Devestated Both Adult Children + only grandchild Going to Live Abroad

I do think that saying 'a daughter is a daughter all your life and a son is a son until he gets a wife' is the biggest load of tosh!
DDs are just as likely to live far away. My mother lives near my brother and sees him almost daily- I see her about 4 times a year.
I believe in 'give them roots and give them wings' and would hate them to stay near from a sense of duty. You can still have a great relationship across continents- lots do.

Our son emigrated to Australia 15 years ago. He is now married with 3 children. We tried to skype but I got really stressed as the connection kept breaking down so I found it easier to phone.
When we visited a few months ago I noticed how easy it was to Facetime on ipad so I have bought one and we now drop into their lives at least every week.
Instead of stilted conversations with the reluctant little ones being told " speak to Nanny" which felt so sad they now rush around showing us the cats, new toys etc, it's brilliant.
We are retired so can't visit as often as we would like plus the flight gets harder the older you are and with 3 children them visiting us is too expensive.
So if you can both manage it buy an ipad and you will feel much closer to them. I wish you all the best

Oh how I empathise with you! I have two grown-up children, daughter lives in America and son lives in Australia. We visit when we can but, of course, it's so expensive! I'm 66 and still work full-time and will keep on working as long as I can so I can fund our trips!

I miss my kids. We were very close and they were never any trouble to us. My daughter now has 2 children of her own and we are sad that we only see them about once a year.

But thank goodness for video links! We speak with our son on Sunday mornings every single week and then we speak with our daughter and the two children on Sunday evenings.

Daughter moved to America about 13 years ago and our son moved to Oz about 10 years ago.

Believe me when I say, you do adapt. You will always miss your kids but if you speak regularly by video link (Skype, gmail, facetime or whatever) then honestly, the miles don't seem as far.

I live in the far north of Scotland and I have friends who have kids who live in England but the distance involved mean that they don't actually see their kids more than I do mine and actually, because my kids live abroad they make an extra special effort to keep in touch with us.

Chin up - it won't be as bad as you think it will be!

When my son was America I had more contact! He tended to Skype when he was having his breakfast and we had almost daily chats- now he is about 60 miles away we don't Skype at all and can go ages with just the odd email.
My friend talks to her sister in Australia at least once a day- She would be far less likely if both in UK. Other friends do text messages whenever they think of something.
I know this is no consolation, but they are not 'lost' the way they would have been in the past. It sounds unlikely that your DCs were ever going to live around the corner.

Good on you for considering uprooting and miving to be near them. Shows you're not 'stuck' in your ways. Have you mentioned this to your daughter? Just be sure that this is intended to be a permanent move for them as you don't want to be following them around the globe should they change their minds.

Though actually, that sounds like fun too.

Re your sister, I know exactly how you feel. Let her go.

Have eventually managed to spend a few weeks in Australia with DS who's been there since 2007. He's been home a few times since but we've never managed to get over there because we were unable to leave elderly and ailing DMIL.

It is fabulous. I want to tell my two DDs that they ought to go and have a better life but the selfish side of me obviously doesn't want that to happen. I now fully understand that DS will not be coming back and I do miss him dreadfully but they need to lead their own lives. Sons are not always great at communication but I have found that I hear from and see DS more now than when he lived in the UK - albeit via email and FaceTime.

Relocating to go and live near emigrated kids is not always possible. Every country has their immigration rules, just like we do.
Then there is health insurance to consider as most countries do not have an NHS type service to the extent we do - and if they do, they may not have a reciprocal agreement with UK.
Another issue is property values. I remember chatting to a gran in NSW who said that she would not be able to afford the price of accommodation in the Sydney area as it had gone up far faster than her property in the UK.

I haven't read all the replies, so I expect I am repeated what some have already mentioned.
I quite understand how you must feel, I felt the same when my younger son said he wanted to live in NZ, as our oldest was already living abroad, but he has to for the work he does.
However I soon came to my senses and realized it was actually myself who suggested when he was younger, that if he gets a chance to live in NZ do take it, as I tried to persuade my late husband to move to OZ when the ten pound journey was still going.
Even so, when he first mentioned he was leaving, although it came as a shock at first, I then thought I am being selfish as he should have a wonderful life there, which he is now having with a family, all of whom I only see on Skype these days. I am sure you will get used to having them abroad and you can always visit them.

Bah humbug

Where there's a will there's a way.

That wasn't to you Cath9 - X/posts

Hello
I know this must be a shock but they have to live their own lives and you have done a good job to bring them up.It will not have been a easy choice for them .
Think of the joy of seeing them when they visit or when you go to visit them.
I do think the UK is not a place to be now I would be of like a shot if I was younger.
I have one son and he is going to Austrilia for 6 weeks soon to see if that is the place for him.

It will be hard for me to see him go but it is his life and his choice.

I wish you a Happy Christmas and New Year

Very sad but modern technology makes it easier, when my father went to Australia for 2 years with the services in the 50's letters were the only form of contact and took 6 weeks.

Start looking at cheap travel to where they are going and start saving. Enjoy your friends and pt work. Difficult time for you.

It most likely will be a better life for them. Not so sure about South America, different culture and language. I agree with them about London but an exciting place if you have money.

Your sister sounds like she has issues she can't deal with is hiding to protect herself.

My son has lived in South America for 10 years. Of course I miss him hugely but it is his life to live as he chooses. We bring them up to be independent so I look on it as a job well done. Be happy for them. We cannot live our lives through our children. They have so many opportunities now but so do we. Find new interests and give new meaning to your own life.

I have a son who lives with his family in Warsaw, Poland and a daughter who lives in Marmaris in Turkey. We visit each of them every year and have almost free holidays. You will be able to do the same and as others have said, Skype is free.

I'm always saving and happy to live a modest and quiet life in order to travel to see one son and family in America, and the other son and family in the UK. I live in France. Saving provides a sense of purpose and something to aim for. I've recently acquired an iPad, which makes communication very easy. Worth every penny.
As has already been mentioned, communication is so much easier than in previous generations, and am very thankful for that.

I am content that both sons live happy and busy lives. I love it when we all get together, and to see how the grandchildren have grown. Social networking fills in the gaps. And yes, I do miss them, but I have never lived in the same country since they were married and had children, so I don't have that frame of reference.

I think the distance has helped us all to grow into independent adults, and brought us closer together.

Anyway, enough of that. Off in an hour or so to see the UK lot for Christmas

My son and only grandchildren live in the USA. It's hard when you long to hold them but skype is wonderful way to keep in touch. Now they are 3 and 5 they chat to me and tell me things as if they saw me yesterday. They either visit here or I go to the USA once a year and it's hard when I see them on facebook at birthdays or Christmas, but they have a big and loving extended family over there and a much better standard of living and I do think that they are better off with more opportunities. Our children have to look forward in their lives and I do feel really glad that they are happy.

I really don't think that wanting your children in the same country is either 'living your life through them or mimicking their life. my DD and sil were in Aus when both our DGC were born, his parents used to say don't be upset when we left after a visit, there is always Skype - now DD and family have decided to come back to the UK the in laws are devastated but I would never dream of saying the same to them as I know it is definitely nowhere near as good as having them in person. Unless you have experienced this scenario it is impossible to know how you will feel, my sympathies are with you.

I do feel for you Trueblue. The same thing happened to me 12 years ago. My daughter went to live in the US with her husband and has had 2 children. Then my son moved abroad too, but he is back now, so you never know they may not stay abroad. I was devastated for a long time and there wasn't the same communication with Skype then or even texting. We emailed a lot though. We had booked to go and stay with my daughter and husband (at their suggestion) only a month after they went and that gave us something to look forward to, knowing we would see them again soon. We make sure that we go there once a year and they usually come to us if they can and it really has got better. We have seen so many places and had so many experiences by going to visit, that it really has broadened our minds and lives. Tomorrow they arrive for Christmas and my son and family will be coming on Christmas Day. We may not all be together again for a long time and I really am counting my blessings that they want to come home as much as they can. Do try to visit if you possibly can Trueblue.

One of the blessings I find myself being glad about is that I don't get embroiled in looking after grandchildren to the detriment of my own life! I love them to bits and enjoy looking after them while their parents go off for a weekend when we are there, or when they come here, but so many of my friends seem to run their lives round their grandchildren and get tired and can't go on holiday when they like.

I would love to have my family living close by and I do envy people who are 'Sunday lunch' distance apart. But, we have to love our children and let them go.
My son moved to Canada, married a lovely Canadian girl and now lives in Seattle. We visit once a year so that they don't have to use up all their scant holidays visiting us. When long haul gets too much for us, they will have to come and see us - I hope!
My daughter moved to London, married and now has two gorgeous children. House prices being what they are there, we can't afford to move close to them and their house is tiny, so we have to sleep on the sofa when we visit. Even with the 'granny card' on the train, it is expensive to visit and if we drive there is nowhere to park. Their work is quite London specific, but I do dream that they might up sticks and move somewhere affordable so we could live a day to day relationship rather than always having to stay with each other.
I must admit that I would be very tempted to emigrate with them, if I were you! And, if they move again, go with them. You can make a home anywhere!!

Both my daughters live overseas including all my granddaughters, and my son is also considering moving down under and
yes sometimes I am sad at not seeing them grow up but I have had and still having wonderful travels visiting them and when they visit home they stay with me for two or more weeks. FaceTime and Skype is also a super way to keep in touch. Through them I have also become an Instagram and Facebook fan and they post all their news and pictures to me. If you are able book your first visit to see them you then have something to look forward to.

It's very early days. You have only just heard your daughter's and son's plans, so it must have come as a great shock. You will need time to adjust to the idea, and get used to the future isn't going to be as you envisioned it. But you will adjust, and build a different future, maybe with travel to visit, and new horizons. The world is a much smaller place than it used to be. I am sure that all the grieving you do will be in private, and you will not make them feel guilty for doing what they think is the best for them and their young families. Use this forum to vent, and get support.

My daughter has lived in California since 1986, married to an American. My elder son lives in Ukraine (what a worry!), and my younger son lives in Dubai with wife and family. We keep in touch with Skype and Facebook and are used to the situation now. As someone else has said - if you bring them up to be independent, you can't complain when they are! All but daughter home for Christmas (three weeks!) - feast and famine I call it.

I too feel for you and understand your devastation. My youngest son married a NZ girl who had been over here for 17 years. They lived in the middle of London in a tiny flat and with their jobs we didn't see them very often or even talk on the phone. We always knew that at some point DIL would want to go home to her parents and family so as soon as they announced they were having a baby we knew it would only be a matter of time - in fact it was 6 months. We were totally devastated not to have the chance to know this new grandchild (we have 2 GDD's from my eldest son) but at the same time felt it was the right thing for them to be doing - they would have had no support network around them in London and my son would never have contemplated moving back up north so we gave them our blessing. They've been gone over 2 years now and have just had another baby - we were lucky enough to go over to visit a couple of months ago but communication is pretty non existent really. Due to the time difference and my son's worklife we probably manage a Skype call once every few weeks. They don't do FB or FaceTime and I don't even know their landline number although he does send me the odd photo of the boys now and again. Hopefully that will increase as time goes on and the children get older but as we're also both still working full time it's not easy for any of us, my other son moved south 8 years ago so we don't get together very often either. My mother in law told me when I got married that your children are only on loan and it's very true. As long as they are happy and healthy then I am happy for them. I would say that the world is a very small place these days and nowhere (not even NZ) is more than 24-36 hours away - we may not get there as often as we'd like but it's a lot different to those who went off on the ships to OZ and America 100 years ago never to be heard from again!

Get a grip. Your children have their own lives to lead. You should be proud to have raised independent people who are not afraid to go out and follow their dreams. Both of my children live abroad - one in the USA and one in Thailand. We keep in regular touch through Skype and their being abroad is a great excuse for some fantastic foreign hoidays.

"Get a grip" - try for a bit of sympathy please and less of the virtue signalling.