Son in law’s parents.

Bibbity
Wow!
That's a bit strong.
No need for that kind of language.

At the end of the day, people in life are somewhere on a scale from absolutely delightful to straight from hell. They do not change because they become parents in law. Mothers of sons and daughters are each as various as the rest of the population, no generalisations can be made

The moral is for every couple to vet each others parents before they move in together, or get married and break-up if the PiL look like trouble.

I'd be very careful at believing everything that you're told has supposedly been said or done. There are two sets of Grandparents and they should be treated, as far as possible, as equals. I doubt very much that any of them would say "she's always breast feeding" etc etc. Just sounds plain spiteful on your behalf tbh and think you should leave it to the new parents to sort out. If the shoe was on the other foot you'd want to be involved. Don't be nasty or exclude the paternal side of the family and unless you hear it yourself take it with a pinch of salt.

I agree with you Dontaskme. Too many nasty gossiping people about. Should be careful what you believe is truthful or not?

Dontaskme. Lying isn’t one of my traits. I can assure you the breastfeeding comment was said by the MIL. She was on the phone to her DS and it was him who told me. I’m ot in any competition with my DD’s MIL. The point of my post was to get views from other Grandparents. My SIL is s lovely boy and I’m very grateful that he and I get on well. I would have liked his DM to have got on better with my DD. I’m sure there are two sides to this story but I’m only able to state mine. My DD has been through hell since the birth of her child. I just wish her DH’s parents had been more considerate and this situation wouldn’t have got so out of hand.

Radicalnan. The point of the giant balloon was the insensitive nature to come bounding into intensive care with a balloon of any sort never mind one about 3ft high. The timing was wrong. And they were aware of how grace the situation was as I spoke to them regularly myself throughout her Labour. As I said I’m a mother in law myself and I’m aghast at her behaviour. I actually asked my DIL if I had ever upset her over the last 7 years!

Gosh family conflict and different perspectives are so difficult. I have 3 DD and 3 sets of SIL I get on well with all 3 (I make it my business to do so) at the end of the day all GP are there to love the DGC and should have their best interests at heart. My SIL families often have different values to my own but we respect the differences. Youngest DD has a partner whose parents are Tory supporters for example while I am an outright leftie, we can still be pleasant and respectful of each other ?

Yearoff no, I didn't say you were lying, I said that unless you actually hear it yourself take it with a pinch of salt. As you have just re-confirmed above you personally did not hear the comment - "she was on the phone to her DS and it was him who told me". I am a GP. I have a Son who has children and so have experience of being the paternal side. All I am saying is if you hear it, fair enough, if not then its still he said she said. There re two sets of GP's whether you like it or not and I think you may be too involved in what goes on in the new parents lives. If they have an issue with anyone that's for them to sort out, not you. You stake your claim so clearly in your last line...."My DD has been through hell since the birth of HER child".

Yearoff you say you spoke to dil parents how the labour was going. I think your sil should have kept his own parents informed. I think maybe you have got too involved in how the other grandparents are informed about the grandchild. I know it’s your daughter and you were worried about her at the time but I do feel from you a dislike of the other grandparents. At least they bothered to go to the hospital as there’s lots of people without any family support out there and would love it if someone made a fuss about them and brought them a gift. Try and look at the positives in the situation and ignore the rest. I hope your daughter better now. Good luck

Yearoff what a shame this has happened, when you should all be enjoying the birth of this precious baby instead you have all the agro. I pleased that your SIL is being firm and I do hope everything goes well.

Dontaskme. I don’t have a claim that I’m stating. It was a figure of speech. My DD’s husband was in pieces after the birth of THEIR baby. Also I gave them as much space as they both wanted when my DD got home from hospital. I also can’t see what my SIL would have to gain by making up stories about his mother. But, hey, I did ask for opinions and each one is valid.

Really sad story. Thank goodness SiL is one to be a good husband and father.

I have a son and a daughter, and am very lucky to have a wonderful DiL. She has a lovely mum, she and I meet up together whenever we can. All we care about is making life as easy as possible for the family of 3 who are so important to us.

Yearoff iam sure you feel unhappy about certain things that have happened but I still think and I hope others do as well that in the end it’s the children that get hurt in the end listening to negative talk from parents, grandparents about other close family members. It’s their little hearts iam only interested in not the adults. When will society learn that children are hurt and damaged by the adults around them always arguing , moaning or fighting. Thank God my mum God rest her soul never made me feel like I had to choose between people who I loved when I was a child

Year off, you are rowing with several people who you asked for independant opinions to help you.

I feel your pain, but I also feel for you family, I haven't met you and feel as if you want to fight!!!

Other people do have different points of view, you have to live with that and stop upping the ante........let go or be dragged, everything does not revolve around you. The balloon was just their happiness on display, ill timed maybe but they are every bit as entitled to be happy and relieved as you are.

I am not a betting woman but I suspect you will be back on here within 5 years, asking us all why it is nobody talks to you and you don't see the GC. Tread softly.

Some people are impossible. Being the voice of reason and holding ones tongue is hard but worth it in the longe run. I would put up with anything for the sake of my sons.

Yearoff I don’t think your sil should slag off his parents to you either and it would be best that you don’t allow him to do that. He should sort out his own problems with his parents without dragging you into it. Imagine how you would feel if you found out your daughter slagged you off to sil parents. Think only of how the children would feel only put yourself in their shoes.

Radicalnan. I’m not fighting with anyone. Just clarifying my post. I doubt very much if I’ll be on here in 5 years asking why no one is speaking to me and that I don’t see my GC. You look like you want a fight as that wasn’t a nice thing to say to anyone and you’re right you don’t know me. I did ask for opinions and I got them. I didn’t ask for personal attacks on me. Fortunately your opinion is one I’m going to dismiss! Sorry if you are offended. I’ve found the responses to my post very useful.

Yearoff, I'm so sorry yourDD and SiL have had such a medically and emotionally difficult start to their baby's life. I think some people have been quite harsh in their replies. Of course there are two sides to everything but the in laws sound as if they have always been very difficult and controlling. Sepsis is life threatening and your DDs safety and health was paramount. You have behaved impeccably in very difficult times. The in laws have behaved despicable. They are unlikely to improve with time and have consistently behaved beyond badly culminating in their atrocious behaviour at the birth. I would keep to the moral highground which will highlight just what a great granny, mother and MiL you are. It sounds as if you SiL has their measure and has possibly had enough.

Jennymolly not a very helpful post to encourage separation. How do the grandchildren fit into your scenario. As you don’t know all the facts and before .
you say it neither do I .isn’t it best to encourage togetherness.
Yearoff invite your in laws to a Sunday dinner and try and be friends with them. Don’t get involved with your sil problems . It will probably backfire as nobody’s perfect

Sandym8 these other grandparents have behaved despicably in the past and continue to do so now causing distress to the new parents. This is very obviously to the detriment of the baby as well. I fail to see how these selfish and disturbing people should be accommodated beyond the bare necessities. They have been asked to stop their stress causing behaviour but apparently have continued.

Jennymolly I understand people don’t always behave 100%right but who does? Also the problem is we don’t know the full truth and even if we did is it really ok to condemn and judge someone else if it doesn’t effect us personally? The thing to remember in all this is the children and how arguing and hostility in the family affects them. From my experience it only causes long term unhappiness and upset. It’s best to try and bring both parties together and hopefully they can resolve their differences.

Sandy this is not just people not behaving right. This is people behaving downright disgusting.
I find the insistance to find fault in the Op odd. Shes just worried about her child.
If a mil was posting this i think the replies would have been very different.
They need to listen to what there son is saying and behaving themselves. They behaving like the daughter is just a vessel to produce their grandchild. Ive met people like these parents, who admit that the mother is just an obstacle to the baby. No care for her.

Oswin we haven’t heard both sides of the story so I don’t know if that’s the whole truth. It’s best not to judge too much unless you’ve heard both sides. That’s what iam trying to get across. I don’t know the full truth but neither do you. What if her sil suddenly changes his behaviour and blames his mil for losing his parents. Everyone is fickle and it would be better if she kept out of any arguments her sil has with his parents. It’s best to just enjoy her time with her grandchildren and keep out of family feuds. No one ever comes out the winner in the end

That the nature of forums. You advise on what the Op presents to you.
Your posts make it seem like the Op is doing something to push away the pil. Why do you believe that. The Op is just wanting to talk about a stressful situation. She isnt doing anything.

No one would be able to advise at all on forums if we had to hear both sides. Some posters only refuse to believe the Op if the mans parents are behaving badly. Funny that.