Discussing internet issues with grandchildren

Brilliant wise words Hurdy Gurdy! Thanks. I'm taking them with me to be ready in case....

Not naming your GC on Facebook is very wise. I do not put their photos there either. So far my GSons have not talked about intimate matters with me, but it would be no problem. I would tell their parents they had asked/spoken about it, and I would ask the boys to talk to mum and dad. As a previous teacher who taught all this to 10 and 11 year olds, I'm lucky to have a bit of a head start. Never under-estimate the high emotions that go with relationships and the worry about what others think of me at this age. I always tell boys about periods, in a separate group from the girls, but tell the girls in their separate group that I will be teaching the boys this. I emphasise to the boys that for the girls the onset isn't much fun usually, and not to tease or not embarrass them with questions but to be kind and remember it might give them tummy ache or headaches even. I found the boys to be amazingly kind and compassionate about this.

Thanks for the voice of experience comments HurdyGurdy. Australian ABC news (our BBC) had a report just a few days ago about the legal minefield being created by minors involved with "sexting" and where it intersects with legislation relating to pornography and child exploitation. (Sexting is exchanging intimate photos with girlfriends, boyfriends or others.)

The report also emphasized the importance of minors understanding the total loss of control of an image once it is posted online or sent to a friend. I would guess that similar issues are being encountered in the UK legal system and schools. The report referred to an app called Out of Bounds developed by the Law Society and also urges the awareness and involvement of parents and other carers (grans) in educating and protecting our young ones.

The link is:
www.abc.net.au/news/2017-11-18/why-sexting-is-creating-a-legal-minefield-in-our-courts/9162826

That's really shocking, and so disappointing.. I'm at a loss for what to say. Except TEN!?

I think three vitally important message that children of all ages need to have drummed into them, despite their own feelings of infallibility are

The internet (and social media) NEVER FORGETS
and
The internet (and social media) IS FOREVER
and
The second you have shared an image, you have totally lost control of it.

I work in Children's Services, and every single day, we get at least one referral relating to inappropriate images that have been shared. It is heartbreaking to feel that this is how our children feel they have to behave. These are not even children who are being groomed. They are between peers. Children as young as 10. TEN!

It is also maybe worth pointing out, that sharing intimate photographs with friends is the same as distributing child pornography.

What a horrible world we live in when children are encouraged to take photos of their personal bits and pieces and then put them online. It's great that you feel confident enough to tackle this. I'm so glad I'm not young - I rather feel I'd have been daft enough and too trusting and would have fallen into this trap.

Exactly what Schnackie said!

Bluegal.
Totally agree with you
To be able to discuss any issues with your Gc', and what can be more serious than the issues of filth that appears on certain internet sites, is down to the trust and confidence they have in you.

Marydoll thank you for the links. I will definitely be discussing with dgd (6 going on 7)
Internet safety is the responsibility of everybody who has a young person in their lives. A good friend of mines dd (13) fell foul of a young man & unfortunately sent pictures. It was really out of character for her. It doesn't take long before they're being shown around the school. That's how my friend found out, another pupil told a teacher.
There are sooo many instances of grooming that are actually vigilante stings at the moment, proving that our young people are NOT keeping themselves safe enough. Whether that's because they are not being taught in schools or parents/guardians are not monitoring what's going on with their devices, goodness knows? It really worries me. The police and the many sting organisations (who I wholeheartedly agree with & think do an amazing job in the absence of police funding) are only touching the tip of the iceberg I'm afraid. The internet is a wonderful invention but is also terrifying in equal measures

Great topic and thanks Apricity for posting and how great that you have this relationship with your grandsons. I'm also glad to hear that resources are being developed and used to help children learn about this. (The hamster story sounds brilliant!) Thanks to everyone who posted resources. I agree that children ask important questions at very random times and whoever is present needs to be able to give the best answer.

Thanks NanaandGrampy for the helpful tips. All done.

What a sensible grandma you are. How lucky your grandsons are to be able to discuss this with you.

I am visiting a mildly learning disabled adult aged 42 in prison for posting his 'dick' to a police officer posing as an underage female.

His family are distraught. He is not a reader, he had no father in his family, he was bullied at school etc. Before the internet he would have been buying a magazine from the top shelf for its center fold. I won't go on. Just it is so necessary that youngsters understand that the internet is never anonymous and however intriguing it is don't send pics. The final result can be prison and being on the sex offenders register.

Apricity and others on this stream - we all have to sing from the same hymn sheet and as older people of the generation that felt the outcomes of the Jimmy Saville's of this world, we have a lot to offer with hindsight - so yes, we need to work with teachers and our own children to ensure that from a really early age our grandchildren know how to protect themselves. Just a pity there are so many reality shows out there that put tiny tots in the public eye. Does anyone agree with me that beauty pageants for little ones should be banned?

An important aspect is GC feeling able to discuss ‘inappropriate material’ with you. The young people who get drawn into risky behaviour are often the ones who are unable or unwilling to talk with trusted adults.
Whether it’s a dodgy online contact or school bullying a young person needs someone they can turn to for support.

My 3 have all had long chats with their children re internet safety, and have parental control on all devices, check usage etc it used to just be stranger danger we had to chat to them about, now we have this as well, it is so worrying, but open discussion with them is vital.

Humbertbear - sounds like a great book, do you have the title?

Thank you so much for these very helpful links, Marydoll. My grandchildren are aged between 3 and 6 so still young and not allowed online yet unless under supervision and for educational purposes. However, it won't be long before they need access for homework etc. I have sent the links to my children and suggested they use the website and will do the same myself when they are here for childcare.

I had this conversation with my son when he was 9, he assured me that he knew all the pitfalls. He also showed me his 'profile' which said he was called 'Mr Duvall' and had a 'Porsh'............just as everything else in life, we have to teach them everything is not what it seems.

Bravo!

I was responsible for internet safety in my school and used these videos when delivering lessons to 5-7 year olds.
www.thinkuknow.co.uk/5_7/leeandkim/
www.thinkuknow.co.uk/5_7/hectorsworld/
The children loved watching them, but they did get the message across. Of course you have to discuss them , not just watch.

There is also material for older children. Just Google CEOP.

Just message GNHQ Apricity and they will happily move it for you , it will certainly get more traffic in something like chat or technology.

My grand daughter had a brilliant book from the school library which was about hamsters (or gerbils)being groomed on the Internet and going off to meet their new ‘friend’ who turned out to be a fox who was selling them to a restaurant. She was only 7 but it got the message across loud and clear.

Wasn't sure which Forum was the most appropriate so put it here. It's the first time I have initiated a a thread. Also wasn't sure if or how to move it! Still a beginner here.
Absolutely agree MOnica that it's an issue that needs to be reinforced from many sides, parents, grans and other family members and school.

I’ve responded to questions ours have asked, always report both question and discussion to their parents. I think there’s something about catching these things as the young people raise them in a gentle and straightforward way.

Dangers of the Internet are also discussed in school nowadays, but it doesn't hurt to reinforce the message. We are all vulnerable. I never post the name of my G.C. on Facebook.