Nervous driver

I dislike night driving & have done for many years due to headlights on other cars either behind or coming towards me - an Optician told me it is because I am "longsighted" in one eye & "shortsighted" in the other, quiet country roads or well lit roads do not present a problem.

I dislike Motorway driving, never liked it when I passed my test at 17 (44 years ago) but do use them when I have to - M6 is my favourite but I have driven it frequently over the years.

I have had to give my Licence up over the years due to Epilepsy but find doing a couple of short journeys with no difficult road junctions I'm fine. I recently got into my car after 10 months not being able to drive (DVLA again - Medical Gounds) & within a minute I felt like I'd been driving day before

I do have a SatNav (also good map) as I am on my own now (widowed) although I do shout at it when it tells me to go where I don't want to

Don't give up driving Ladies - it gives you freedom

I have become a nervous passenger too varian. I dread going in the car BUT have vowed to never avoid the situation.

I'm not sure that avoidance is always the worst strategy when it comes to driving. I think we've got to accept our limits.
I haven't read the whole thread, but someone suggested having an assessment of our driving strengths and weaknesses - good idea.
A car can be a lethal weapon - since I had the accident in March, when TG no-one was hurt, I keep thinking of what could have happened.
Just today someone has suggested meeting up in a town at some distance, which I don't know at all, and I've had to say no, don't want to risk it.

Thanks for all your sharing your experiences and advice. I do have a sat nav but I don't trust it completely. What I hate the most are those big roundabouts were the lanes sort of 'merge' I just can't get the hang of them. I'm programmed to suffer from a little nervous anxiety and it seems to get worse as I get older. It doesn't stop me driving but I just hate the feeling.

I like driving when I know where I'm going. I've just moved to a completely new area and am starting a new part time job in January I have had to find my way not only around my current area but also the neighbouring county for my new job. It has been really scary, due to other issues in the last few years which I won't go into, I am more anxious than I've been in the past. The interview and meetings I've had to go to in preparation for my job has made me really anxious but I have programmed the sat nav and made myself do it and it is getting better. Keep going I know as a therapist avoidance is the worst strategy and you have to do things regularly to help you the most but I do understand how you feel. I agree a sat nav would help a lot . Good luck

But useless for all immediately local journeys like weekly shopping, and providing, of course you have an accessible station, are willing to stand for the whole journey and can get from destination station to destination location, and in this area can find anywhere to park at the station and can afford the car park ticket.

I have a rail card and live 4 miles from a 'Parkway' station, but it costs a minimum of £6.00 to park the car, if I can find a space that doesn't require a 20 minute walk to reach the station. parking can cost more than the rail fare for several local destination and if I am going to most destinations the chances of getting a seat are minimal, unless, of course, I plan and book well in advance, which rules out any occasional chance journeys.

I used to love train travel but I have more or less given up on it, except for holidays because it has become such a complicated and difficult and expensive mode of travel even with a Senior Cotizen Railcard.

You can get a senior rail card from 60. It's great!

I am not a nervous driver, but I drive cautiously, at reasonable speed,. Even so I quite often seem to end up with tailgaters. I dislike night driving as some drivers don't dip their headlights.

In the last year or so I've actually become a nervous passenger, irrespective of who is driving. Is this an old lady thing?

Re the jumping red lights. A few weeks ago I got through to Essex traffic police ( not easy) because of this problem on a busy junction on the A127. It's quiet normal on this junction for 4 cars to come through when your light is green. She said that the lights must be out of sequence, no its bloody dangerous drivers. Nothing has changed.
I'm thinking now of going to our local paper.

Thanks M0nica for your advice only today reading it.
You are absolutely right I do need to get back to where I was and today I will.
I have got a different make of car after a lot of searching decided on a Volvo so they are very strong cars so I'm going out and will enjoy my drive this lovely sunny afternoon
Thank you again

I find it scary too, just go to work and local shops, I never used to be like this either.

Mary59nana. You need to get back into your car everyday and drive somewhere, anywhere, it doesn't matter where. Go on all kinds or roads including motorways.

5 years ago DD was badly injured in a road accident, not her fault, and she has been left with a permanent, but fortunately not crippling, disability. As soon as she could she got a replacement car and got in it and drove, and kept driving. Initially she was very nervous. I refused to drive when she was in the car, she would be sitting beside me, gasping for breath and making little squeaks if I came within 50 yards of another vehicle. I would insist she drove me.

5 years on she is again a confident driver and will sit beside me when I drive without a sound or in-drawn breath. That is because she gritted her teeth and despite her nervousness kept driving.

The AA and other places run courses for nervous drivers, regardless of cause, to help you regain confidence and start driving confidently again. Don't let some stupid drunk driver restrict your life forever.

Like most of us who live in the country being able to drive a car without anxiety is very important. I find a sat nave is very helpful. However, last night I was going to an event at a village cricket club I had not been to before. I looked it up on google and put it in my sat nav. As I left the village the mist/fog got worse. At least with the sat nav I could tell when the road would turn and when I would meet another road etc. However I decided to turn round before arriving as I felt if it got worse i would not be able to drive back home again and also I might drive past the cricket club and not find it as it was in the middle of a field. I also felt its parking might not be lit. I had taken a small torch to walk to the club.

In programming the sat nave for my return home I made a mistake. I programmed the sat nave for home. It took me through country lanes by passing the village. I should have set it for the village (town center) and then for home.

Coming back from work in the dusk yesterday, (I usually leave earlier) I noticed driving through a village on my country route that avoids main roads, that they have new street lights fitted which have a white light instead of yellow, and only shine straight down making a patch of light about 3' by 18" at the edge of the road that looks exactly like frost.

Having read through this topic, I have become aware that DH is beginning to take over the driving. It's almost a default position, him in the driving seat and me the passenger. So much so that my younger grandson was astonished to see me behind the wheel the other day. "You can't drive, Nana!" says he. "Yes I can" I answered firmly but he still looked doubtful. Maybe I need to grab the keys a bit more often before we leave the house! We certainly need to have a discussion about this!!

I was a very confident happy to drive anywhere driver. Needed to drive for my work as a adult support worker (carer) until a women drunk driver 3xover the limit ) drove into me while I was parked up and damage the car it was declared a right off ... I have replaced my car but feel so nervous to go out driving its affected my life ...... although I walked away from the accident I thank god for that.

Even very experienced drivers are apprehensive with unfamiliar routes. My other half always asks me to look out for road signs, and where to turn etc when we're going somewhere new. So it's normal to feel the way you do - but try not to let it overwhelm you. As others have said, get a good satnav, as well as a road atlas, and an A-Z for local, and set yourself some goals to build your confidence.Good luck!

I used to have an old Corsa but when driving to my daughter's (about an hour M4/M25) I started to feel a bit nervous, especially with the huge lorries thundering past and the aggressive way some people drive. Upgraded to a VW Polo & now feel safer, more confident & enjoy driving again. I always try to do part of long journeys with DH in his car and now I actually feel I'm a much better driver. A friend once said that as you age you should try to go 'outside your comfort zone' which has been good advice as you find the more you do the more confident you feel. My advice would be, try it - start with baby steps.

We can afford to run two cars and still need two as we are both involved in different activities and DH still works on an intermittent basis and so far I have felt no loss of confidence in my driving

Between 2000 and 2014 I was responsible for elderly relatives in care, one, 150 miles away, the other 100 miles away, so I was driving long distances on motorways on a weekly basis. Since the last one died in 2014 most of my driving has been local but DS and family lives 200 miles away and DH and I share driving there and back. DH is completely relaxed with my driving and often falls asleep when he is the passenger. He also isn't bothered about me driving 'his' car. We have a holiday home in France and both of us drive on all kinds of roads there.

The one thing I find more difficult is night driving, this has improved a lot since I had my cataracts done and my driving glasses now have an anti-glare coating which also helps. I am fine on familiar roads and motorways or dual carriage ways, but I do find it takes my eyes about 10 minutes to adjust as I go from a well lit building to night time conditions and I prefer not to drive on unknown unlit rural roads at night, but if I have to, I do

lesleyberry difficult I know but you cannot change other peoples behaviour you can only learn to deal with it without stressing about it. If it makes you seriously anxious then maybe driving on todays roads isn't for you. Sorry if that sound harsh but being an anxious driver is dangerous in its own right.

I used to drive in a city then moved to a village, now back to another city edge , I thought I would be nervous but took it slowly to go further afield. I haven't got into centre yet and don't know if I will, but have used excellent bus service to familiarise route so I could if had to.been driving 48 yrs DH not well enough now, he was always supportive. A young woman ran into side of us recently, out of a side road. I thought it may unnerve me but I'm ok. I too find Street View on Google invaluable to check what junctions look like 12 inches to the foot.
My SIster I Law learned to drive about same time as I did but her H was always worried about 'his' car,bit of a bully, I couldn't understand why she didn't get a run-about as she was working , however she stopped driving. 5 yrs ago her H had a bad stroke and she hasn't confidence to start again. So it's taxis everywhere. It would be cruel to smile to oneself of course.

I tend to suffer really bad anxiety on the roads due to the aggressive nature of other drivers mostly.

Its astounding how many people are losing their driving confidence, is it an 'age' thing and something we ultimately can't avoid? I really hope not as others have said I can't imagine a time when I am scared to drive. I think its a mistake to give up owning a car when retiring and have one between two because it seems that the default position in those circumstances is one drives and the other eventually gives it up, of course if its for financial reasons then it can't avoided but if there is any way you can try to keep your own wheels.
It must be very wearing to have to 'steel' yourself every time you get in the car I can understand why people do give up.
If taking a few lessons might help your confidence then please do it, its such a shame to lose your independence.

I can't,not until I draw my state pension, I have asked. I'm in Nottinghamshire

I certainly suggest getting a sat nav, it has helped me.I would also suggest making sure you have a charged up mobile and breakdown cover.
My confidence isn't what it was and I do think the roads have got busier,but I try to drive between school drop off and pick up times and avoid 4 pm until 6 pm if I can.
I know it isn't always possible. If I do take a wrong turn I remember it's not the end of the world, and just turn round when I can. When I'm stressed and dithery I'll pull over and talk myself out of it!
Keep going, you know you want to!