My son wont accept my grandson is Autistic

"Inthefields"
In your post you addressed Cathy did you mean me Nelliemoser?

I addressed my response to Cathy as I had some issues with her comments on ASD particularly being calm.

Yes sorry! I didn't mean anything in particular about saying "getting by" but I was trying to point out that it can be a very disabling condition.

My DH is undiagnosed but has shown many classic Aspergers symptoms. He has an MSC but cannot organise himself, has lost lots of jobs due to slowness or not wanting to start anything when he has been asked.
A classic line was.. I would have done it if you hadn't mentioned it. He talks people to death and can't stop giving far too many details so the poor listener looses the thread. Etc tetc. My life is not made easy by this to say the least.

I totally agree with everything that has been said but ASD is such a wide spectrum that it is very difficult to generalise. My heart goes out to those who are severely affected and their families. Nobody asks for this affliction and I never cease to be amazed by families who do their utmost to give their children the best quality of life they can.

However this thread was concentrating on those less severely affected who could possibly cope in mainstream school and the fact that this disability may or may not be diagnosed or even accepted by some members of the family and it was to this group that I have been addressing my posts.

I cannot stress enough that for this group of children (in my opinion), mixing with so called normal children is the best option. It certainly seems to be working for my grandson though it is not always easy for him and sometimes I am very sad when I see the way other children occasionally laugh at him. The girls seem to be far more accepting of him than the boys.

Nelliemoser - I do apologise.
I am either have a fat-finger day, or a fat brain week! I did indeed intend to address your post ...think I must have read the 'Cathy' in bold, and just run with it

I was probably being a little defensive about the "getting by" comment, and know it was meant to be taken in context. I am so proud of my DD's independence, stable relationship and stable job that I tend to react to anything which questions her abilities.

If I am honest with myself, there are still some difficult issues, and there always will be. The upside is that DD has researched her condition, has an in-depth understanding of why she reacts to things as she does, and is therefore able to explain her reactions from an intellectual standpoint.

I so wish that more support was available to parents of higher functioning children on the spectrum.

Inthefields I have picked the wrong poster to reply to before now. its easily done. I just wanted to be sure who you had replied to.

Your DD is aware of what she is up against and does something to help herself manage the issues. Which is precisely what my DH doesn't do. He recognised himself in the symptom list but would never do anything about it. An old style man who see this as every one elses problem but his own. Sigh!

Nelliemoser - you have all of my sympathies. Living with someone who is not self aware of their condition is very hard, and there is no-one so resistant as a high functioning "Aspie" (that is my daughters term, and preferred choice of description,not mine!) because they are always right!

<thinks about adding a smile and concluding its not really a smiling issue>

Equally, they don't 'do' guilt. There is a Forum online which I found quite supportive in the early stages of DD's diagnosis - they have a very active, high functioning, married chap on the Board who is very self aware and does much to explain behaviours and suggest solutions ....it might be worth a look? (there is another for wives of, but it is very top heavy on divorced whose approach is : leave, it will destroy you! probably not helpful.

Truly you have my empathy; and today's bunch of flowers :-) .....its a ;long haul.
B x

I wonder when is the best time to make someone aware they have a problem. I dread the time when my daughter has to tell my grandson that he is autistic. At the moment he is blissfully unaware and a very happy child. He is 5.

My son discussed it with my seven year old grandson a few weeks ago. He wasn't very interested. This was after discussion about the right time to tell my grandson, with his therapist. I guess it will be one of those things to be revisited from time to time, with a bit more understanding each time. I don't think being autistic, per se, would make him unhappy, but the fact that he finds it so hard to make friends certainly does. He is atypical though as he actually wants to make friends. Oddly the Spanish school system works well for him as he has to learn and regurgitate facts. He is coping well in a mainstream school and is of broadly average intelligence, though he has problems with areas of learning around knowledge and understanding of the world.

Thanks for your thought Mamie .It is probably a bit early yet then for my grandson. Like yours , ours is desperate to make friends and is over-exuberant and noisy. However , he invades their personal space and is unable to sustain a conversation with them and so they tend to snigger a bit . Fortunately there is one boy in his class who is very similar to him and they get on like a house on fire and have been to play at each other's houses .Sadly , I think the school is going to separate them next year as the teacher , although an excellent one only in her first year of teaching, finds them a bit much even though my grandson does have one-to-one support.. Understandably, in mainstream she has got to consider the rest of the class.

Be grateful for the one to one support! In Spain there is no support in school at all; the therapist is a private one from the Asperger's Association. I think there is no one right time to tell them though, so much depends on the individual and the circumstances.

I totally agree about the timing .Yes, he is very lucky with his TA. She is a granny herself and she can see that my daughter sometimes gets a bit down because she(DD) compares him to other children so she always says something positive even on a bad day and you can see she really enjoys being with him. She has helped him a lot with imaginative play.

Yes I think the hardest thing for us as grandparents is seeing how difficult it is for our children when everything is such hard work. Even harder when you live a very long way away and can't do anything practical!

Yes, it would be lovely to be able to wave a magic wand.

My grandson has ADHD and mild autism, and although diagnosed eventually, was badly let down by the education system. Fortunately he is now in a special school which is marvellous and at 15 his future is looking positive. My daughter has written their story, as she hopes to help other parents with children on the spectrum. "The Boy From Hell: Life with a Child with ADHD" by Alison Thompson, available from Amazon in paperback and Kindle. I hope it's OK to mention it on here, I am very proud of her and think the book will be helpful to a whole range of parents and grandparents, and may help some parents to recognise aspects of their child.

I am glad you mentioned it. I would like to read it and will try and get a copy . Other people's experiences are always helpful. I am so pleased the future is looking bright for your grandson. That is encouraging.

Gorki, thank you and I wish your grandson and your family well. I'm sure your daughter will find the right time to explain his condition to your grandson. Autistic conditions are generally better understood these days and help is there but sometimes it's a struggle to get it.