Christmas gifts off grandchildren.

Could you trying making a joke of it - say 'Now that you are working, what are you going to buy your old granny for Christmas?'

It might make them think, although they do sound as if they are very unfeeling.

Sorry I don't think it is an issue, none of the adults in our family get a gift. We all spend the day together and have a meal and that is what's important to us.

I always bought my Grandparents gifts, and cards, all my life, until they died.
I have an autistic grandson of eleven, who under protest will scrawl his name on a card for me and two others, little ones, who make glittery cards under instruction from DDIL.
Who knows what they will or will not do / buy /make for us in the future.
I don't think that you can say anything OP, but if they are older and earning, just send a family Christmas card.

seagazer (lovely name btw) if your DGC are giving cards and/or presents to their other gran, then that's not right. Maybe you could slip something in to the conversation with your DD about wondering why the DGC give to their other gran, but not to you? Might give them a much needed jolt and put your mind at rest. I think you should at least expect a card for your birthday and at Christmas.

It depends on the family way of giving. I felt that a communal present to the older generation is fine as I was financing it and children didn't have much pocket money.i certainly don't expect presents from DGC as long as their parents remember us. I always send cards individually to the GC . I'm not interested if the other gps get presents or not . They are not me and their relationship is different.

Thank you Wilma yes the other grandparents seem to get treated a bit more thoughtfully. The thing is they've never been hands on GPs, it was always me and DH who did all the running round and babysitting when they were younger. The other ones like I said would give them gifts of money for birthdays and Christmas, but they never got involved like we did. When they were younger I was very much needed, now not at all really, and it's like my DD feels as if she doesn't need to make the effort itms.

How old are your DGC Seagazer?

I am feeling very sad for you Seagazer. I think it all boils down to good manners. Someone needs a wake up call. I think you should be very brave and say something. I once got so upset with my DD forever banging on about 'poor Daddy' (umpteenth job loss - guess who was holding it all together?). I just lost it, burst into tears, slammed into my bedroom shouting 'just for once in this lifetime could someone worry about 'poor Mummy). The result was amazing. I got hugs and apologies all round. No-one had considered for one second that good old Mummy needed support too. Sometimes the blindingly obvious needs spelling out.

My DGC are still young but their school has a Christmas market where families donate gifts suitable and then the children to buy them back for their family..well not always the things they donates I have had some very interesting presents!
It seems sadly thoughtless of adult grandchildren (and their parents) not to give a token gift.. tbh a framed photo of them would probably be a great gift! I think I would say that as you find it difficult to find things that you think they will like/want you will give some money to a local charity or AgeUK instead from now on.

There's a 20 year old and two nineteen year olds. So not children, and certainly old enough to show a bit of thought.

Not usually very thoughtful at that age especially lads!

Granarchist I so agree with you that sometimes the blindingly obviously needs spelling out.

seagazer it sounds like this could eat away at you and the risk when that happens things can be blown out of proportion. Hopefully you'll be able to to try some of the suggestions on here and enjoy this Christmas knowing you've done something.

Yes we do get (good) presents from our young grand - children. They generally choose the gifts but they are paid for by their parents.We see it as a thank you for all we do for them during the year. Also, their parents think it is important that the children learn to give as well as to receive.

i'm so lucky - i've had presents from my grandaughters all their lives. to start with it was funded by parents but when they were old enough they chose the presents and cards.
they love to see my reactions and, most of the time, i love what they've given me.
and it's not only christmas but birthdays too - and i get an easter egg as well [at the appropriate time of course].
they know they like having presents so they think that i will too - and, of course, i do.

I have decided to give my grandsons some money to buy little Xmas pressies all round. And I will make it very clear that that is what the money is to be used for.

Sorted.

Of course, you can't really do that for grown-up grandkids, can you? Or perhaps you can?! It would get the message across.

My D@H have given both myself and OH a gift from our GD. She's nearly 5. Our children either buy a gift or give M@S vouchers to their only living GP.

My adult children only buy for my parents if they are spending Christmas with them. It would be a bit awkward not to! I understand why as my parents have never, ever given them an actual present, always money. It doesn't take much to ask nearest and dearest if they have any idea what the grandchildren would like and buy accordingly. Flowers or wine are always welcome now they are older. Money has always been gratefully received but my two would have liked a bit of thought to have gone onto the giving and therefore don't feel inclined to put themselves out. I did suggest they gave them money!!

I've given up hope of cards or prezzies from our adult DGDs; but was so
sad when no cards arrived from them for my DHs 90th birthday.
We have always sent them what, to us, were generous cheques for Christmas and birthdays; plus help
with Uni fees and other unexpected demands on their limited funds.
Where did we go wrong?

Leonora that's very sad indeed. In our family we make sure nobody misses sending cards for 'big' birthdays. Did you say anything to your DC?

I think children will follow the pattern that was set out for them from being little. I used to help my boys make plates of sweets, eg truffles or mint creams for their older rellies, and they loved the maiking and giving. We also made christmas cards, and I encouraged them to write thank you notes. (When they stopped writing thank you notes the presents stopped coming!! )
I always had it in mind to train my boys to be demonstrative, which they certainly are.
One year I drove my boys to a discount warehouse so they could buy me a birthday present, which we more or less chose together. After paying for it my older son handed the silk scarf to me in the brown paper bag, saying "happy birthday Mum", but I pointed out that my birthday was still several days away, and it would be nice if it was gift wrapped.
Off they went to their room, popping out to ask for paper and ribbon. Some time later they presented me with something that really did look like it must be a bottle, with the words, "here you are Mum, now you can spend the week wondering what this is"!!

Wilks your post resonated with me. My in-laws never bought presents either, always using the excuse that they didn't know what the children wanted. Er, they could ask? . Instead they gave money. But not to the children. They gave the money to me so that I could buy the presents on their behalf. They transferred the problem to me, leaving them with an angst-free run up to Christmas.
Every year, about a month before Christmas, they would hand over a little roll of banknotes so we could buy presents for all of us (including a birthday present for DS whose birthday is just before Christmas). Same thing happened with our birthdays too. In the meantime I would be racking my brains to think of something to buy them for Christmas and birthdays, as well as something that the DC could give them.
Looking back, I don't know why we didn't just give them money too.

When I was younger I lived with my grandparents in the school holidays. (My parents were working overseas) I remember buying a gilt and rhinestone necklace for Granny as a Christmes present it was very garish but I thought it was beautiful! Several years later after my grandmother had died my grandfather married again, in fact to my grandmothers younger sister. The necklace then appeared on my birthday, out of the safe, and in a jewellers box as my birthday present. I still have those mixed feelings of hurt and humour!

My best gift is to be with them at Christmas.

seagazer it's obvious that you don't need a gift and that the hurtful thing is to feel forgotten by your DGC.
Dropping a hint might produce a gift but wouldn't really make you feel better.

In your situation I'd start giving charity gifts. A favourite of mine is toilet twinning - www.toilettwinning.org/twin-your-toilet-now/ and there are lots of others you could find by googling.