AIBU to find my daughters in-laws rude

Apologies for ampersand, just had a ?!

Does anyone leave their door unlocked ? I haven’t for about 30 years perhaps you live in a small community were everyone knows everyone
In the days we did leave doors unlocked my Nan thought she heard a noise upstairs she crept up and found a man fast asleep on her bed , no phones in those days so she crept out the house to a small shop opposite and rang the police (this was also in the days police came out) anyway they came, woke him up he’d had a few too many bevvies and thought he was in his own home he honked up on Nans bedroom carpet much to her dismay

No way. Lock the door and ask if they could ring first.

Does anyone leave their door unlocked ?

Strange as it may seem, we do. Most of my family do. We even went away on holiday once and forgot to lock the doors. We don't live in the middle of an area with loads of crime though. We did have a spate of having cars stolen off the drive (not ours, thankfully) but our doors and windows are often open.

Lock the door! Your home is your castle . It’s okay to do so. How rude and disrespectful these people are.
I’m surprised anyone lives with unlocked front & back doors these days!

Our doors are always locked. So I’m agreeing with you trisher, and I like the reason you give about not feeling safe too. We started locking about 14 years ago, after a new neighbour’s 17year old son with ASD started arriving over the wall and making himself at home. It was frightening.
My children, who have a key, still ring the bell. My only concern would be that your daughter or son-in-law would give the parents/in-laws a copy of their key, so you’ll have to talk to them about that.

We leave our door unlocked when we're up and about doing things, but lock it when we sit down with the television on in the evenings. We would be able to hear people come in during the day, but probably not with the television on. We have been known to leave the door onto the balcony unlocked for days, accidentally.

Even when I've had a key, I haven't gone into someone's house without at least knocking first, or maybe knocking and calling out, depending on the circumstances. It's simply courteous to announce your arrival - just in case the residents are up to a bit of slap and tickle on the sofa!

And yes, safer for the children and well as better for your privacy if you lock the doors.

Two close family members live within a 10 minute walk of my home and both have keys...they will always text or call to ask if it's convenient to pop in.
I do the same.
Isn't it just good manners and courtesy?

Think your D in laws are being quite rude, thoughtless and lacking in respect after all this is your house and home !! Lock your doors and have a very open but careful chat with D & SIL !

So rather than speak directly to the in-laws about how annoying their behaviour is, you’d thought you’d post a whinge on Gransnet.

It sounds like you’ve left the doormat in the wrong place!

My front door can only be opened with a key from the outside. I don’t think it can be left unlocked. The back door and conservatory doors can be left unlocked, but not the front door. Why doesn’t the OP just have a quiet word with her family about this?

You really need to lock the door. My late MIL had her front door unlocked and someone walked in while she was in the garden and stole jewellery and her handbag. Empty handbag was found in bushes at nearby allotments a week later.
Unless we are in the front garden our door is always locked.

I am sure they are not being intentionally rude.

Presumably, they have always walked into their son's home without knocking, ringing the door-bell or phoning in advance.
To me that is quite normal in a family, but you have been used to doing things differently.

Where I grew up, friends and family came in through the open back door without knocking - they just called out"Anyone home? It's me," and then added their name.

I really think you should discuss this with your daughter before doing anything as demonstrative as locking your door.

It would be better next time your son-in-law's parents appear to ask them nicely if they would be good enought to knock or use the door bell, as it gives you a fright every time they suddenly appear in the house, as you have never been accustomed to people just walking in.

You are entitled to do things your way, but just locking the door will cause offence, you know, as they have always just walked in.

Your house, your rules. And these days, even if you are living in a rural idyll, it's not a bad idea to keep your front door locked.

Craicon

So rather than speak directly to the in-laws about how annoying their behaviour is, you’d thought you’d post a whinge on Gransnet.

It sounds like you’ve left the doormat in the wrong place!

Craicon I don’t know their in-laws, so I don’t know how they’d respond to being asked to knock.
It seems safer coming on here for advice, opinions or a ‘whinge’ than being accused of stopping them coming to see their son’s family, which is one possible outcome.

So rude! It might sound odd but my family always knock before coming in as I always did at my parents home.
You have given a roof over the head if your immediate family not all and sundry. Sorry, but I wouldn't put up with these people wandering in just when they fancy!

I too would be questioning the safety of your grandchildren OP, although you haven't said how old they are. I also wouldn't bother speaking to your D's in-laws. Tell your daughter that you're not happy about them just walking in, reiterate that your D and SIL are very welcome to stay with you, but they do need to remember that if they are inviting people to visit that it is YOUR home over and above anything else, and therefore, they shouldn't even THINK of handing out any keys, and should make your SIL's parents aware that you don't want them just marching in, and ringing to ask if it's convenient first is only good manners. Then it's up to your daughter how her and her DH deal with his parents. I also think that unless you live in a mansion, having 6 extra people in your home is enough, and personally would want them to socialise out of the home, visiting others rather than having my own peace interrupted on a frequent/regular basis, but that's just me.

My first reaction was like most posters' - start locking the doors!

However, I think that firstly, you definitely need to have a word with your daughter and son-in-law about this, and explain to them that it makes you very uncomfortable when anyone who doesn't actually lives in the house just wanders in. If they have told/given the in-laws the impression that it's ok to do that, then they need to know that you're not happy with it, and deal with the issue themselves.

If you start locking the door but don't speak to them about this, they will almost certainly just give the in-laws a key!

Either lock the door so they have to knock - which may work once but after that, SiL will no doubt make sure the door is unlocked in future or , as you say, you have compromises for privacy, how SiL's parents come into the house should be added to the list.
Just say to SiL that although it's lovely for his parents to visit, as it is your home, you would prefer that you either are informed when they will be visiting, or they must knock and wait for someone to let them in. Your house, your rules!

I think it's just what some families do and they probably know don't even realise that other people don't like it. But I totally understand that you don't like it because I wouldn't either!

I think you actually have two problems - one is them just walking in (which can be solved by locking doors) and the other that you all need to come to come agreement about visitors as it is not always convenient.

Talking tonyour son seems the place to start.

Is there an end in sight to them living with you?

My dad tried to just walk into our house once, and was surprised to find it locked. It’s beyond me why anyone wouldn’t lock their doors. The obvious solution I would think.

It’s a really good thing you’re doing for your daughter and her family. Do be taken advantage of.

Oops sorry, its your daughter.

Very disrespectful of them and amazing of you to share your home with so many extra people. I know they are your family but it still takes a lot of give and take. You don’t need the extra stress of the in-laws treating your house as their own.

My door is always locked as I would be fuming if someone just walked in. They should respect your home and be thankful that you have let them all stay.
Wrap just a towel around you one day and walk into the room and just say "oh I didn't know we had company." Hopefully they will be embarrassed and think to ring ahead in future

Like some of the other grans said - how do they get in? Do you live in Coronation St. where anyone can just walk in any time? But even if your SILs parents had to knock or ring the bell its still rude to just turn up without letting you know. It might be their son and grandchildren but it's your house! If, on the other hand, your DD said come any time that's a bit different; she'll have to be the one to amend what she said to: But ring first.