Unhappy starting school

Halga they don't start the National Curriculum until Year 1.
Reception should be a link between nursery and formal school - play based not so formal.

OP So sad for the little girl. I taught reception classes of over 30 in state schools, helped by the only TA for the first week. We would have looked out in the first weeks for a reception child alone in the playground, as would the lunchtime supervisors.

Since your DGD only became upset when she had to stay all day I think the problem lies in the lunchtime routines and arrangements. My guess is that she either misses the teacher and/or TA being present or that she isn't used to the food or eating in a big group. She found herself in a big area with more children than her class and could well have felt bewildered and and lonely.

My DGS is in Y1 but has changed schools this term. He came out on his first day happy and with a sticker saying, no, not 'Well Done' or 'I Was Helpful Today' but 'Very Fussy Eater' !! Which he indeed is. After initial shock horror I thought again and realised that this would spare him dinner supervisors cajoling or even demanding that he had foods put on his plate and tried to eat them. In turn this would avoid a potential tantrum! Years ago fussy children might be forced to sit with their unfinished lunch in front of them until the bell and some dinner staff would loom threateningly over them. My friend had a fussy child in her class who was encouraged/bullied to clear his plate which he did. Then he vomited as she called the afternoon register ...

My daughter used to bang on the window and scream "don't leave me" and I used to go home and cry for ages. But it will pass, and if there is one thing bothering the child (such as worrying about things like asking for the toilet or not knowing anyone)then have a little chat with the teacher and sort it out - or the head of school if necessary. I discovered that my daughter was worried about having to drink milk (which was free at the time) and after a few tries, it was agreed she drink water instead.

My DGC started with 2 hours in the morning-then 3 days off (they only took a few at a time). Then they stayed until lunchtime for 3 days then stayed for lunch & then started full time- took about 2 weeks in all. It worked although TBH they were all dying to get to school & had been to play school 3 mornings a week next door so knew all the other children they went with.
Each child is different & needs the attention required. Talk to TA.

My mum reminded me of my reaction on my first day at school.
Apparently I said when she met me out and asked what it was like for me.'Well it was alright but I don't think I will go anymore.'
I can honestly say that school days were not the best days of my life.I can well understand how you must be feeling with your child's comments.Strange but my eldest child hated school my youngest loved it.I hope you get through this as it can be an upsetting time for you as well as your child.

The vagaries of the 'cut off date' meant that DD2 was only 2 years below DD1 at school, although they were 3 years all but a fortnight apart in age. DD2 was the youngest and the smallest child starting school - in fact so small that the specially ordered size 00 blazer was down to her knees so she started school in a home made pinafore and hand knitted cardigan.

She settled in well with her friends from playgroup, did fine at school and eventually moved up to the Comprehensive as the youngest and smallest of the new intake. So far so good. Her problem was that with 10 O grades and 5 Highers by the time she was 16 she could not gain entry to Uni or college and had to remain at school another year, then college for 2 years before she was deemed mature enough to go to UNI (with no grant or fees paid for the first year because she was 'overqualified' i.e. had already acquired an HND. So, her early start meant that her progress was stalled as she was 'too young' leaving school.

DGS started last week - just 4. He went to the nursery attached to the school so is quite comfortable there. The first week he reported, with a lisp, that he 'played and had thnaxths'. This week he reported that he had 'played , had thnaxths, done maths and phonixth'. What do you do in Phonics Hamish? 'We thing'. My how he hath progrethed thith week!
His cousin started last year, again just 4 and just a babe. He has grown up too quickly - very sad

Can anyone explain the rationale for staggering the start dates and starting the oldest children first? Surely it would make more sense for the younger ones to start the first week before the class is too big and then gradually add the older ones who, generally speaking would find it easier to cope?

DS would have been a school year younger if he had not been premature but was ready for school and settled in straight away. A friend of his who was the same age never settled and it would have been better for him to have started a year later.

Home schooling can be very successful but needs to be part of a bigger system of home schoolers. My niece has 4 children, all home schooled. The eldest got the only first in her year at uni and won 3 of the 4 prizes that year. Second is studying medicine, third is about to go to uni to be an engineer but is also a gifted pianist. We wait to see what no 4 will do. They are all great people.

Personally ( this isn't meant as a criticism but something positive to think about) I think your daughter being so upset is what will be causing the problems even if the little one doesn't SEE her upset she will pick up the vibes If the vibes say this is a safe place to be going you are going to be so grown up and love it, as opposed to vibes giving off, oh my word she ll hate it she ll have no friends she ll be unhappy, there would be a huge difference
I would big it all up about her being so grown up and clever and let daddy and the dog take her and maybe mum pick her up Kids will respond to parental positivity or negativity far more than we believe

I was very clingy and tearful when I was left at school by my mum. I was a reserved child and wouldn't approach anyone easily to be friends with, but eventually I learned to settle and made friends. I had a lovely time at primary school and I always looked forward to my mum collecting me after school, it was a wonderful feeling.

I hope this helps. Your GD will settle and she'll be fine.

As a retired primary school reacher and having children and grandchildren of my own I do sympathise with you, I often taught Reception children and a few do have difficulty settling in the first week or so. Everything is so new for them. I would ask your daughter to have a word with the teacher, I'm sure that would help.
In one Reception class, a little boy sometimes fell asleep on the big cushion after lunch. He was an August baby and the youngest in the class. I hadn't the heart to wake him up so he had a little sleep. The little ones find big school so tiring at first.I've peeled quite a few upset children from upset parents and I can assure you that the majority do not continue crying for long.

I'm grateful my dgd has always been fine going into school. She just started yr2. There is a child from her nursery class who still screams about going in! Each kid is different. The school should be approachable & offer support. How is she coming out?

I'm a nursery nurse and I would advise you speak to the teacher and make sure she understands your worries she should be used to this problem and respond accordingly. Talk to her as soon as possible and monitor the situation tell her 'every child matters ' referring to her eyfs guidelines. Good luck x

SusieB - I do feel for you as my DGS was the one clinging to his Daddy (DS) saying 'Don't leave me' on his first day last year when he was 4 and a bit, despite having spent the previous year in reception, mornings only. It was shown on 'My First Day at Big School' this week (Channel 5). As the cameras followed the children during the week, it's clear to see that the ones who were upset at various times during the day did not stay that way for long, and were distracted with whatever activity. A year later, he is so much more grown up - almost a different child! Please don't fret too much - all children take different lengths of time to settle in.

The "he's too young" thing doesnt make sense to me.. It is a cultural thing, no doubt, but it all depends on the country. In Spain and Italy also, I believe, children start compulsory education the year they turn three (we are speaking calendar years so from Jan 1st, the child will start in September of that year) Some children are not yet three when they go into preschool (3-6) and they go to school from nine to twelve and three to five. There are always tears the first few days of school for some but not all children, but they all soon fit in. It is not being more or less mature, it is leaving mummy which is understandably hard for little ones.

I was a TA for 30 years and when the nursery children came into reception we always had tears and screaming from some of the children and I know how you feel my son was terrible when he first started in reception but I can assure you they do settle but talk to the TA like me they are very much there to help the children settle you don't miss much with children I can assure you.

As a family we have had a child who is weepy in each of the last 3 generations at least. That moment of parting from mum or dad is hard for some very young children, others find the playground difficult to deal with. I can't think how much time has been spent discussing why they are like it and what to do, if anything, about it. The buddy system worked well for DGD2 and she is now a buddy herself. They all settle eventually, the children that is not necessarily poor old mum.

When I started school at 5 I use to be sick every lunch time usually over my lunch They put oil cloths on the desk/tables and I can still remember that smell. My Mum then use to bring me home for lunch every day and it was a long walk there and back. What a wonderful Mum.

My DGD started school this last week, she was 4 in April and on her 1st day didn't know any of the other children as they only moved in to the area 6 months ago and DD kept her at her existing pre-school. ON is a childminder and DD was hoping that DGD would go to the same school as all the children ON child minds but couldn't get her in. DGD is very outgoing so making friends isn't an issue. It's probably for the best in the long run as DD is expecting GC no 2 and this school is in walking distance.

As an only child she was really ready for school

There were tears on the 1st day........ from DD not DGD

I feel your pain SusieB50. But please let me try to reassure you it will get better. My DG was just like this. She was VERY attached to her mummy and her nanny (me),still is actually,and her first week of full-time school was a bit of a nightmare for us all. But by the second week,she was settling in. By the end of the third week,she was starting to enjoy it,and by the end of the fourth week,was actually asking to go in at the weekend! So,hopefully,there will be an improvement as the weeks go by.

I can still remember putting my oldest on the school bus. First he cried and had to ripped from me, then he begged not to go, then he made himself sick, then he refused breakfast so I wouldn't send him. None of it worked he went. Then one morning he said nothing, ate breakfast and dutifully got on the bus, oh the relief. Then like other mums I went to were he was sitting to wave and say well done big boy and with quiet tears rolling down his checks he silently mouthed to me "I hate you" then turned his face away. I cannot tell you how much I cried it still hurts 35 years later. The odd thing was I was told he loved school, was easy to teach and was popular. A few years ago I asked him why and he hardly remembered and said 'oh I remember it was the bus I was frightened I'd get off at the wrong stop! I hope your little grandchild settles it's really distressing for all concerned.

Marmight
DGD reported that they had the class teacher in the morning, then they had lunch, then 'This Person' read them a story. They played again, then 'This Person' read them another story. (not the teaching assistant, she knows her name)
Sounds like fun but no idea who 'This Person' is

Thanks for the story about "This Person" Jalima. It made me smile.

Just so you're aware, children don't legally have to be educated until the term following their 5th birthday. So if your daughter wants to bring her home for lunch, for the afternoon, or for full days, she can without the schools say so.