DD3 has left the idiot - what now - advice appreciated!

Good legal advice is a must! We had a friend who left her husband and left him in possession of their council house because she "didn't want to cause any trouble!" The council rehoused her in a totally unsuitable flat and she ended up trailing round the country with her daughter moving in and out of friends' houses. It may not have caused her ex husband any trouble but was a nightmare for her and her daughter for years.

She should have a look at this site for a start and make a list of priorities. She should also go to the CAB and discuss her options but it is necessary to see a solicitor because if he has one and she hasn't, he will get away with far more than he deserves. She mustn't let him think he can trample all over her. Legal aid is still available if she can prove abuse which can include psychological and emotional abuse. Sounds as if she might have a case. Good luck to her and her children - and you, of course, kitty.

PS Legal aid is, apparently, available for the mediation process. She should have representation for that because he will have. She needs a good settlement not just for her own sake but especially for the children.

It seems to me he would be obliged to pay a substantial amount of his large income towards his very young children's upkeep. I would expect your daughter at the very least to be bought out of the company, they are after all married, giving your daughter some financial security for her children's future.

I can't see any sense in your daughter staying in their rented house, she would have to find the rent. So after December when the lease runs out does that mean your daughter ends up without her own car?

I see you and your husband as having to fight for your daughter's rights kitty but it will be well worth it in the end. She would feel worse when she sees him with a new partner living it up while she struggles bringing up their two children. Doesn't sound like he is going to pull his weight where they are concerned. Best of luck.

I can only reiterate what others have said.

Please help to get her some good legal advice. Although I thought so at the time, my solicitor wasn't much good and she let me get stung for thousands and my children too. Your DD needs to stop agreeing to whatever he wants, he will take her to the cleaners otherwise and to put her and her children's needs first. I know this is difficult at this time. You feel in a sort of limbo and a dream and as if it's all not real. Go with her to any appointment, take a note pad, jot down what they say. Do what you can for the day and then put it to bed, so to speak, and help each other relax.

Get any child care arrangements in an order or a contract. He cannot just say he is not having them after making arrangements. If he is doing this now what will he be like in years to come. Get it legalised. My son is currently having counselling because his father abandoned him at 8 years old, he is now 17 and it still hurts him deeply.

As for the CSA, I know that for one child it is 15% of the man's wage. For two children it is 20%. I don't know what it is above this for more children.

My ex asked me to sign our marital home over to him in exchange for all our debts. I agreed. (I moved into council as he was violent). We got to court, his solicitor said the house was in negative equity, more or less made me sign the house over and then only agreed to pay debts in joint names. My personal debts were handed back to me. He sold the house two months later at a profit of £60,000. So I missed out on £30,000 and my debts being paid. How someone could be like this when you have shared a life and had children is beyond me. This was in 2001.

Take care of yourself Kitty we are all here for you, anytime.

When you say she will cease to be a director of their company, there will surely be legalities to go through and an entitlement to some recompense?

If he is the sole shareholder or there are shareholders (and kitty's daughter isn't one) holding above a certain percentage of the company shares (not sure what that percentage would be for the UK), they can vote to dismiss her as a director without any input from her and no, there is no need for recompense on that front.