Am I selfish taking a lover?

I wish my DH would descreetly go elsewhere and leave me alone - he’s nearly 60 and still up for it 2yimes a week. I can’t stand it. I’d quite happily turn a blind eye if it were just sex and I got left alone. Seriously, I’d love to be celibate, I’m 54 - just not interested.

Quote,'I am not planning on falling in love with this other man'. Can this be guaranteed?Unless you are so devoid of feelings having previously experienced no strings sex what guarantee do you have that at some stage this arrangement of casual sex will not develop into something far stronger that sees you and this man leaving your partners for each other.?

Do you have adult children, grandchildren, brothers, sisters or elderly parents.
If this is a genuine post, you seem to be envisaging uncomplicated jolly sex and companionship one afternoon a fortnight and no harm done

I'm amazed any older woman can believe such nonsense

I agree Iam.

I third it, iam.

Wound up rosecarmel?
Moi?
I think it is hilarious that OP with her “high sex drive” is contemplating assignations with her “lover” one afternoon a fortnight !
It’s not exactly Brief Encounter is it?

Tigertooth I've known quite a few women who've said the same thing. May I ask you something? How would you feel if it was just sex at first but, over the years, he fell in love with someone and actually left you?

MawB - No, it isn't exactly Brief Encounter.

GrannyOrNanny - someone named June (can't recall her exact name) said she'd left her husband for someone and he'd left his wife but it had all ended in tears when he returned to his wife.

It's up to you but I'd think carefully about the repercussions.

I agree with Iam too.

'I am not planning on falling in love with this other man'.

You say you want to have this affair for the intimacy/closeness/conversation as well as the sex ... so you probably would fall for him!

I think you are kidding yourself. You do not sound like the kind of person who can have detatched convenient sex and compartmentalise a physical affair. You want an emotional relationship with this man too

O.H told me that I could find someone else.
He has been unwell and not interested in physical love.
I told him that I wasn't interested and feel I would never be.
Why kick someone who is down.
I do love him, maybe we have a brother and sister relationship. From the experience of friends and family who have had a partner who went with another man/woman the hurt takes a long time to go and sometimes never.
Children, even if adult, will have opinions and may resent you.
While everyone has different situations , think hard about this.

Hard to believe this is genuine as who would ask a bunch of strangers for advice on such a matter!?

Having a lover may improve your sex life and your self esteem, although the sex might not be as good as the sex in your imagination, and if it is casual arrangement you may not feel any more loved. But it will almost certainly increase your dissatisfaction with your husband whether it is kept secret or not. If your husband becomes aware of your affair then that will not help improve your relationship and he may divorce you for your infidelity. Is it possible that the new man in your life represents a transition towards eventual separation and escape from an unhappy marriage? If so, take care as married lovers in casual affairs rarely leave their wives..

I once had this dilemma many years ago, decided that I couldn't live with the guilt and my responsibilities towards others were too great at the time, so I didn't have the affair, but the decision not to was an incredibly difficult one. Had I not had responsibilities towards my children at the time, I probably would have had the affair, as the magnetic attraction was almost overwhelming. I did eventually leave my husband many years later, but not because of anyone else. Ironically I think my husband found that harder to come to terms with rather than if had I left him years earlier for somebody else, as he had no one else to blame for the breakdown of the marriage.
Whatever you decide there may be unforeseen consequences.

@eebeew, I think someone is writing a "bodice ripper" and is looking for ideas, seeing how others react to extra-marital affairs.
If you were really going to have an affair would you broadcast it to the whole of the world on the internet. This is effectively what the OP has done as it is a public forum.

Look up the meaning of narcissist.
Imagine being the wife on whom you intend to wreck this havoc. How does it feel?
Are you still comfortable with your proposed actions?

OMG just bloody get on with or not, we don’t really care !!

Kwest you know if you wanna throw labels about, which is a big of a reach in this case, it works both ways: Narcisists and emotional abusers can withold and ration communication, affection and intimacy to control and manipulate their partner.

I'm not saying this is indicated in the OP, but if youre going to bring these labels into it be careful you're not labelling the victim, particularly as Narcisists like to outwardly look like the street angel/victim so manipulate their loved ones into doing things that suit that narrative

Just do it yourself.

That way nobody gets hurt.

* harrigran* “Take a lover” does indeed sound very Mills & Boon!
This on the other hand is rather more Victoria Wood “Ballad of Barry and Freda”

www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNU5KVa_Tu8

Wondered how long it would be before the 'N' word cropped up. Evidently the latest trend.

Its not always the ones who put in the "final nail" who caused the relationship's demise.

The one who is walked out on or cheated on gets to be seen as the innocent in the relationship but nobody knows what preceeded that! THEY might have been the one who went cold and wouldnt try to fix it.

Maw - this is so brilliant. What a clever lady she was.

@Any nasty replies you won't reply.

I wasn't nasty I gave a honest opinion.
I think you want everyone to write go for it,It's worth a few cuddles and feeling loved although you won't fall in love!!!And of course your not selfish.
I agree with above comment that this is a wind up.
If you'll that unhappy go get a divorce and your be free to find another instead of contemplating a married man. Although if you choose your married man it must be because you want a seedy, drama filled life.
Good luck in your responsible decisions.

@notanna surely we can only go on the information given. And that the husband is hard working. She doesn't want to leave him. Doesnt want to fall in love.But she wants her cake and eat it. This sounds more than selfish. What a mess this world would be if we all chose to cheat?

You could always try “ self partnering “ if you needs you some satisfaction ?

OP - have you tried cold showers?