Treading carefully

Just be there.As difficult as it may seem and no matter how well meaning, (stepping in) could be seen as interference.
As long as your grandchild is happy and not showing any changes in behaviour let things be.

I have recently noticed my daughters clothes were smelling foosty and mentioned it. It didn't go down well! Turns out the seal of the washing machine needs replacing and she has damp in her flat ?.
Sounds like the relationship could be easily damaged irreparably if you rock the boat. Just enjoy your gd and steer clear of upsetting the apple cart.

Don't say anything drying clothes in winter can be a problem I have sometimes had to rewash things because of musty smell if I have left clothes to dry on drier . I had a neighbour once who didn't do much housework had piles of clothes everywhere but children were always clean and happy just different standards

I agree about the possibility of hording and concerns about a child being smelly at school. Equally, she could be depressed and just managing to do the essentials, leaving everything else until 'tomorrow'. I'd suggest ignoring the problem and working on becoming closer to your GD's mother. It may be that she is struggling with something emotionally. If you and she could become close, you may be able to offer her help and support and she may appreciate that.

I wouldn't say anything and I would do as Welshwife suggests re the clothes.

As long as the child is happy and well fed I think that is what matters most. You need to maintain a good relationship with her mother.

although if there is mould in the flat then that could be a cause for concern as it can lead to asthma or other chest problems.

I do t know why people seem to think she 'must' be depressed or suffering from some condition or other that 'needs help'. Although I agree this may be a possibility.

Some people are simply infinitely more fussy about cleaning and tidying than others, and from experience these people tend to think that anything less than their own standards is abnormal and needs sorting out.
Unless there are actual health hazards I would leave well alone. It is extremely offensive to have a fussier person tell you, or hint, that (whether in so many words or not) you are a bit of a slut.

To my shame, I've only just learned why my washing machine has a 'self'clean' programme! Living in Orkney and with no tumble dryer I find that drying clothes in winter is a nightmare. There often is damp clothing hanging about in the house so it was a wee while before I realised it was build up of bacteria in the machine that was making the clothes smell because of the low temperatures we are now advised to use. There are instructions online about using bicarb and vinegar in the self cleaning process.

I think the advice given on this thread is excellent. The relationship you have built with your granddaughter and her mother is too precious to jeopardise unless the mother raises the issue herself or you notice other issues that concern you.

Lovely posts today..all very positive to a nice nana and a DiL who appears to be struggling with issues for whatever reason but both loving and caring for their adored little one
Happy 2017 to Nanas, Grandmas and, in my case, Nannees everywhere xxx

I agree that keeping a cordial relationship is extremely important and it's probably better to say nothing if your GD is happy and healthy. You don't want to jeopardise the time you get with your GD at the moment and the opportunity to make sure she is well looked after while she is with you (and I'm not suggesting her mum isn't looking after her). Would it be feasible to suggest to her mother something like the three of you going together for lunch and then shopping as you would like to buy your GD a dress for her birthday/special occasion but want to make sure it's something she(as a mum) considers suitable as well as she would know best? It might offer the chance to see more of her flat, offer support without seeming judgmental, get closer to her and either be reassured all is well or be better placed to offer help if it's needed. Good luck.

The relationship is precious...say nothing.

I am a little concerned that the child's father your son is not contributing to this discussion.in fact you have excused him by saying you don't think he can help. I think you must give him a chance to at least be aware of your concerns. Does he have concerns about the flat? Would he be able to find out if his daughter is unhappy with the conditions. How is her bedroom. Is she having problems at school because she smells? Does she have friends to play. He as the father can ask her teacher how his daughter is doing at school and does she need any help in any way.

In the end the problem is are the conditions so bad that they are harming the child or is it just a case of messiness and untidy. With small living space it is often difficult to find a place for everything and as a single mother maybe maintaining the flat is difficult. If she is working maybe housework is not her first priority. Also many happy families live in untidy homes

I fully agree with everyone don't rock the boat, especially if the child is not coming to any harm. I also think she can have clothes at your home and wash any clothes she comes in before she goes back. Fun bath, wash her hair and she is set for the week. If I remember rightly some of us older grans only had a bath once a week.

Sorry I've not been on. 'Flu/cold' hit me badly yesterday.
Thank you all for your advice, she does have different clothes to wear here and some tend to go to and from both homes. Tessa101, I have thought about it and have decided to leave things a they are and like you say wait for an opening to hopefully arise at some point.
I have never been over houseproud, as long as my place was clean and started off reasonably tidy I didn't mind if it was 'lived in', I don't want to appear judgemental.
Trisha - yes that is exactly the smell, sort of damp clothes, I will have a think on buying a 2nd hand tumble dryer if I can find a tactful way of doing it.
Emilyharburn -Mother works part time (as a cleaner) and lives in a 1st floor flat.
On the whole my GD is a happy well adjusted kind little girl, so I will just keep an eye on things.
Thank you all so much for the back up and advice you have all offered. xx

Wonderful how discussing on gransnet helps us sort out the right answers for us. I posted about my anxiety attacks over Christmas and within 2 hours I saw it differently and maybe how I could cope.

Busyb hope you are feeling better, I am another victim of this cold bug and I am staying home and keeping warm. Your last post was lovely and It was good to see your update.

I am with everyone else in thinking that you must be doing something right, to have built up a good relationship with your DiL from a frosty start.
Just keep doing as you have been doing, and only give help if it is wanted.
Best wishes for 2017.

Great advice here, just say nothing and enjoy the access to your grandchild.

Tickety-boo, be quiet.

On the fusty smelling clothes, this is usually caused by clothes not being dried quickly enough, which can be an issue in a flat with no outdoor drying space and no tumble dryer.

You might be able to raise the issue of difficulty drying clothes without even mentioning the fusty smell. If she hasnt got room for a tumble dryer an electric clothes airer could help. Would it be an option to buy her one?

mair I bought an electric clothes drier (John Lewis but second hand) and it was pretty useless tbh . It just seemed to dry the bits in contact with the heated bars unless it was very small items like socks and underwear. I wouldn`t waste money on one x

Re electric clothes dryers/airer, Lakeland do a very good one. I bought one for dds several yrs ago when et were in a house with no means of drying anything. They found it fantastic. At least 5 years on and after 2 babies in 15 months, dd1 uses it all the time.
It can fold away completely or take up only a very small footprint.

Alternatively, I gather that a dehumidifier is a great help for drying clothes indoors, and of course removes the damp, too.

DD has no tumble drier and uses electric airer a lot. Thats Lakeland too. She's pretty pleased with it.

I think as mess is quite subjective, it can be useful to look at the fire service/ social services clutter rating images (there is a kitchen one and a bedroom one - available on google images)

What matters in terms of children is whether the clutter is a health/fire risk, as it is in the latter images

In the former images, it may be unsightly to some, but the clutter isn't actually causing "risk"

hoardinguk.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Clutter-Image-Rating-Bedroom-1.jpg

hoardinguk.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Clutter-Image-Rating-Kitchen.jpg

What number would you say the flat is at using these image ratings?

Towards the end of term after picking the GSs up I had to take them to their own house instead of mine for reasons I now forget. I have a key.

As I walked in the smell of wet dog hit me and I blurted out to GS1 (10) 'Oh your house smells' . He was very indignant (and to be fair DD is usually a good housekeeper).

Sure enough that night I get a phone call from DD very upset and asked what it smelled of. Grassed up by GS1!

they tell Mum everything!

lots of good advice here, a tumble drier would be a very good idea.