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The annual wedding present cash gift dilemma....

(37 Posts)
ladytina42 Wed 16-Sep-15 19:02:03


In a couple of weeks time, OH and I are travelling to Hampshire for the wedding of my nephew. The 'happy couple' have requested cash gifts, which is fine by me as i hate shopping grin

But how much to give? I am close to my sister, (nephews mum) but not my nephew. Partly, I guess, as we live 330 miles apart and do not see each more than once or twice a year. Though following my mothers passing last year we are all making more efforts to visit each other (i have 3 sisters in total and we all live miles apart) Anyway, i digress, any advice on how much i should give, i was thinking £50 but worry that is not very generous.

Would appreciate some honest opinions.


jinglbellsfrocks Wed 16-Sep-15 19:06:51

It depends on your means really. Could you manage a hundred?

aggie Wed 16-Sep-15 19:09:10

add the cost of two meals a tip and something over , think it would be nearer £100

annsixty Wed 16-Sep-15 19:37:12

What would you have spent on a gift? I suggest adding 50%. I feel that asking for monetary gifts makes us give more than we intended. On the other hand we don't want to appear mean IF we can afford it. My neighbours GD was moving into a house and I said I would like to give her a small housewarming gift. I was directed to the Next catalogue where things were v expensive and as she is a good friend I ordered one. When she came to marry I felt the wedding gift list was over the top and I ordered the cheapest thing which I felt was appropriate.

janeainsworth Wed 16-Sep-15 19:44:09

I tend to give £100 to nephews/nieces and £50 to friends/children of friends.

Iam64 Wed 16-Sep-15 20:11:07

This is helpful ladytina, I hope you don't mind if I join your question as mine links with your OP. One of my nephews is getting married - the happy couple are going abroad together, no relatives or friends are attending. They have a house and don't need domestic stuff as they've been together ten years or more. I was thinking £50 but now wonder if that sounds mean. Any comments will be appreciated

Ana Wed 16-Sep-15 20:14:42

I think £50 is fine - just the right amount really.

Of course it depends on your personal financial circumstances, but it's certainly not a stingy amount and they'll be getting larger amounts from closer relatives.

Ana Wed 16-Sep-15 20:15:18

(far too many 'amounts' in that post! hmm)

Maggiemaybe Wed 16-Sep-15 20:23:44

I would say £50 too - that's what I'd be thinking of for a nephew or niece anyway. I'd maybe throw in a bottle of fizz if I was going to the wedding.

annsixty Wed 16-Sep-15 20:27:17

If I wasn't invited to the ceremony and they were well established I think £50 is a generous gift.

janeainsworth Wed 16-Sep-15 21:02:01

Yes, I think £50 is fine if you aren't going to the wedding.

NotTooOld Wed 16-Sep-15 21:07:21

We are going to a niece's wedding this weekend. There is a John Lewis wedding list so that you can go on-line and buy a present but DH (it's HIS niece, not mine, and he has probably only spoken to her two or three times in her life as we do not live near) wants to give money instead and he is thinking £50. This seems about right as we are also expected to 'donate a dish', that is take our own food to the reception. This is something I have not heard of before but it is apparently the latest thing.

rosesarered Wed 16-Sep-15 21:24:06

it has to depend on your means I think.I do the same as Janeainsworth,
£50/60 to children of friends and about £100 to children of relatives, but only if they request money, I would rather send a gift.

rosesarered Wed 16-Sep-15 21:25:06

thankfully, we don't go to many weddings.

Marelli Wed 16-Sep-15 22:18:36

£50 is what we gave to DH's friend and his fiancee when they got married last month. smile

harrigran Thu 17-Sep-15 00:17:38

We gave DH's nephews £300 pound each and friends' children £200 and our DIL's brother got £100 in John Lewis vouchers because I bought the bridesmaid dresses for GC and we weren't invited to the wedding. DH is overly generous and bought a PA, at work, a dining table from John Lewis, I did get slightly annoyed over that.
DS and DIL requested no gifts when they married but asked if anyone wished they could contribute to their university hardship fund.
I think a lot depends on whether the couple already have a house and are living together. You should just give what you feel comfortable with.

Stansgran Thu 17-Sep-15 11:05:55

I always give a water jug. I hate giving money unless it's a close relative. I feel it's becoming grasping. I heard of one couple asking cash only in a post box at the reception and taking the cash to the travel agents on the Monday for the honeymoon.

Heirofthedog Thu 17-Sep-15 11:13:44

£50 sounds a decent gift to me. I certainly wouldn't think you were being stingy. Or you could get them a £50 voucher for John Lewis. Enjoy the wedding!

Nonnie Thu 17-Sep-15 11:34:04

It is common in NL to have a box into which people put money. DS thought his close colleague was very generous to give 50??.

I have heard of people paying straight to the travel company towards a honeymoon.

I think that giving cash has become more prevalent because couples live together before marrying and already have a home and contents.

janeainsworth Thu 17-Sep-15 11:44:01

It was beautifully simple in Hongkong.

If you went to a Chinese wedding banquet you just gave HK$100 in a lucky Red Packet, and it was both symbolic and to offset the cost of the dinner I think, rather than a gift for the happy couple.

That was about £10 but I imagine the going rate is rather more than that now!

I think gifts of cash are better than random toasters or apostle spoons, and cash avoids the dilemma of going to the dreaded wedding list and finding there are either only very expensive things left, or the odd tea-towel.

WilmaKnickersfit Thu 17-Sep-15 11:55:20

£50 sounds fine to me, unless you have given more to other family members who would get miffed. If you're worried you could always do what we do in these circumstances - give the £50 and a small inexpensive gift that's hard to guess the price of but keep them happy!

When a couple who are already established, I much prefer it when you are told not to buy them a gift and that you attending their special day would mean more, especially when you would incur the cost of staying away from home.

Sadly we have not attended two weddings and two Christenings in recent years because of the staying away from home costs to us on top of a gift and used my health as the reason. I would have loved to have gone and doubt if the families really thought about how much it can cost to attend these days.

rosesarered Thu 17-Sep-15 12:06:52

Yes Wilma, the price of the hotel, petrol, meals out etc all adds up,as we found to our cost last year.

WilmaKnickersfit Thu 17-Sep-15 12:51:36

One wedding was in the USA and the other was in Ireland (one of the Christenings too), so flights were also involved. The world is a smaller place in many ways, but at a cost.

Gracesgran Thu 17-Sep-15 12:54:10

I have always understood it should be the cost of the dinner. What would it cost for 2 people? If you are being asked to "bring a dish" they may well not be expecting presents. Has this been made clear?

I cannot afford to attend weddings these days any more than I can afford to eat out with lots of people I don't know at a cost I cannot afford in any other circumstances.

Sorry if that sounds a bit curmudgeonly but I bet I am not the only one.

Gracesgran Thu 17-Sep-15 12:55:23

Sorry WKf - I should have read more carefully as you were making much the same point.