Adult Sons, any good experiences?

Thanks for all your lovely replies, it's been really helpful for me to read them through. I think the thing is a small part of me would have liked to have a daughter as well as sons so perhaps that's why these negative comments make me feel so sad.

However I do feel very lucky to have my two sweet boys and will continue to enjoy them. for you all!

I Love my son. He has always been and I hope always will be my rock and one of my best friends. He has a super partner who I also love dearly, so instead of losing a son I've gained another daughter and a beautiful 4 year old granddaughter to boot.

I hope you have as much love and fun with your sons as I have had with mine, lucky you, double the joy x

When my DH was taken gravely ill on La Palma (one of the smaller Canary Isles) (I was told he was dying) my two sons, 48 and 50, dropped everything to reach me, by train, car and 3 planes, and then hired a car to be with me in 24 hours. I was so relieved to see them, especially as very little English was spoken on La Palma. They visited the ICU with me and stayed till he was out of danger. Fortunately he eventually made a complete recovery but no daughters could have done more, leaving both jobs and families to help when I needed it most.

My lovely 33 year old son is still at home - he's Aspergers, but we're really proud of him because he's loving, caring, hard-working 1 in a million. We want him to become more independent of us, and desperately want him to fly the nest - I feel so sorry for those sad "mother's boys" who are still at home in their 40s.

A mixed bag, but on the whole good, there have been some experiences I could have happily foregone, but then that would apply to whatever the sex of one's offspring in certain instances. Quite a small upside, my sons never criticised my appearance on the contrary were always flattering, I have known mothers of girls who say that daughters have been quite harsh in that respect but I wouldn't want to generalise. I think I had my sons (late 20s and early 30s) at a time when here in the west the tide had turned against boys being the favoured sex and it seriously pissed me off at times when some people had the temerity to suggest that somehow having only sons must be a disappointment. Also, and my sons agree with me on this, education here in the UK is not always geared up for boys, possibly the way it precluded girls once and still does in some cultures. Both my sons bemoaned the serious lack of male teachers during their school years and both have said there was a bias towards the girls by some of the female teachers, who frankly made it plain that they didn't enjoy teaching boys. Of course, I would stress they had some excellent female teachers during their school years. However, I think boys benefit from male teachers during adolescence and teens, but unfortunately, as we know,there is a shortage of male teachers.

I don't worry too much about the mother in law aspect, I get on with both my sons current and hopefully long term partners, especially in the case of one of them as they've bought a hosue together. Cardinal rule should be don't interfere and keep opinions to yourself. Biscuitlover continue to enjoy your boys 2 and 4 are lovely ages and I'm sure they will turn out to be very loving sons.

My sons are great. They're now 31, 28 and 26 but they're always there if I need them.

I have a DD and 2 DS, daughter calls most days,Boys call when they need me. Would i want 2 DD and 1 DS instead ? no thanks, boys are easier

MY two adult sons not married and both live at home but are both caring and considerate to both me and DH.

I was reminded of this thread when I bought a birthday card for one of my very dear daughters-in-law it reads front cover: Happy Birthday to a lovely daughter-in-law, the woman who knows our son better than anyone.
Inside it reads: No you can't give him back!

Biscuitlover, you are indeed blessed to have two lovely little boys and a good relationship with your own MiL. I predict that in due course, you will also be a supportive and understanding MiL yourself.

Do not worry about the future but enjoy your sons now and show them love and encouragement. Yes, much of your later relatlionship will depend on the partner they choose, but this should not dismay you now.

My only son is less demonstrably affectionate than his three sisters( or his wife), despite the fact that he was very affectionate as a child. People develop as their personality dictates. But he is no less loving, in his way, than his sisters.

Be happy, have fun and enjoy your sons. The rest takes care of itself!

I had 3 sons before my daughter was borm, followed by a 4th sonl I used to get so anoyed when people said how sorry they were that no.3 was another son and felt like putting a notice on the pram saying " It's a boy and we're delighted. " They now have families of their own but are still caring and supportive, as are their wives.

If anyone could be forgiven for feeling a bit sorry for herself it is my daughter. Her eldest son is at uni and has just spent a year in Japan. He has a lovely Japanese girlfriiend and it is quite clear that they intend to get married and live in Japan. My DD and SIL went over to Tokyo to meet her and her family last year and she spent Christmas here. They think the world of her and are simply pleased that their son is so happy.

I have 3 lovely adult sons. The eldest has a partner with a beautiful son. I see them a lot and the partner I treat as a daughter. My lovely daughter in law contacts a lot has a beautiful little boy too and see all of them. One son has a lovely male partner. Love them all and see them a lot - am very lucky. ?

ps forgot to add, eldest son is very generous and has helped us out financially occasionally. He's also helped his brother and one of the girls.

Like most of the previous posters, they're all different.
Our 2 sons, now in their 50s, live far away. I'm not sure how they got this wanderlust, maybe because they spent their early childhood in Singapore. They keep in touch, but forget birthdays etc, whereas the 2 girls haven't moved far from 'home'.Eldest girl has the most conact with us ( we live in France.)
I do worry though about us starting to need more help as we get older as we're so far from all of them. Just hoping we 'go' quickly!

P.S. I ended up with three grand-daughters anyway, which is another blessing.

I was said that mantra on my wedding day off my mother in law who now needs me more than ever in her 90's but I have three sons and it's only the youngest that really shows concern as the other two have partners and he is still single. It you work at relationships and I do have three entirely different relationships with my sons but I live in hope!!!

Mair...At the moment, "cared for" means things like changing lightbulbs we can't reach, popping round milk when I run out, and anything to do with computers!

Wow, I didn't expect to get so many responses! Thank you to everyone who has responded, it's certainly helped offer me a different perspective on things.

Who knows what will happen in the future but for now I'm determined to try and enjoy the present with my boys and what will be will be

Dont you believe this saying.............I have one of each - both married with their own children and living relatively close by. My daughter - who lives the closest to us - tends to keep me at "arm's length" from really meaningful mother/daughter emotional stuff. I think she struggles with the kind of relationship I wish we had, because she is a health care professional and I believe she has had to become "desensitized" from some of her personal emotions because she works very closely with heart attack and stroke patients (most of whom are elderly like me) and therefore she has learned to mask her emotions.....perhaps she fears if she didnt then it would make her appear "unprofessional". And that has affected our ability to build a grown up close mother and daughter relationship.

Our son on the other hand is very loving, extremely open and forthcoming with his feelings towards me - he checks in on us regularly and reaches out to me for advice when he comes up against problems or wants to talk things over that may be worrying him. Both our DS and DD were raised exactly the same way, but now they are all grown up and in their forties my son is the one who I tend to turn to first - knowing that whenever I feel the need to share stuff with someone close, I share it with him because I know he will listen and the conversation will be comfortable and non-judgemental.

What we think about we go towards. So always think about how good your MIL has been and you will be the same. Never ever say or think again about that silly chant your mother told you or you will drive your sons away as that is what you expect to happen. Daughters can be big problems and they often don't get on with their Mums so I suggest your mother is a bit more supportive of you or she won't have you for life.

The relationship with daughters has to change gradually from carer to cared for...

<shudders>
Hope it never comes to that!

I've always felt that in some ways the mil/dil relationship has advantages, because you meet as adults, and don't have to adjust from being parent and child. I always had a more relaxed relationship with my mil than my mother, who still tried to tell me what to do when I was in my 50s!
The relationship with daughters has to change gradually from carer to cared for...with a dil, it's equal from the start.

Mair your DD is right I think. My former DH was an only child and his DM my MiL and I got on so well.

She passed away 12 years ago but I still miss her. I remind her DS of the date!

She was a wonderful DG to my DS as well.

I have a daughter and son, both married. I love my daughter-in-law to bits. I have totally adapted to being No. 2 in my son's life, tried never to give advice unless asked and have a very good relationship with my son. If you 'let them go' they will appreciate it, relationships are what you make of them.

I have two sons, when my second son was born a friend commented that I must have wanted a boy! Never! My first child I said to everyone I wanted a boy which I know was wronge. The second I was happy either way. 10 years later I decided I wanted another child I again would have been delighted if I had had a boy but hey I had a girl, again the same friend said I must have been happy I had a girl and would not believe me when I said I would have been happy with either.