Redundant gran

Jacksgran are you still here?

Need to find a life
If this is really all that has been keeping you going, what a waste of a life.

The OP needs to tell us a bit more, hopefully she will return to the thread soon.
We are more than Mothers and Grandmothers surely?
Getting our children to the point where they fly the nest, and then our DGC too ( or old enough not to actually need us) should be looked upon as an accomplishment.

Are you OK Jacksgran?

We became grandparents for the first time 2 years ago at 66 and 70. Although delighted for our son and DIL we weren’t over excited to be grandparents as thought we were both too old. Can’t believe how wrong we were. Our little granddaughter has brought such fun and laughter into our lives and we’re looking after her for 2 days at present. Thank goodness we both have good health! Our daughter in Australia had her first baby last year at 39 so we now have 2 granddaughters. We fly over to Melbourne in 2 weeks time to celebrate her first birthday. While many of our friends who had their grandchildren in their late 50’s and early 60’s are now redundant grandparents, we are just starting off.

granism not garnishness

Destin I don't think we "sign up to the religion of garnish". Becoming a gran is something that happens naturally to the lucky ones amongst us. The love that comes unbidden for our grandchildren can't be avoided. No signing up involved.

Smurf44 That is so sad. I do feel for you. ?

I do feel discarded a bit as the DGC have grown up now and the family don't need us. DD and her DH have been able to keep all their friends as we have always been there for babysitting evenings and weekends so they could go away etc.
Disappointed that DD has never acknowledged how much we have done for them. Only see them occasionally now.

Fortunately we have now developed a great social life for ourselves locally, lots of friends and interesting hobbies. It's the only answer.

Are you a new poster Jacksgran?

If so, welcome

Take heart - you never know what the future may hold. My eldest grand daughter now married with a 3 month old son visits at least once a week sometimes more and her Mum who lives a distance visits more because of the baby! As do his aunties and uncles!

Think of how much you have contributed to DGD memories and life tapestryand security and she will always know you love her ! This coming September is a huge step for us as all older grandsons will be in senior school. Ahhh... only blessing is that the youngest grandson starts school in September, so we have a few more years of school runs left , but I really feel for you , .... here's a hug ?

I stopped going on holiday with grandchildren when their stamina was greater than mine! Still see them all regularly, but in small doses, so I can put up my feet afterwards!

As for holidays, well as least one of them will come away with us when we go self catering or camping somewhere. Its time now for you to think of yourself and your interests.

You are never redundant as a gran. Your talents and love will be used in a different way. My 5 are all late teens and early twenties and still do things for them. Just helped my 23 year old with her knitting that she has recently learnt. GS needed advice on savings and money. We meet up for coffee at least once a month for a chat and I love it. They are now young adults needing guidance at times

One of my biggest pleasures it the freedom retirement as given me. The wealth of things to do is endless. I often say us baby boomers have never had it so good.

Nothing is forever ........ we have to keep reinventing g ourselves and finding a new focus. It is always sad to close what was a wonderful chapter ....... few of us are ever ready to do it! It exciting to start a new chapter. Allow yourself a brief period of self pity and then move on! We haven’t got that much time left, let’s just make the most of it! X

Sorry you feel so sad.Could you go to a local junior school and read with the children?Lots of them probably don't have Grandparents near and would benefit greatly.One of my gc just had embroidery lessons and loved the elderly lady who taught her-------girl guides and brownies are all looking for leaders.Or sign up for a class you have always wanted to do but not had time,try to give yourself a really nice treat.Good luck

I have taken my Son's 3 girls away for a week to Wales every year since the youngest was 2. We have a great time and the girls look forward to the next time from the minute we get back. The eldest will be 16 this year and is not able to come with us as she will be doing her GCSEs and will have to revise, but she said she is determined to come for at least 1 day bless her. I have always known there will come a time when they will not want to come so I am making the most of it for hopefully a few more years yet. My daughter lives in Wales and has a daughter of her own and we all meet up and spend as much time as possible together, it's lovely to see the 4 girls all getting on so well together.

No idea of your circumstances but some of us will never get the opportunity to do all those things, count the blessings you have had

There is a website called adopt a grandma. I guess that is for children who otherwise would miss out on the fun of spending time with a nanna

Jacksgran’s sad post is the end result of what appears to be a nation of middle age women who sign up unconditionally to ‘the religion of granism’.

I have 2 AC and each has one child. My daughter was a single mum and couldn’t cope so I took over the care of my GD as a baby and she has lived with just me for all her 15 years. My daughter lived elsewhere in the same town until 3 years ago. Last summer I was diagnosed with Lymphoma (blood cancer) and whilst in hospital for 3 weeks my GD went to stay “temporarily” with my DD now living 700 miles from me. My GD came home for a few weeks at Christmas but then decided she wanted to live with her mum permanently, so abandoned her GCSE courses half way through, all her friends etc and went north at the beginning of January. I thought (hoped) she would return, but she appears to have settled with her mum and I have felt incredibly lonely and abandoned for the last two month.

Last week, my son who lives about 60 miles away, announced he and his wife plus my lovely 5 year old GS are about to move with his job to Holland! So from spending several lovely days at Christmas with both GC and my son and DiL I will suddenly have no family nearby. Life just won’t be the same. I don’t even have a passport and am not a great traveller. Even travelling the 60 miles to see my son isn’t easy as I don’t drive that far and my partner doesn’t understand my fear of fast traffic! I’m not sure how I’m going to cope.

I have several friends also in their 60s and we meet for coffee and cinema trips, but I’m really going to miss my little GS as I planned to see loads more of him now my GD is no longer here! I used to teach and love children of this age, so their move is definitely going to hurt.

Noticed this trend many times when reading Forum posts....so many readers give themselves, their life and all their energies to looking after their grandchildren - and loose themselves in the process! No wonder they feel so desolate when they are “not needed” any more! There are so many ways to be a caring grandmother - and staying alive tips the list!

Re-read Annifrance’s post above......and take heed!

You are lucky to have grandchildren, my daughter never wanted children and son not bothered. Just the three of us now and daughter 150 miles away so I visit her because she has horses, dog, cats to care for and widowed a year ago, too young for that. Life is cruel. Count your blessings.