What can I do to get my husband to turn the heating on?

I told him I am going to ask everyone I see if they have got their heating on and explain that John won't have ours on.

You got the measure of him, dolly. He cares about his popularity outside the house, but doesn't care how much harm he causes inside it

You've done incredibly well! You rock A word of caution - assuming he doesn't like losing the whip hand, he may try alternative methods of making you miserable to let you know who's boss. I think your supporters here have been great. Do keep posting if you find things improve in one way while worsening in another.

I hope that doesn't happen, of course. I'm very glad you're not freezing! And very proud of you.

I hope this will bring about a change and with everyone's support dollyjo is able to take control. I do suggest an electric blanket.
If the problem continues I suggest she calls a social worker for support as he seems to take a bit of notice from others and they hopefully will monitor the situation. If all else fails, this is domestic violence so the police could be called.

At least he doesn't come home and put the heating on for himself and I think he truly believes that it is warm enough and is worried about the bills.

riverwalk - that's the magic of GN

Well done! As others have said he is obviously concerned about what others think of him so that is a weapon for you to use in the future. I once worked with a man who was very popular and everyone liked. I then moved to another job and found myself working with his wife. She told me he demanded sex every night, never helped around the house even though she worked full time, would tell her what groceries to buy during her lunch break and then work out how much it should cost - any money left over she was allowed to use to buy her lunch!

I can't believe he is that selfish can u not ask a health visitor for some help and advice he might listen to someone of authority.

Dear Joy Jo have not had time to read all the messages as the sun is shining here and I want to get out into the garden. Unfortunately it is a male thing they do not need heating as much as we do and with you having such poor health you need it even more. i do hope you have your fan fire, do also get some mountain thermal wear, I often wear longjohns from Rohan in the evening. You can also get an electric over blanket which is great - I had one from Lakeland for my mother who lived to be 100, to make sure that when she sat in the conservatory in spring she did not get celled.

I also think you would benefit if you went to Relate and with a counsellor discuss your DH and his control.

One of my relatives decided not to leave her husband but had her solicitor send him a letter about his behaviour. He improved and she has remained with him.

All the very best in this matter.

That's very good advice from EmilyHarburn.

He is NOT a nice man if he treats you badly.

As others have said, I simply would not put up with this nowadays and it isn't too late to leave. Many older people get divorced. My husband was very controlling too, and I didn't fully see it at the time. We were together 30 years. He decided he wanted someone younger and I was devastated. Do you know what ? It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I can have the heating on whenever I want, and also do all the other things I wasn't allowed to do - and I don't have to constantly pander to a selfish man or listen to his abuse, because that's what it is although you may not realise. Refusing to let you have heating and laughing at you is abuse.