....too be a bit annoyed?

Having read all of this thread I have nothing to add except to say "Please come back on here and let us know the outcome and Good Luck!"

I’ve been out and just caught up.
Such lovely messages and so much to think about!

readymeals we are certainly more than close friends.
I can see why people may think we are not as serious as other couples just because we don’t live together, but I feel that we are. It just suits us both. Especially as I still work full time and live near my place of work.

I do feel the inheritance issue comes into this to a certain degree

I would actually be surprised if he does say he still wants to live abroad as he’s spoken about it to me less and less over the last couple of years.
I really wanted to talk about this when I go to his tomorrow evening but he reminded me to today that he’s picking his friend up from the airport who will be staying overnight! Damn!!
Hopefully friend will be sufficiently jet lagged to go to bed early

Good luck, just talk to him when you can and ask for the truth. With you still working I can see it would be impossible for you to do a 6 month trial stay somewhere, you could stress that side rather than a point blank refusal to go anywhere. How about a holiday if he wants to look round. I do wonder if as he has just retired his daughter thinks its now or never for him but I also wonder if his ex has been putting feelers out to daughter it does sound as if there has been some talk between them.

His daughter may well be trying to drive a wedge between you and your partner, getting him away from you, although you are not married now you may well do in the future in her eyes. ( my sister married hers after 26 yrs)
As he is considering moving abroad I guess there is money in the kitty to do it, she has her eye on inheritance and if you marry that changes it.
Encouraging him to move away from you would suit her quite well, second time relationships ALWAYS have this issue to deal with.

Not all adult children are keeping an eye on their inheritance! I don’t live with my partner but my ex husband has remarried. My four children are not worried at all about their inheritance. They have all had some money from us to help them buy their own homes, for which they were very grateful, and are quite happy- in fact encouraging- for me to spend my savings on myself. They don’t want to think of either of us dying.

Ok Flaxseed, taking on board that there is more of a commitment than I had understood when I first posted, well what would a cohabiting couple do in these circumstances? They'd make the decision between them. It often takes ages, which is probably quite right when it's a big decision. But if you really do have more of a commitment than was apparent to me - and maybe more than was apparent to the daughter - then there is no problem. He and you will decide together and her input will be politely ignored by both of you.

I think it's unfair of you to say you would never be willing to live abroad.
Not living abroad can't be said to be a dream of yours, while doing so is a long-headed dream for your DP.
You have to find out how much he still wants to do this and if there is a way to compromise.

As for DD, I wonder if she saw her mother abandon a dream of hers because of her partner, who has now left her.
If so, it's understandable if she wants her dad to avoid doing the same.

The two of you need to work it out together.

long-held*

What is the matter with autocorrect? Long-headed isn't even a normal expression!

How long have you and he been seeing each other?

Farnorth Sorry but I don’t ever want to move abroad. I love being around my DD’s and DGS. I also have parents still here (late 70’s)
I will compromise with a holiday home.
I also would’nt want to be in a country where neither of us can speak the language!

lynne 5 years

dannie I will

Awh Urmstomgran so sorry to hear your your mum died last year but very heartwarming that she had a second chance at happiness.
Flaxseed put your cards on the table and listen and talk. Good luck

You obviously need to discuss it all with your bloke, and determine whether or not you've got a real future together. If it turns out that you want different things, then it'd be better to perhaps end it and cut your losses.

I think you should try to calmly ask him straight out, without criticising his daughter.

It could be that he talks of wanting to retire abroad to her but doesn't mention it to you. People sometimes have pipe dreams but, when it comes down to it, would they do it? I have pipe dreams so I know!

I hope you get a nice answer.

What business is it of DPs daughter what your DP thinks you do or do not want. She seems to be meddling where she has no right. As you said, speak with DP to sort matter out explaining he had to be honest with you as there may be decisions for you to consider making eg go with DP to other country or terminate relationship. The matter is between you and partner, no-one else.

Not all adult children have got their eye on inheritance but they or their own partners very often do, his daughter has brought this up twice so don't discount the motive.
It's entirely normal for you to want to be near to you own family and I certainly would not want to compromise on that, a holiday home or renting a villa is an alternative, you should stand your ground on that. Living full time in a foreign place is entirely different to the dream, in any case there are plenty of nice places in the UK to live.

4allweknow, it's not just the daughter's fault. Surely by discussing the subject while in a group that included the daughter, the daughter felt invited to comment? Maybe the man wanted to hear her opinion? I think it may be unfair to ascribe inheritance concerns to her, since surely by now she would have shown her hand in other ways, seeing as the couple have been an item for so long. There would have been inheritance concerns long before now, and, at least in the OP's posts, there is no evidence of attempts to separate their interests until now.

Flaxseed, I can't see that you've done anything wrong to be adamant that you don't want to move abroad. At least you've been honest which is so important in a relationship.

Your DP knows you don't want to live abroad and has continued the relationship regardless.
So it's unlikely he would 'just do it' without consulting you.

His DD's motives for her comments are not important, as long as the two of you can discuss this sensibly.

Good luck today & tomorrow Flaxseed with your discussion for your future with you other half.
Do come back after all these comments and let us know what transpired?

I can understand you being upset but all you can do is talk it through with him. Perhaps you could reach a compromise, of a holiday home which, if you both decided you wanted to live there, could eventually turn into a proper home? As neither of you shows any inclination to get married, perhaps his daughter thinks you're not that serious about each other and is just looking out for her dad? Of course, no-one ever understands a relationship from the outside. You know how you feel but she doesn't, necessarily. Hope it all works out for you.

I'd steer clear of any criticism of the daughter if it were me. Probably best to go along the track of, "Her comments made me wonder what your plans are. Am I really holding you back?"
I think any talk of inheritance, reconciliation with ex-wife, etc would be jumping the gun and would possibly ruffle his feathers.

Thank you everyone.
You are all so kind.

Whilst on a night shift last night I had a call from my son in law. My vivacious, successful, lovely DD was having some kind of breakdown and I couldn’t get to her . She’s been fragile for a while due to a toxic boss.
It would take a whole new thread to explain how awful I am feeling right now.
The original reason for writing this thread seems totally insignificant today, but I know will have to be addressed once this new, more important issue is sorted.

Please forgive me if I don’t get back to you with a conclusion for a while!
I will be spending the rest of the weekend where I am needed more.

to you all

Instead of stewing talk to him! She is just a concerned child who has heard her dad talk about a dream of his often over the years (so it seems) and is worried he might not be able to fulfil it if he's torn by love of his partner.

Has he actually spent any amount of time in this favoured location or is it just a pipe dream? It's very different living somewhere to just visiting. My parents always said they'd return to live in Southampton, my Dad's birth place and where they met, when he retired but never did as they were so settled where my Mum still lives.

Perhaps an extended trip to this 'Shangri La' would help settle his mind? Good luck!

PS DD probably does like you but loves her Dad!

Sorry Flaxseed I posted before reading your last comment. I do hope your DP's DD is OK and her problems with toxic boss can be addressed.