wanting to spend Christmas on my own

This is one year where you can do Christmas on your own if you wish - the virus gives everyone the perfect reason (or excuse!) to stay at home on your own without giving offence!

I don’t really like being on my own at times like this, so after a very happy Christmas last year with DD and family who are going to their in-laws this year, my sister in law has kindly invited us both over for Christmas lunch.

However, I don’t think that the virus gives a fig about Christmas Day nor stops being contagious over the festive period, and we had been worrying about safe bubbles in my sister in laws house as her daughter with g’children, including one university student, will be there, so a couple of suggestions here of a festive brunch in the park is something that we’ll think very seriously about, thank you.

Hope everyone has a lovely time, whatever you decide. ???

I am with Moggie 57
wish I had adapted to being on my own. (dh died Nov.2019)
hate being on my own.

fascinating how we are all so different.. my youngest ds and dil wouldn`t mind if I said I was o.k. on my own, my eldest dil,ds and 4 gks... love me to go to them... dil likes a full house.

Like Highland Dreams, when my first marriage broke up I wanted to spend the first Christmas on my own but was 'bullied' into spending it with others. After that, for the next 7 years I either went abroad or happily spent the day on my own and loved it. Do what you want. Take care. x

Those like myself for who spending Christmas away from loved ones is not an option will no doubt be one of those ,(call me a 'miserable old -- )who disagrees .
Life is too short. ONE day a year unless you have to travel long distance ? is it too difficult. You will have the other three hundred and sixty four days to 'wanna be alone'. I know what I would choose .

I like a self-indulgent Christmas Day in pyjamas, no-one knocking on the front door, eating, doing, watching what I want, on my own with food cooked beforehand.
Looking back, I endured a few 'family' Christmases entertaining people I saw once a year, fractious, bored children who wanted to be at home (I understood that) or snoozing oldies or eating food that I'd prefer cooked 'more imaginatively' or all three. (All that, knowing that the hostess had been caused a lot of stress over quite a long period of time.)

I am hoping we will get the best of both worlds.
DH and I have said we won't be going as usual to my stepdaughter's for Christmas Day and have been told that our Christmas Dinner will be brought round to us.
I am also hoping they might have too much cooked potatoes and sprouts and I can make some bubble and squeak.

'Staying at home alone is only a sad experience, if you would rather be with others and can’t.'

This is so true. I've struggled with deciding this year. My son and his wife and my 2 month old grandson are living in Germany so coming over isn't realistic. My daughter lives in Glasgow and I'm near London. She came to stay with me in October and we went to visit the newborn together before the family moved to Germany. Understandably she's not keen to drive down again so soon, especially as she can't see other friends in this area, so I'm going to her. I'm dreading the 400+ mile journey but will enjoy being with her. She would be upset if I didn't go and would have to spend the day with her local bubble, while I'd be alone here as all my friends have their own family bubbles.

I wouldn't mind too much being alone - I think she needs me to go more than I need to be there - and it is such a long drive without being able to stop over but lockdown has been hard for her. Normally I'd book into a hotel half way for a break, but that isn't possible now with the area half way all being in tier 3 so can't go before the 23rd. My other family (brother and his family) mostly live in the half way area but seeing them would be breaking the rules too!

I'm going to have to set off very early and take lots of stops for naps then coffee if I'm to survive the long drive!

Looking forward to Easter when I hope to see DS, DiL and GS again when hopefully things will be safer for them to visit.

Good luck to those of you who choose to stay home. Your families need to understand and let you do what is best for you.

Even without Covid, I still may decide to stay home alone, and it won’t bother me one bit. We always went away at Christmas, because neither of us were fans, but last year the Bodach was dying, so I had dinner at number two son’s, but I think I was on autopilot. Covid has meant that I haven’t really had a chance to get used to going to things on my own, so if I decide on ‘the day’ I can’t, (or don’t want) to face it, that’s what I’ll do.
My family all know that I won’t be swayed, so they’ll not argue.

I understand where they are coming from, Christmas is about families being together usually, but this year is so different. I do not think you are being unreasonable at all, it is your choice. Whatever you do, I hope you have a most enjoyable day, once your decision has been made, do not overthink it, it is just too tiring.

I am spending Christmas on My own
Told my son and daughter my plans
They weren’t too happy but they understood.Hopefully next year will be a better year for all of us and we can have Xmas with all the family together

You can be on your own any old weekend, embrace Christmas with your family

I confess I don't really like Christmas, but am married to a man who loves it all. This is a wonderful excuse for us to spend the Day alone but he's doing his best to get out of it, asking family over or even asking them to take us - so far I've managed to insist we're staying home.
I hope you can stay strong and be as firm as everyone advises. I'm struggling I admit.
I dread him coming home one day and stating that we're going to one of his huge families' for Christmas. (I'm sure they won't really want us anyway).

I love Christmas on my own. It started an a necessity after divorce when the children were at their Dad’s, but it’s always been lovely. I get in smoked salmon, champagne, a tin of Quality Street and a box set of DVDs, and have a thoroughly self-indulgent time. No cooking, no washing up or clearing up, and if I drink too much, I can fall asleep on the settee.

My friends and colleagues don’t get this at all. Every year I spend Advent fending off invitations to other people’s family Christmases. At least COVID has done me one favour - the limits on household mixing mean that no-one has space in their bubbles for unrelated people.

I agree, V3ra, that many people may feel they have to spend Christmas with family this year, like it's compulsory because the media go on and on about it. You're not odd if you don't. People shouldn't be forced to all come together on one day just because. I didn't think like this when I was younger, however we stopped travelling to relatives at some point and stayed together at home with the children, shutting the rest of the world out. Now, I too have fantasised about not doing Christmas. It's become the season to be anything but merry in recent years. As it happens, two of my children want to spend Christmas on their own and have a rest. Not that they don't love us. Seems we're all thinking the same but leaving some things unspoken so as not to offend. We can spend time together soon after, hopefully, and it will be much more enjoyable.

kircubbin2000

I hope to spend it alone. We have been told that the 3 households can be a bubble but we would be 4 and one of my sons is mixing with his in laws which adds contact with 2 more households . Not only would that break the rules but it adds too many people who have been mixing all over the place!

I am in this situation too. We, me with my bubble, have been having a regular weekend meal which I have enjoyed cooking. But now two student aged children have joined the household and one certainly does not restrain his activities and is also working in a restaurant. I really don't want us all together for a Christmas meal but I am lacking the courage to tell them. I have always, always done Christmas! Any advice/

Whilst I think it is completely your decision to decide how to spend Christmas, I find it baffling that you want to without knowing your reasons. For example, my DD and DIL hate crowds or eating in front of others so it makes them anxious so I find it easy to understand why. Before they were able to say, I used to feel quite hurt but I realise that was my problem and didn't try to persuade them. I just always hoped they'd change their minds one year. Of course, some people are just loners or don't want to risk covid. Whatever your reason, there are no invalid ones but I think it helps if you can say so people don't feel rejected.

It's awful that White Christmas has to turn into White lies!!!!! I quite understand anyone wanting to be on their own. Enforced merriment is not everybody's cuppatea! Btw I am very impressed by the really imaginative names you all use. Just love 'em!!!!

We had an aunt who lived 200 miles away from any close family and had no intention of travelling - she had a busy life and enjoyed spending Christmas on her own but even neighbours were horrified, and always inviting her to join theirs (which she didn't want to do). In the end, she was forced to hide in the back room of her house with all the lights out so they thought she had gone out! She used to get VERY cross with them all.

I have a lovely family too. My DH and I decided it would be safer to stay at home and wait until the vaccine before we see the family. After all it is only five days for Christmas and everyone has their own little family to look after. My two sons agree with us and have accepted our decision.
My DD is very upset, accusing us of not wanting to see our grandsons or her. She has not considered our side, we are now in our 70s, I feel very sad but she will never forgive herself if we fall victim of the virus.
Our DD lives with her 2nd DH and 2 boys. Her eldest son goes off every other weekend to see his father, so another bubble to consider. For the last 15 years she has bent over backwards to make sure her XH sees his son whom he abandoned at the age of 2. Our discussions about Christmas spelt over because she wanted us to see GS then let XH collect him from our place as it was convenient for them both. We said no, for obvious reason and we have had enough of being a convenient collection point. It is the only time we ever see our GS, when his dad picks him up. Now DD is not talking to us because I questioned why she is still being dedicated too by this selfish man.
My DH has had enough and told DD to leave us alone and make alternative arrangements. I am very sad at the prospect of not seeing any of the family over Christmas but we have to protect ourselves. AIBU

Agree with everyone on hear!!

Its' your decision of course, but I would try to see it from your family's viewpoint. If you're part of a three family grouping you're only going against your own inner critic and not a 'Boris rule'. And I don't know how old you are but if you're of an age where your adult children think this may possibly your last one (heaven forbid) I know what will be running through their minds. So for me it would be no stamping of feet and crying out NO, but rather some kind of compromise to be agreed by you all. Actually, you are very lucky to have this problem; there are lots of people, especially older ones who are going to be totally alone at Christmas and are dreading it.

freyja, you said ‘ Now DD is not talking to us because I questioned why she is still being dedicated too by this selfish man.’ I presume you mean ‘dictated to’?

Whatever the difficulties in your family, the fact that your daughter makes sure her son has a good relationship with his father is something she is doing right. Your own dislike of the man should not come into it, and if I were your daughter, your interference in this would be reason enough to be be angry.

moggie57, although I'm content on my own, I do understand your desire to be with your family.

You could do that a few weeks before or after Christmas, though. You could plan a luxury outdoor picnic.

The advantage would be that, should you need hospital care, you'll be outside the dreaded 'bottleneck time' expected as a result of so many mixing all at once - in those five days.

(My nurse friend is really worried about the repercussions.)

Daisychain, just explain that you are looking forward to this year spending Christmas on your own, surely they will understand, I’m doing exactly the same as you want to do, my daughter understands just said are you sure, and that was it, I don’t get why other people get upset and think it’s outrageous, surely it’s about what you want, not what others expect you to do to please them! X

Mbody, have you read daisychains post, she doesn’t want to go, she wants to be at home, so why are you telling her to go ??