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AIBU

To object to being invited on FB to give money to a charity ?

(53 Posts)
Grammaretto Mon 22-Jul-19 10:53:54

I realise this is a small thing but without being unkind to this "friend" on facebook, whom I see occasionally, how do I deal with this request to give money to her charity in lieu of a birthday gift. I wasn't thinking of giving her a birthday gift
If it was a child of mine or grandchild, ofcourse I would be only too happy to donate but I think this is cheeky or am I just mean?

Paperbackwriter Tue 23-Jul-19 12:31:33

I find FB very jolly (if you avoid the political rows, which I don't always, I'm afraid!) and I'm in several interest groups on there. I love keeping up with friends and family, some of the friends being very good but entirely 'virtual' ones who I've come to be very fond of. Don't dismiss it entirely, people.
Also - there's Scrabble. I've got 7 games on the go at any one time and I'd miss it like mad!
Having said all that, I too ignore the charity birthday things. Its comparatively recent, I think. I haven't signed up to any charity myself. I don't want anyone pushed into making a donation simply because it's MY birthday.

Minniemoo Tue 23-Jul-19 12:39:45

I dislike the charity things. It's my birthday but please donate to this that and the other. Nope.

grannytotwins Tue 23-Jul-19 13:13:20

I keep seeing this on FB. I never donate. I’m amused to see that nobody has raised more than £10 amongst my FB friends.

NfkDumpling Tue 23-Jul-19 13:31:07

I saw it for the first time last birthday. FB asked me which charity I would support from a short list and I think said they would pay money in for my birthday gift. I foolishly ticked one and the next thing I knew was that it was asking all my friends to support me to get my donation to £150. I felt very embarrassed when one friend donated £20. I shall ignore it in future.

Abuelana Tue 23-Jul-19 13:46:01

You’re not obliged to give anything so don’t. Keep it simple if you were buying a gift then gift the amount you would have spent. If no gift thought about don’t lose sleep over it. Constantly I see requests from my friends for this - I just ignore x

Tris68 Tue 23-Jul-19 13:49:41

I had a fb notification the other day "inviting" me to donate to the charity of her choice for her wedding. 1, I had no idea she was getting married (they flew to Vegas a few days later for their wedding) 2, she was a friend from college 30+ years ago who I haven't seen since!

Saetana Tue 23-Jul-19 14:55:03

The reason we are seeing all these requests for birthday donations on Facebook is because Facebook offer to donate £2 on your birthday to a non-profit organisation of your choice. This in turn triggers the appeal which is visible to all your Facebook friends. I just send my birthday greetings and ignore the donation request - never had any issues with anyone over it up to now.

Grammaretto Tue 23-Jul-19 15:12:39

Oh help I had no idea it was FB who was setting this up. Thanks for telling us. I hope people don't get asked at my birthday!!

grandtanteJE65 Tue 23-Jul-19 16:57:00

I would simply disregard her request.

If she brings the matter up, you could truthfully say that you and she are not in the habit of exchanging gifts.

If she says, "but it is a worthwhile charity" smile and say, "Oh I know, but I am not rich enough to give to all the worthwhile charities out there."

Then change the subject.

I would have found her request cheeky too.

willa45 Tue 23-Jul-19 18:09:44

You can choose to ignore these posts. Many of my own family members have been suckered into this. If all you want is to wish someone a Happy Birthday, go directly to someone's profile page and wish them a Happy Birthday, no strings attached.

Magrithea Tue 23-Jul-19 18:31:06

there's been an upswing in posts about friends not giving gifts and donating to charity. It's not to anyone personally so you can ignore it. If you don't normally give her a gift then don't donate!

chelseababy Tue 23-Jul-19 20:26:08

Just ignore it.

Sb74 Tue 23-Jul-19 20:42:59

Silly Nanny. You are not the only one in the world. I don’t bother with Facebook either. Neither does dh. I have an account that I set up when it first started but I never go on it and can’t access it anyway. Some friends get a bit frustrated as they have to tell me things separately but I refuse to go on it. I just can’t stand it all.

123kitty Tue 23-Jul-19 21:06:40

I would ignore the request. If she ever refers to it just laugh and say it was so cheeky you thought it was one of those money scams you're always heading about.

Tangerine Tue 23-Jul-19 21:35:29

I'd ignore the request if you don't normally buy her a birthday gift.

Different if she was doing a sponsored walk or something similar.

Deedaa Tue 23-Jul-19 22:07:31

If it's a friend I wouldn't normally give a present to (and there are only a handful of them) I ignore it. I do have a very nice Facebook friend in America who I met when she was asking for donations when one of her cats was seriously ill. I sent some money, the cat recovered and we chat from time to time.

janeainsworth Tue 23-Jul-19 22:32:17

I don't see what's actually wrong with asking people to give to a charity instead of giving a present, if they were going to give you a present anyway.

A few years ago we gave a party and asked people to make a donation to Crisis, instead of bringing gifts. We raised over £600.

No-one has to respond to anything on FB if they don't want to.

LuckyFour Wed 24-Jul-19 09:42:52

She's pretending to be so generous having her friends give the money to charity rather than giving her all those presents. She sounds rather self absorbed and pretentious.

Walk away.

janeainsworth Wed 24-Jul-19 10:43:44

What a nasty post Luckyfour.
Perhaps the friend just feels fortunate about what she has in life & would rather people donate instead of spending money on things she doesn’t want or need.

MawBroonsback Wed 24-Jul-19 11:25:46

Hear, hear Janeainsworth
Sometimes I wonder and am saddened by how some people give a negative spin on everything and can be so downright nasty. Are they like that in RL? And while everyone may have their opinions, are they justified in such sweeping statements (without knowing any more) ?

fizzers Wed 24-Jul-19 11:53:02

Just ignore them, I do, and I see plenty of these in lieu of a birthday gift, and the Gofundme pages. If you want to contribute, then fine, if not just scroll on

mabon1 Wed 24-Jul-19 11:57:26

ignore

Grammaretto Wed 24-Jul-19 21:22:53

Thanks for your views. I have wished her a happy birthday on FB and she has thanked me, telling me I'm the first as her birthday is in fact tomorrow! FB slipped up there. Her charity fund is growing but no thanks to me.

This friend is very happy at present because she has just become engaged. I know this because it was announced on facebook.

I find it tiresome when people seem to live their lives so publicly.

However I am on several FB forums for various interests and I play scrabble online and I'm on here so I can't really judge others can I!

sazz1 Thu 25-Jul-19 01:29:54

Facebook has a ĺot to answer for and causes lots of problems. What upsets me is people asking you to show your support for various causes e.g cancer, autism, mental health etc by putting the picture on your status for 24hrs How is that showing support? Support could be donating time fundraising or giving money, volunteering etc but not by posting a picture.

RosieLeah Thu 25-Jul-19 09:21:56

My DIL recently did this. Not only was the charity one I would not support, but the minimum donation was more than I could afford. I just sent her a card.