Behaviour of dgd

I had a very wilful DD, who, I often felt, had read all the baby books in the womb and knew all about this naughty step/discuss behaviour with her etc etc type discipline, and treated it with contempt. In the end I started withdrawing privileges/mild bribery.

On holiday, it could be a statement before going to the supermarket such as 'If you behave properly here and do not run away from M &D, we will go to the park and have an ice cream.' If she does run away, this treat is cancelled. There will, of course, be an almighty tantrum. This should be ignored, no pleading with or trying to placate. Just ignore it and talk among yourselves until she calms down and the day can continue.

It will take time, but she will eventually get the message.

Like others I must admit that a 4-5 year old on holiday in a cottage with her parents, all her toys and books at home, is going to get very bored. Her parents should be including one child orientated activity into their holiday every day.

We had this type of holiday, but always made sure that DC's interests and occupation were catered for. There are plenty of child based activities and other attractions she may enjoy; animal parks, train rides, children's playing grounds etc. There will be plenty of leaflets, possibly in the house, but certainly at the local Information Office.

They are in yorkshire somewhere with a holiday cottage. Just her and parents.
That sounds like a lovely peaceful holiday for a couple but not much fun for a five year old.
Poor child must be bored silly and the parents must be at their wits' end trying to keep her happy and entertained.

What's wrong with the seaside? You don't have to go anywhere really busy - a holiday flat or caravan on a quietish site, the beach, a play park, other children to play with?
No wonder she's playing up.

Bluebelle. What kind of holiday can appeal to grown ups and kids. Dd runs herself ragged to try to please partner and child.
When you have children holidays are really more about them than you - plenty of time for 'couples' holidays before children and after they decide they don't want to come with you any more.

This will continue for as long as the other GPs are allowed by SIL to undermine DD’s rules.

Please tell me they aren’t DD’s childcare...

There are plenty of child based activities and other attractions she may enjoy; animal parks, train rides, children's playing grounds etc. There will be plenty of leaflets, possibly in the house, but certainly at the local Information Office.
Yes - it's not too late to introduce some child-oriented fun into the holiday

Sounds like not a whole lot of fun if this is their idea of a summer holiday. Maybe they could talk to her and find out what she would like apart from Disneyland. It's not too late for some fun days out and if she misbehaves in the mean time tell her those fun days out will be cancelled.

I don't think you are going to like what I'm going to say but hey ho !!
Children's had behaviour is very often down to bad parenting so less of the dd and tell her to get her act together .The sil needs his head banging too . Together they are causing one little child masses of confusion and sadness. It is up to them to take a good honest look at themselves and their own behaviours and see what's gone wrong and to then decide together what they are going to do about it and if they don't they could be nurturing one complete and utter tearaway of the future who will only get worse with time.
Whatever that poor child is doing is learned behaviour so someone she sees on a regular basis has bad temper tantrums and she sees that person get their own way by doing it so she copies.
Do not blame the child
Do not blame the other set of grandparents.
Blame her mummy and daddy they have created this little terror and it is up to them to sort it out ...
With kindness
With patience
With consistency
With love
With togetherness
With rules
With set boundaries
And with acceptance of their own wrongdoings.

looks like the parents are having a holiday that suits them and the child comes a very poor second.They need to put some effort into making it enjoyable for her.Do they even chat to her or are they on their phones and laptops all day? She sounds like a very bored wee girl to me .

i took her to a party and she ignored me almost the whole time
I hope she did she's 5!!!
Thank goodness the poor little thing has some fun grandparents, she's never going to see Disneyland with your side of the family is she?

Gosh no Ethel I m sure your family is no different to any other but surely you can imagine a holiday in a cottage is a grown up holiday it’s really not a holiday most kids would enjoy unless they took another kid with them to play with

A cottage holiday for your daughter and husband if they were leaving the little one with you or the other grandparents for a few days and somewhere with a playground or a kids club or a beach or maybe an indoor swimming pool if taking your granddaughter
Some children are quiet and will enjoy just wandering around with mum and dad but the majority of lively full on kids would be bored out of their heads
When I took my kids on holiday we used to go camping and that kept them busy it was the only holiday i could ever afford but if you pick a good campsite there’s usually a games room and often a pool and they get to play with other children.
I think she is much too young to take on such a grown up holiday although I m sure your daughter booked it in good faith of having an ideal family holiday
Don’t worry it ll all come out in the wash

About the party when my kids were young parents dropped them off at parties and picked them up at a certain time I don’t understand why parents or grandparents have to stay with them

Have read your comments with interest and yes they do child centred activities. Thete is a beach not far away and are taking her tomortow and if she behaves she is going on a donkey ride etc. Thats what i did with dd . She just gets badly behaved when she foes to shops etc. Ive promised to take her out when she gets back and next year i will go along too. My dreams of a cruise are fast dissapearing

Ethel why do you have to put off your holiday to go with them surely your daughter and her husband can handle one child for a week without you having to go along with them They just need to book a family irientated holiday where there are other children to play with and lots to do and either have a ‘couple’ weekend alone or forget the couple thing until she is older like most people have to

Got to agree.
Surely two adults can cope with one small child for a week?

BlueBelle, unfortunately some couples will not forget the 'couple thing' - DD and SIL still go away without DGS but DD and I take DGS to the beach, zoo etc. for days out. He has not been on holiday yet but when he does I bet my life I will be taken along for nannying duties ?
Ethel your DD sounds a bit like mine, expecting you to sort out her child as just another problem she has - I could be mistaken ?

Barring a serious medical issue, two adults can reasonably be expected to parent their own five year old for a week.

If they can’t manage her on holiday, how the hell are they managing at home?

Also, I wouldn't be promising to take her out when she got back from a holiday where she had not behaved herself, but that's just me.
P.S my daughter was a real cow when she was small too!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

When you have a lively intelligent child on their own you have to spend 90 % or more of your time doing things with them You cannot have an adult couple holiday with a child in tow Shopping, going to supermarkets, walking around are completely no no’s, going to the beach is only workable if you play with the child, chase it, build castles, fly a kite, kick a ball, go swimming if you sit there together and expect the child to sit and play alone it isn’t going to work at all, she ll wander off or climb the rocks or run into the sea or have a melt down
This child is misbehaving because she sounds bored out of her intelligent little head
I m not anything special but I used to take three kids away on my own and when the two older ones were too old to want to come I took the younger ones best friend with us as there was no way I could keep her entertained

It sounds as if one side of the family (SiL and his parents) let her have her own way and run wild while your side expect her to behave. She will obviously lean towards the side who lets her have her own way and push the boundaries she doesn’t like. Perhaps DD should get a bad headache and tell SiL to take her shopping once or twice!

On Nanabilly’s list the key points that seem to perhaps gone astray are With Rules, With Set Boundaries and - With Togetherness. A united parental front is essential!

She sounds more than ready for school and will change a lot once she’s there so don’t commit to holidaying with them next year - and don’t give up on your cruise!

What is wrong with these people who can't manage to combine an adults and childs activities on holiday. It's not difficult as BlueBelle says you just have to do things that entertain the child. I had two boys with an eight year gap and managed to entertain them throughout the summer holidays every year. So what if the things they found interesting weren't exactly my cup of tea, they were my kids and it was my job and actually we had a great time. Are these people so lacking in imagination?

We agreed when the children were young that holidays would be suitable for them and we could do our own thing when they were older. I asked my younger daughter when she was grown up how she had enjoyed our family holidays. Her reply was ' they were good Mum but if I never see another castle it will be too soon ' so much for the educational aspect.

A holiday cottage is not top of every child's wish list, you should see the photos of eldest GD's face when she is away. Youngest happily follows Daddy on yomps across the countryside but elder is now looking for more glamorous locations.
I used to let the GC push one of those kiddie trolleys and they could shop for the small items and a small treat for them when they had collected all the required items.

Am I missing something here - half a dozen posters have said that a holiday cottage is not a suitable holiday for a child. Why ever not?

Surely many families stay in country cottages during the summer. There are numerous activities you can do in the country with children; presumably there is a garden and child-friendly activities in the area.

How the child is being handled is a different matter, but I'm just confused about a cottage holiday not being suitable!

Not letting her go on the donkey ride unless she behaves herself is like setting her up to fail. Do the donkey ride first, let her have her fun and then if she misbehaves introduce consequences (going home). Shes 5 and pushing boundaries, you know she's most likely not going to behave the entire time so why hold the donkey ride over her head. She's most likely bored of being with her parents the majority of the time, towards the end of summer as well, when she's used to being surrounded by other kids at school. Taking her to places she can run around with other kids may help. I don't think it's that the holiday cottage isn't suitable for a child, but that one on their own may be bored if there's not a lot to entertain them. That's why most people take children to butlins and other child friendly holiday parks. We have a 1 year old and went to a quieter one this year as we know we don't have long left before we end up going somewhere with more entertainment for DD.

It sounds almost as if her dads family are spoiling her and yours expect her to behave like a little grown up. She's 5, some are more exhausting than others, she's pushing boundaries because she knows she can and she's probably testing what will happen as her parents aren't on the same page. They need to decide what the boundaries are, stick to them and tell both sets of grandparents what the non negotiable rules are for her, so you can all stick to them.

But if she's running off and driving them crazy at the moment then take her to a soft play! She can run around and exhaust herself there.

I agree Riverwalk.
My aunt had a very small cottage in Cornwall across the road from her own house and that was where nearly all our holidays with the DC were spent.
I suppose the fact that there were 3 of them made it slightly easier in that we could let them wander off and explore the woods, or plague my aunt, until we were ready to go out for the day.
They had no iPads or computer games of course but they were perfectly happy with their books and games till it was time to go to the beach, or a National Trust place where we could have a picnic, or just a walk along the cliff path or across the moors.
Not a theme park in sight
They loved it.