculous.

GrannyHaggis Fri 09-Feb-18 12:06:01

Wonder what kind of present is being bought!!!
If it were me I'd just sign a communal card( I'm assuming there'll be one) and leave it at that.
Wouldn't give a present/card either as you've only met the person once.

Fellowfeeling8 Fri 09-Feb-18 12:06:23

Outrageous! Don’t be pressured. x