17 daughter is a mum, but..

Well said, wondergran.

My daughter was 16 when she became pregnant, unintentionally. People really used to look at her and you could almost hear their judgemental remarks; the middle class mummies gave the most scathing looks. Thankfully nobody actually ever said anything.
Four years down the line she has a gorgeous, amazing little 4 year old boy who is mixed race so now people still look at her and no doubt some of them judge.
It's best to try and let it wash over you if possible. If they wasn't judging her for being a young mum then it would be for some other reason ie her clothes, her teeth, her bum.....we can be a judgemental lot at times.
I do think there is a Daily Mail sort of culture at times in society ie she is a young mum therefore she Must be a single mum, a benefit scrounger, she only did it to get a council house, the kid wil be delinquent.....believe me the list goes on and on.
My own feelings regarding my daughter's pregnancy at such a young age was one of some sadness and regret and a feeling that I had been a bad mother somehow. The reality however is that she had sex with a boy which is perfectly natural and normal and it resulted in pregnancy.
Hold your head high. Be proud of your lovely daughter and your fantastic, beautiful grandson. He will bring you unimaginable joy and pride so stuff what anyone else thinks or says. Perhaps they are just a bit jealous in reality. You don't need to say anything.....just glow with love and pride.

I don't know if it's over sensitivity. Around here there would be the 'looks'. Everyone where I live thinks that young girls have babies for council houses and benefits. You just can't get through to them that it's not like that for most girls. If I use my DD2 as an example they simply say, "Well, she's your daughter. You brought her up better." So you can't win.

Whatever the reason for their looks, just ignore them. As someone else said, silly old biddies with nothing better to do are just not worth it.

Perhaps very pointedly say "isn't my grandson gorgeous" in a way that they know how rude they are being.
You can't help but think that these people have not yet had much to cope with in their lives. Either they will and then they will realise that life is not black and white and actually these things are gifts of life, and certainly not a tragedy to be ashamed of. If nothing ever happens to them then in my opinion they have missed the whole point of things.
As I have got older I try not to be affected by people who would not lose any sleep over my family's welfare.

People stare and tut? Really? in 2015?

Are you sure???!! Maybe they are staring at a lovely baby!

Why would anyone tut? Why would strangers even give a second thought? How would they know she was his mother and not his sister or his aunt or the babysitter?

And strangers actually say something about it? Passing remarks?

Where do you live?! 1926?????

22 years ago my SIL had her 3rd son just a week after her husband died of leukemia. She was telling me a while ago of the hurtful things that were said to her because she was a young "single" mum. People should get their facts right before they make judgement||

I agree. I think you may be being over sensitive.

I had my first baby aged 22, too, Harri and had been married 11 months! We have 5 children - 1 planned!

Of my three daughters, 2 had babies before they married their partners (DD3 shouldn't have bothered but that's another story!). I son has 2 sons and isn't married - where on earth do these people come from that they think it is abnormal. Your lovely daughter may be a bit young - but so what - lucky you!!

I can not imagine why anyone would bother to comment these days, there is no stigma attached to being unmarried and having a child.
I had my first child at 22, when I look back at the photos, I look a lot younger. When we married we tended to do it younger than today.

How hurtful for your daughter. I remember a woman looking into my twin pram then at me (30 at the time) and saying vehemently, "I think you're disgusting." I never worked out what deviancy she thought I'd done to have twins. But as often, people who say nasty things rarely hang around for a response. I found then as I find now that there are so many lovely people around that it's not worth bothering with the others. Doesn't stop the hurt reaching you though.

I was 23 when I was pregnant with my first baby and worked full time until the 7th month.

A chap in another office said he was sorry I had got myself into trouble!!! I had actually been married for 2 years.

This was over 40 years ago and I thought that people were more open minded now.

Just smile sweetly and confidently and ignore the people who tut tut, they should mind their own business.

I had my first child young and looked even younger than I was. This was followed by three more. I remember lots of tuts and comments back then from strangers and family. I don't think its worth giving any time to and agree with Coolgran65 - "keep happy vibes." I have the last laugh now when people say "ooh, you look too young to have children that age, and grandchildren too." Tee Hee

I wish there was a like/love button on Gransnet because I love all the support on this post
Why people feel they have a right to judge you noonoo or your DD is beyond me! Just continue being a proud mum and grandma and enjoy every minute of it

Congratulations to you noonoo and to your DD. I can't give any better advice than that you have already received.

I have never thought about it before but have just realised that my father, myself, my first DS and my DGS and DGD were all 'surprise' babies. Maybe there were even more before that and possibly more to come! As vq says 'Every child is a blessing'.

I was just thinking along the same lines elrel. That attitude seems so dated, although some people will do anything to try looking down their noses.

nannynoo just enjoy showing off your grandson

Thoughtful posts from Penstemmon and gillybob.
I'm wondering what kind of area you live in to get such attention, it sounds like 50 years ago! All good wishes to you, your daughter and her baby.

It is lovely that your daughter has had her son and you are supporting her. Abortion is all too easy and people live with regrets. I have great admiration for young mums and single parents.

Oh nonoo I was (only just) 18 when I had my son . He's now 35 and a father of 3. I looked about 13 and was often asked if I had my baby brother out for a walk. I wonder if strangers actually really do tut, tut or are you just imagining it? My mum, a grandma at 38 imagined all sorts of people were looking and pointing but the thing is, it was only her feeling guilty and no one really gave a damn.

We took our 8 months pregnant DD2 ( then aged 27) on holiday with us because her partner of 4 years could not get time off work. She is short and petite so looked a lot younger. The raised eyebrows, funny looks and sympathetic smiles we all got was amusing to us!
People you don't know don't matter so just ignore them!
People you care about should know better about the situation and be supportive. If they are being thoughtless let them know that you are proud of the way your DD is coping with motherhood and what a joy it is being a grandmother and then shower them in mountains of photos, facts and anecdotes of the beautiful boy!
It is nobody else's business!

I agree with all the comments above. Just say how gorgeous he is & how lucky you are. That'll boost your daughter's confidence too.

Yes fully agree with everyone. Ignore the judgmental comments and be a doting Gran. My first DGS was a little surprise too. He was born on Christmas Eve evening 9 years ago and I was there to see him come into the world. There is no biological father around and DD had come home to live with us. He was and is the greatest blessing and we all love him so much. I loved to show him off as a baby and refused to listen to any negative comments. I think my enthusiasm for being a hands on granny blocked nasty comments.

Look these "holier than thou" old bags in the eye, tell them what a lovely grandchild you have, how quick he is to learn even at his tender age and bore them silly with how good he is!

All babies are precious gifts, early surprises or not.

miserable old biddies with nothing better to do

Never let anyone say the baby was a mistake. He may have been unplanned but never a mistake.

How dreadful!
Fix them with a stare and smile "Aren't I lucky, a lovely grandson while I'm still young enough to enjoy him. I am so grateful to my daughter".