Gift from employer

I prefer the first one! (Don't say it! )

I agree with absent that a gift of jewellery is inappropriate, whatever the motives. Presumably the city banker is not actually your DD's employer anyway - the bank is.

JO4 I am not bonkers about so-called white gold, but must admit that absentdaughter hates yellow gold. That one's a bit nicer – but something I wouldn't walk barefoot through a cactus patch for.

And I still think – not from your boss – however beautiful the necklace. Mr absent trusts and loves me but I think he might feel a bit iffy if I suddenly turned up with diamonds. Even more worried if they were emeralds which he knows I love.

When I left my previous employment my boss (female, granted, but she did used to say she loved me) gave me a beautiful smoky quartz pendant and earring set. I think (a) times have changed (b) he obviously can afford whatever he bought and (c) if there is an ulterior motive she will find out and can deal with that then. So I'm with the 'lucky her' bunch! Keep it.

That's quite nice jingl but I prefer yellow gold as white loses it's lustre with wear. An alternative of course is platinum which is beautiful

I agree with those who say this is not appropriate. It will take tact to return it without causing offence but she cannot accept this.

Cannot?
I stand by my opinion, but I think she must make her own mind up!

If her Boss is single it could send a message, and I'm sure she would be aware of that!
If he is married, I would be more concerned, but surely if your DD has worked with him for a while, she would know what sort of man he is. I think that he probably wanted to show his appreciation of a job well done!
Accept it gracefully - but keep an eye on him and check whether his attitude towards you changes.
(some of us can be devious!)

gramps.

That is a really good reply. Covers most directions of the dillema. I could not have put it better myself.

Ceesnan from a sensible gentlemens prospective I think you have your answer.

Thanks to all who have replied, such considered responses! Gramps, I love yours in particular! DD's boss is married and middle aged and DD has met his wife several times and has indeed in the past been asked to buy presents for her. I think DD has decided to take Gramps advice and will keep the pendant and just keep an eye out for any changes in attitude.

Good for her Ceesnan I used to work for a lovely man who bought me presents (through his wife) and when I left she cried. Not everyone has an ulterior motive, some people are just plain nice! It would be a shame to hurt him if he is one of those.

Now we know all the facts, I agree that she should accept it graciously and in the spirit it was given! How lovely to be so appreciated

movedalot I agree with you on the fact that not everyone has an uterior motive and I think that office politic's have changed drastically from when I was office based,now it is classed as normal to have close male and female friends without it causing offence to anyone.

...with the exception of you, gramps...we gels know that you're a proper gent.

Thank you Ladies! xx

Flog it on eBay

I think it is a terrible idea to accept this. I think her initial gut reaction was spot on.
1. If he appreciates her work she should be rewarded via the normal pay and reward (or promotion) routes.
2. This is an inappropriate gift. Would he give a male colleague cufflinks? It has sexual overtones. Men giving women jewellry is only one step from giving clothes - they are both worn to adorn the female body. if it was something like a couple of tickets to the corporate box for her and a partner it would be a lot more appropriate.
3. Leading on from 2 - say he propositions or harrasses her at some point in the future. In the disciplinary hearing he says she has accepted this very personal gift, which he took as encouragement. This would weaken her case against him and the company.
The right thing to do is to hand it back gracefully and say that it is an inappropriate gift for a junior female colleague and she would like to be rewarded for good work by official company routes in future.

Hear hear Jess . It is completely wrong to make an employee feel uncomfortable by giving inappropriate gifts. I thought we had left that kind of thinking in the last century.

Too late, I think the gift has been accepted.

All my valuable jewellery was given to me by my employer and I accepted it in the spirit in which it was given. He didn't choose it though - he would take me to one of the many jewellers in Monaco and allow me to choose my own, with a guideline on price. He said it was just to let me know how much he valued my work.

I think Ceesnan's final post on the subject really settled the matter by giving the full facts of her DD's relationship with her boss and his wife.

The principle is a bad one though. Promote men, or give them a pay increase. And buy female employees jewellery!!!!! Humph.

Difficult one. If she has a good relationship with her boss and his wife, then I can't see a reason not to accept such a lovely gift.

However, the company may have rules on receiving gifts - especially expensive ones. Not having seen the pendant, it may be that it's not especially expensive. Maybe everyone is thinking in £000s!

If her relationship with her boss and his wife is not that close, it may be wiser not to accept, saying 'thank you for such a kind thought, but I couldn't possible accept such an expensive present.

I agree with Jess no good complaining about unwanted attention if you have already accepted the gift. I always advised DH what or was not appropriate as gifts for his PA, jewellery is second only to underwear as a gift because it is personal. The company DH worked for did not allow acceptance of gifts, other than tokens of very little value, all others had to be declared and failure to do so would result in disciplinary action.