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Awkward situation

(62 Posts)
Daisychain64 Tue 24-Jan-23 21:23:35

I was asked last Summer if I’d be interested to go away on a City break by an old friend.
We rarely see one another due to our busy lives so it was lovely to catch up.
We had a lovely time, however on the second morning my friend entered the bathroom (shared a twin room with en-suite) without knocking & carried on getting ready whilst I was in the shower.
I felt quite shocked as it was overstepping boundaries & as I would never dream of doing this myself I felt embarrassed to bring it up with her.
She’s asked to go away again this Summer & as I feel uncomfortable I’m going to suggest meeting up for the day instead.
I don’t want to lose her friendship but equally don’t want to be put in an awkward situation again.
How would you deal with this situation?.

Daisychain64 Thu 26-Jan-23 21:35:55

I think because she also said any man would be lucky to have me afterwards it is obvious she also had a good look. She is 70 & unhappily married, I’m 58 & divorced. I view her as a motherly figure so it has slightly unnerved me. By coming in without even knocking has made me wonder if the intention all along was to look.

VenusDeVillendorf Thu 26-Jan-23 22:08:49

Went drag up the past?
Just lock the fire in future.

She probably thought as you didn’t lock the door last time that you were ok with her coming in?

No need to feel embarrassed, or embarrass her by dragging it out to a conversation, just lock the door in future.

VenusDeVillendorf Thu 26-Jan-23 22:10:11

Auto correct blips!
Fire=door
Went= why

Enjoy your next trip!

MawtheMerrier Thu 26-Jan-23 22:26:10

35Daisychain64

I think because she also said any man would be lucky to have me afterwards it is obvious she also had a good look
This seems to be getting more serious- (as often happens) and running to over 50 posts hmm
It seems to be preying on your mind and assuming a greater significance than suggested in your first post.
OK you were in the shower, what was to stop you grabbing your towel, preserving your decency and going into the bedroom?
Or else saying "do you mind I'm not finished?"
Or - obviously, locking the door in the first place?

First - she carried on getting ready
Then she used the loo as well
Then she had a good look

Anything else?

Yet you were happy to share a bedroom in which you presumably got dressed and undressed etc
Why the fuss now?

MawtheMerrier Thu 26-Jan-23 22:28:39

By coming in without even knocking has made me wonder if the intention all along was to look

And you feel awkward about getting our of going away with her again?
Something doesn't stack.up.

Daisychain64 Thu 26-Jan-23 22:51:52

It’s awkward because she has been a very good friend to me in the past which is why it’s such a dilemma & she’s recently asked to go away again.

I posted for the first time on here to see what others would do as I don’t want to talk it through with my friends.

Re: privacy I got changed in the bathroom to be private at other times.

NotSpaghetti Thu 26-Jan-23 22:55:07

Daisy I really think if you had fun other than this, just book your own room and enjoy another holiday.
I'm sure this will blow away once you have a more private space to shower and dress.
flowers

Esmay Thu 26-Jan-23 23:06:02

Some of my friends - admittedly not English are so laid back that they strip off to try something on ( even shapewear ) or show me a scar right in front of me .
There's nothing that I haven't seen .

They've called me in to scrub their backs or look at moles in the bath .

They talk about sex as if it's as normal as going to the loo every day !

One of my daughters will use the loo for a pee if I'm in the bath .

And then , I have other friends , who are plainly really embarrassed about their bodies , bodily functions and sex . They be absolutely mortified if I did as your friend did .

I just look totally impassive with both sets of friends .
I don't want to cause offence - good friends are a precious gift .

I lock the door .
And I don't go into a bathroom if someone is using it . I'd rather that they didn't come in when I'm having a bath .

If this is going to compromise your trip - you'll have to tell her very nicely and gently .

If she's your true friend she'll understand .

Doodledog Thu 26-Jan-23 23:31:23

Ok.

Are you suggesting that this woman has sexual designs on you?

If not, you have had a lot of suggestions as to how to deal with a difference in boundaries surrounding the bathroom.

If you do think that this is the situation, would you welcome such an advance?

If you would, it will be easy enough to give encouragement if she is 'sounding you out'. If you wouldn't welcome it, it will also be easy enough to make that clear. You could start by doing the things people have suggested anyway, which will give her a hint, and in the (highly unlikely) event that she doesn't pick it up and makes an advance, all you have to do is gently tell her that you aren't interested. There's really no more to it than that.

Kim19 Fri 27-Jan-23 03:02:21

This has moved from innocent friendship misunderstanding to bizarre suggestions. I'm out.

Dibbydod Fri 27-Jan-23 05:03:19

I really don’t see what all the fuss is about ,..just lock the door !

This is the reason why locks are put on bathroom / toilet doors so people can have some privacy.

So rather than spend wasted time pondering over all this with your friend , next time you go away with her just lock the door behind you . So Simple !