Love letters ?

I too have a pile of old letters that I wouldn't like to think of anyone reading, mostly from my husband, but a few from family members etc, all quite personal. It's three years since my husband died, so my plan is to wait until one day when I'm feeling strong, have a final read through them and then have a little bonfire. It think that, as a daughter, I am glad I was never confronted by any old letters belonging to my parents, I would rather not have had to deal with them. I owe it to my daughters to get rid of anything too personal.

My mum told me that she wanted all the letters sent and received between her and my dad destroyed. She asked me not to read them. As she died suddenly, she had no chance to destroy them herself, so I was left with her verbal instructions.

Although I was sorely tempted to see what was so private in them, I did as she asked. Once they were on the fire, the temptation was gone and I was satisfied that I had done as she wished.

My Daughter in law is 10 days overdue with 2nd baby and not due for induction until Tuesday. I am feeling very anxious tonight as don’t know anyone who has been this overdue. Can anyone reassure me please?

Septimia my mother had a collection of letters from my father. She told me that she wanted them destroyed, unread, after she died which is what I did. I'm not sure I would have wanted to read them, not my business. I did find an entry in an old diary which told me when and where I was conceived (Worthing, one September when my father was on leave) which was quite fun.

I agree with Doodle.

You could photograph them and upload them to a computer in a passworded file, so that you can read them when you want to, but nobody can do so after you're gone. If you want to, you could ask a trusted friend to delete the file for you.

Carib
It would be better to make a separate thread, and I'm sure you'd get some reassurance.

As a collector of oral histories, I am deeply grateful for those people who spoke to me at length about their feelings and emotions.

Some of them had very touching letters, written often in sad circumstances but they acknowledged this to be history not just their own but of interest to others too.

Have you ever read the Mass Observation accounts? Or Doreen Bates book about her wartime affair?

Or any of the books which talk about letters from the past? Fascinating stuff.

Of course I fully understand there may be some parts of some letters which are very private and that's fine - take those out but PLEASE keep the rest for the sake of family history.
Your descendants will love them.

Both the UK and NZ have archives which will take people's diaries; they hold stocks of wartime letters which historians use (with tight rules about privacy).

Where would history be if we destroyed it all?

The only letter I had of my parents was the one my dad sent to my mum when I was born. It was so full of love and excitement about the future and gave an insight into their lives back then. I was unsure what to do with it - part of me wanted to put it in with my mum after she died (Dad had gone 2 years previously) but part of me wanted to preserve it for future generations. I compromised and scanned it before putting the original in the coffin with her. I also had a small heart shaped broach with pictures of her mother and her fiancé who was killed in the war before she met my dad which was very precious to her - I put that in too but also copied it for posterity.

I think the letters I have in a box in the loft written between my husband and I really should be burned though - we were 15 when most were written and it's pretty trivial stuff but not what I would like my family to read when we're gone

When we tidied our attic some years ago I reread and destroyed letters from DH. I really did not want DC to read these very personal letters from a relationship that has lasted 56 years.
I have kept every card from my immediate family but I think it is propbably time to let them go now.

I've sent you a private message tanith.

Don't be too precious about your letters, I think it's wonderful for your descendants to see how much you loved each other. And be careful what you throw as there could be some really great social history or family information there.

I have a whole suitcase full of old letters between my parents, plus some family ones from the 1930s. I am reading them and making notes on the computer as I go along, keeping a few interesting letters back for posterity. I plan to shred nearly all of them because there are just too many.

However, you can photograph them or scan them and insert the image into a document saved with a private password. You may need help but this is a fantastic way to save private paperwork. Keep them in a folder called 'Archives to Delete' so it can all be deleted with the press of a button when you're gone.

My husband and I burnt our letters a few years ago.... they were very personal to us and we certainly didn’t want anyone else to read them.... we felt that was the right thing to do... and have no regrets.... hope that helpsX

We are all different but I would not want any letters I have received ,of an intimate nature, to be read by anyone else. Reluctantly they are destroyed.

I have a big boxful of love letters my DH wrote me n poems I couldn’t get rid of them, we are still happily married I’ve never given it a thought what will happen to them when I’m gone, maybe they should be cremated with me

It seems my dilemma has given others pause for thought. ?

DH died last year, and I am not sure whether we still have any love letters, if we have, they'll be up in the loft, but I have a feeling we got rid of them when we moved house.

But I recently felt able to clear out my husband's briefcase and tucked into the back I found a letter I had written to him when he was away working in Zaire and Ghana in the 1980s. I had been left at home with our two young children and it was mainly news of what we had been up to, the weather etc, but with a few private bits from me. There were also two pictures in the envelope that DS8 and DD4 had drawn for him. I was so touched to think he had kept it, and once I had read it I tucked it back into the briefcase. The DCs will find it when I'm gone, along with a few family photos of me and the children that he used to carry around when he was travelling.

NICO97. Excellent thoughts.

My DH has a life shortening condition and is very poorly. I am no longer a wife, he regards me as a care and service provider. I am disabled myself and like a GN in an earlier thread am running on fumes and adrenaline. However....DH is writing a daily journal that I am forbidden to read until after his death. He says that it is full of his feelings for me so why can't I read it now? He has changed so much due to this appalling condition, MSA, Multi System Atrophy .

Agree completely with Nico97

Hi Tanith, I had the same dilemma a year ago. I went through them all and decided to burn them. I have them in my heart and in my memory. Good luck with your choice. And do what's right for you.

Nico97, you took the words right out of my mouth (keyboard!).

Harrigran I too have kept all the cards from my family but I too am thinking of getting rid of them .
I have all the cards my DH has sent too -Birthday ,Christmas,Anniverasary,Valentine’s Day.
When I die they will all be binned.
Do I save my children the bother and do that now?

I am with Bradfordlass. Okay, get rid of anything too personal, or if you have been asked to, but a letter gives a voice to our people in the past. We still have one from my Grandad from Passchendaele. Very ordinary, but lovely to see how he expresses himself. And 'result' Fizzer!

I too have letters that my ex husband wrote back in the 60s. I have been divorced for over 30 years and don't expect my daughters will want to read them. I don't know why I've kept them , I don't even want to read them. Maybe over the next week I'll go to the cupboard where they are and get rid of them. They are of no help or interest to anyone but me. Maybe I'll read them and destroy them that would be sensible.

mmmm I find it strange that 'famous' people have their letters and scraps, and laundry lists pored over and published as important - because they were important and yet we feel that letter by our ancestors are irrelevant! I would be very impressed if any read mine after my death! My mum entrusted me with her treasured letters from my dad, just before she died - because she knew I would honour them - Not embarrassing, a message from the past of her younger self I did not know of a person who is of utmost importance to me. Having said that I do a regular edit of what I do leave...much has been dumped.