Boasting

Boasting is an indication of insecurity. I've always wanted to say, "I had a farm in Africa, at the foot of the ngong hills", but hold my tongue.

All of it is transient

My close relatives tell me happy things in their lives and that seems okay, I think because they already know I am interested in what they do as ongoing narrative. My own life is uneventful here in lockdown except for minute housekeeping or dog related events, and my private mental life is of very limited interest to others.

Of course, your inner mental life is private unless you choose to open it up to others Alexa, but perhaps your friendly neighbour finds you interesting and was hoping to draw you out a little and tried to do so by offering some information about her own life.

Perhaps it came out of the blue and seemed inappropriate in the context of an impersonal conversation, but I suspect she wants to get to know you better.

maybe she lives alone and cannot share her excitement about her holiday with a family or friend. So probably not bragging but just wanted to share her thoughts. sometimes people do not consider others - not necessarily rude but just unthinking. i'm a veggie and you cannot believe how many people tell me in great detail what a wonderful steak dinner or some other load of dead flesh they have eaten. they do not think of the vegetarians feelings as to them it is a normal part of their life. it appears the same with this lady . you just have to shrug it off

I doubt it Delilah. She is a youngish married lady with a very full life, is an art teacher, and my interests are really peculiar anyway.

Alexa, why should any of those things preclude her from wanting to get to know you better?

I reiterate the fact that some people just love to boast to their friends who they feel will be impressed by their families achievements.
It is not just conversation it is trying to be superior.
There are very few people like this, sadly I know one very well.
We cannot excuse everyone.

Not liking something doesn't mean being jealous.
Why would anyone be jealous of something they've no interest at all in?

I think what bothers me about this discussion is a thinking process that goes something like this:

Somebody I get on with normally talked to me about something I don’t have.
I wasn’t interested because I don’t have or value that thing.
Therefore that person must have been boasting.
Therefore I think that person has bad manners.

Some responses seem to have followed this with:
So deal with this by being rude or dismissive.

If the original judgement (ie, this is boasting) was in error, then the person who talked about their holiday may have received a quite undeservedly dismissive or rude reply. They might have been hurt, shocked or upset. They might think back over the phone conversation and decide that the caller is unpleasant, rude or jealous.

Result - two people who end up with a bad opinion of one another because each was prepared to attribute bad will to the other. I think that’s a bad outcome.

If each caller were prepared to view the other with a more open mind, it could have been the basis for friendship.

This was a phone conversation. I have just reread the OP. Some people find ending a phone call hard and maybe, without seeing you, she was unable to gauge your interest or lack of it.

That was nice of you Grammaretto to read my OP again. The woman did ring me to ask would I be in if she came to deliver my picture that she was mounting for me. Then she brought it to my door wearing a face covering and keeping a distance away. She is interesting when teaching water colour painting.

I like your reasoning Geekesse!
Good grief Alexa you've got some replies!

Sometimes this can be misconstrued. Before I had my 1st baby I lived inSwitzerland and therefore bought all my baby clothes there. They were very different to the clothes I could buy in the UK at that time, which is where I had my baby. So often people would asked where I had got the clothes from and I would answer honestly - Geneva - and so ofter I could almost see the eyes go to the ceiling (many local mums who I met did not very often leave the area where I returned to, nor indeed travelled far as they went to local places on their holidays). I soon discovered that I got a better response if I lied and said Mothercare (or some other local shop!). I travelled all over the world with my husband as he worked overseas a lot and I bought many things for my home, from different countries and I got the same 'eyes to the ceiling' response when asked where I'd got them.

Well, BlueSky, it has made me realise how so many members are interested in the personal rather than the academic.

I think we really need a new discussion about making friends and keeping them, do you?

Newatthis, your story illustrates a truth which is that different sets of people fall into different frames of thinking about the social world.

There are so many things to get worked up about and this is not one of them... she more than likely was just so happy and proud of her holiday home ! hopefully you said “ that’s sounds lovely “ and got on with the business in hand ? Some people haven’t got anyone else to tell good news like this to and perhaps she saw you as a kindly face ??’

And do you ???

Sounds to me that rather than boasting this lady was (perhaps insensitive), excited about her property and the holidays she has there.

As for being inappropriate in relation to your business relationship, perhaps she felt that your relationship has moved towards a more friendly relationship.

oooo Naninka you are wonderfully naughty! I'll have to try that one!

I've read all the posts here and can't understand why someone should get all aggrieved because their neighbour tells them about a nice holiday home? far too many other things in life to get annoyed about IMO

I really cannot understand the mindset of some posters, what's wrong with someone being proud of their children and Grandchildren and talking about them. What's wrong with talking about a holiday home? I am pleased for other people, and if it makes them happy so much the better.

I honestly think people are resentful either through jealousy, or they just live on sour grapes and are miserable. Let people enjoy and discuss the good things they have in life, so long as they listen to what you have to say as well. What's the problem ?

It's just boring, listening to someone drone on about stuff. And constant showing off about 'perfect' family. No one has a perfect family, but if all you do is extol their virtues, it's unrealistic and again, boring.

I know of someone like this. On and on. What she's got. Name dropping. Her perfect life. What she's getting next. Yawn.

Obviously, you're free to talk about what ever you want. But don't be surprised when people lose interest or get a glazed look.

GagaJo, you say ‘It's just boring, listening to someone drone on about stuff’. Isn’t that at least partly true of any topic that doesn’t particularly interest the listener? It might be a political hobby-horse, or an obscure hobby, or an obsession with a celebrity. Talking about things that interest oneself to the exclusion of the interests of one’s interlocutor may be clumsy, or thoughtless, even lacking in manners, but it doesn’t make one a bad person. Ascribing unpleasant motives to someone simply because we don’t enjoy their topic of conversation is uncharitable and unkind.