The annual wedding present cash gift dilemma....

My eldest GS is getting married on a beach in Florida on Nov 5 we are not going (wild horses etc etc). They are having a celebration party here at the end of the month when they come back - no food or drink other than nibbles is being provided but we shall go despite having to put up in an hotel for the night and have a meal out. I asked him if he had a wedding list I could see as I prefer to send a gift. He replied thanking me saying that as they have lived together for some time the had 'more than enough and probably too many things' but if I really wanted to give them a store gift card that would be very nice. In the light of this I'm planning to give them £100 voucher and a bottle of champagne to toast them. His sister is getting married next summer in a formal wedding ceremony with all the exs I am planning to give her £200 towards her cake and £100 voucher, I have thought maybe that's unfair.

TT I think your post is spot on, not at all unfair.

My parents had jewish friends who learnt that they were on the next list for the concentration camps. They were not poor and had family land, but arrived in UK with nothing, made a life here with their kids.

My mother always quoted to me a phrase of the wife.

Give when the hand is hot.

I have always remembered that in my giving.

Gosh, that's a difficult one, Teetime. Siblings tend to expect to be treated the same and seem to disregard things such as how well off one might be compared to the other etc. I'd tread very carefully.

It seems unfair to me teetime on the face of it - what is the logic?

Wilmaknickersfit I read your post of 12;31 rather quickly and thought you had written so fights were involved not flights........when you were referring to one of the christenings being in Ireland....

I know that we missed out by getting married in Kenya, though my parents were always scrupulously fair. This didn't apply to some other relatives who I know gave gifts to my sisters but managed to conveniently forget about us, even though we were back in Britain for good eight months later. My very cheap in-laws gave us a tenner to buy a picnic set which wasn't very lavish even in the early '70s and I know they gave his brother and his wife a rather swish canteen of cutlery. So I try to be very careful not to let my DS2 and his partner feel that they have been sold short by not being married, unlike his brother and his wife.

Yes, I would always give the same amount to siblings. In fact I make a note of how much I've put in exam congrats cards for my GNs so that I don't give more or less to the younger ones when it's their turn. It's a minefield!

I've never heard the rule about covering the cost of dinner. Wouldn't that mean giving more to the ones who can afford the lavish do, and perhaps need it less?

GillT57 your reply did make me giggle - no fights, not that I heard about anyway!

As a sibling I would be miffed at knowing I got less.

Mmm yes I will probably even it up - the logic if you can call it that is that I asked DD1 if I could pay for something for the wedding(s) itself for both e.g. the cake and GS is not now having one. I was treating the gift as a separate issue and would do both the same.

It does make sense to give more to someone who is providing you with a day out but [as I'm learning about with my family] when it comes to siblings you have to do everything possible to diffuse any jealousy. Never had brothers or sisters myself so it's all a minefield to me .

One of the most fun gifts we received was a wedding night basket. It was a lovely basket filled with treats including caviar, crackers, pate, fruit, wine and wine glasses. There were a couple of other food items, but I forgot what they were. It was a very nice and thoughtful gift that we enjoyed very much.

See here more wedding gift ideas
www.etsy.com/market/wedding_gift_ideas
houseplantation.com/category/wedding-gifts/
www.uncommongoods.com/gifts/wedding-gifts

a bit of free advertising. This conversation ended three months ago. Cheeky.