Nanny or Grandma

Floradora9 My late grandmother used to say exactly that! I don’t like to be called Nanny either so my DGC all call me Grandma

Nanny is a goat in my mind try Oma the German for granny . My DH is Opa , the male equivalent , to his grandchildren

Well done CrochetJo, that is absolutely the right way to go, and your relationship with your daughter and GD will be all the better for your sensitivity. Enjoy this magical time, they grow up so fast!

It is so unimportant by what name you are known. She is very young (your daughter) and it is all an emotional time. Does she want both set of gparents to be knows and Grandma and Grandpa? If that is the case go with it.
My mum was always Nanna to my children. When my first gchildren started being born, my daughters said they did not want me confused with her (although she was long dead). So, I have always been Grandma to them all. Been useful, as except for one, all their other g.parents have preferred the title Nana. Where we are both Grandma, no problem as we are known as Grandma.......(our first name), to distinguish us.
Does seem that Nanna is the more usual designation. When I used to take young g.children out - other people always referred to me (talking to them) as ' your nanna'.......caused some confusion.

Why would it matter to your daughter? If you feel there is a valid reason, then pick something else. Otherwise, just refer to yourself by the name you want to be called in front of your grandchild. Incidentally, whatever you are called (a rose by any other name) your granddaughter will definitely know the relationship.

Congratulations on the arrival of your Granddaughter!

I can understand you being upset and I really hope you can come to an agreement with your daughter soon.

I’m ‘Nanny’ and I love it. My little GS has added names to distinguish us all, as he has 3 sets of Great grandparents too.
All 5 of us females are called Nanny.

My Ex husbands now ex wife wanted something different and googled ‘Nanny’ in other languages. She settled on Mémé which is French for grandmother.
They split up before GS could talk though

Maybe you and DD could agree on a foreign version?

Sounds like both you and your feelings are being taken for granted and I cannot agree that because your daughter is young and hormonal she should be allowed to run right across your feelings like that. You are supporting her and her boyfriend when all his father wanted was to have rid of the child and not speak to his own son for months. Your daughter needs to realise that you feel excluded and her behaviour is unacceptable. Speak up for yourself or this will continue and your goodwill and good nature will be used and abused ad infinitum. Sorry if this sounds harsh but I see it all the time and have experience of it myself.

Great Crochetjo I think that's probably for the best right now.
Enjoy the little one. A name for you will no doubt evolve naturally.
It may be something really special.

Aww, I do hope you weren’t offended by what I said CrochetJo. It certainly wasn’t my intention, and I apologise if I hurt you in any way. I was simply trying to answer just you ,without being influenced by other posters, and to be as honest as I hope I would be if we were having a coffee together. I wish you and your family well, and hope you get to spend lots of lovely times with your new grandchild, no matter what you are called.

My D calls my father "Fossil". He loves it.

Having read all these comments (some helpful and some quite nasty, I can take constructive criticism but some of the comments were unnecessary) and taken some time to think about it, this is what I think will be best going forward

1) I won't insist on being called Nanny, which I never did in the first place, it was just my preference.
2) I've asked my Husband to stop calling me Nanny.
3) I will wait until my Daughter calls me something (I haven't mentioned it since the baby has been born, the conversation was held when my Daughter told us she was pregnant months ago) and I'll go by that name
4) Or I'll wait until my Granddaughter is old enough to call something

Just one thing to all the ladies who get called Nanny, I don't think its linked to an old goat (smile)

I have never liked the term Nanna, and always wanted to be called Gran. My grandchildren call me that, but my great grandchildren call me Grannie Annie. This started when the foster children my daughter had wanted to call me something, and when my daughter was pregnant with her first son, a friend called me Grannie Annie, so that is what I am to all the DGG and also any foster children my daughter or my grandsons have. My daughter is Nan by her grandchildren, that is what she chose to be known as.

I would wait a little as others have cautioned, and just enjoy the time you are able to share with them getting to be a new family group. Each to their own, and I would hate to (and I think refused) to be known as Nanny or Nana, so had it been suggested I would just have replied 'anything but that, you choose and let me know?'

I think having said she doesn't like the name, you will have to let it go. She is not calling you anything because she doesn't know what to do. When you are having a quiet moment in a week or two, come up with a list of two or three that you wouldn't mind being called, and ask her to pick one. I think if you insist on referring to yourself as 'Nanny' you will only inflame the situation, and you all have enough to cope with at the moment.

CrochetJo, I understand how you feel. Becoming a grandparent for the first time is exciting, and also a very emotional time, and many of us do like to decide on what we would like to be called by our grandchild. Whatever name you eventually choose, your grandchild will no doubt come up with their own version of it, but it'll be special to you!

I also understand why you may feel a little upset at not being referred to by a particular name, whether it's one you have chosen yourself, or one that your daughter has chosen for you (for now), especially when all of the GPs have their names.

Emotions are obviously running high in your household right now, and your daughter's hormones will be all over the place. Maybe the name you chose simply reminds her of what she called her own GM, who you say she didn't have much of a relationship with. Just give her time, and continue to be the supportive, caring mum that you seem to be. When things settle, and your daughter is in a good mood, I'd just start a light-hearted conversation with her, and ask her, isn't it about time you had a name that you can be referred to as a grandparent? If she really is against 'Nanny', I'm sure you can come up with something else between you ... NanJo, GranJo, GanJo ...? I wouldn't get too worked up about whatever name is chosen, because your lovely little grandchild will eventually choose whatever he/she decides once they begin to talk!

Congratulations on becoming a grandparent, and don't let this little issue spoil what is such a special time for you all!

Such a ‘first world problem‘. Get over yourself and look beyond what is happening in your bubble.

You might find News and Politics more to your liking, PauliLenney.

You’re not likely to find the weighty problems of the world under discussion in Ask a Gran.

I think you want to hear people agree with you that you are ‘right to be upset’. This is complicated because your feelings are your feelings and there is no right or wrong about it. But, in my view it’s important what you do about those feelings and how you cope with them. Often our feelings are not based on the here and now and are not rational but have a history in our own experiences as children and in our relationships. The arrival of your granddaughter has brought to a head what appears to be a difficulty in communication between you and your daughter and dare I say some very strong feelings. You want to feel recognised as the baby’s special nanny. Also, early in pregnancy it’s not unusual for people to talk about termination but it means nothing once the child has arrived. You need to find a way of accommodating that baby has other grandparents and each will have their own relationship with her which doesn’t diminish the others. I think you might need a place to think all this through so that you can be part of a loving and calm and peaceful environment for the new family and your little granddaughter. Perhaps consult a counsellor,,,? I hope that you find this helpful.

I wouldn’t care what I was called - the absolute joy of having a grandchild would surpass anything else that I was thinking or feeling.
A new life, a new beginning. This time is about the beautiful baby who has just entered the world and its Mum who has obviously been through a traumatic time.
You are the grown up in this scenario.
Your daughter does not need this additional burden of managing your demands.
Remember the quotation; ‘What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet’.
This is actually quite sad ... that something so trivial can be taking up pages and pages of space on this site. There are people who will never have the joy of a grandchild, those who have just had a grandchild born with an illness or a disability, many grandchildren born who are unwanted and unloved.
Such a ‘first world problem‘. Get over yourself and look beyond what is happening in your bubble.

Hi there, CrochetJo

As has been mentioned we've been living a strange existence this past few months.

Things that would have been minor six months ago, suddenly become huge

I'm sure eventually you'll get a name that suits you all.

My daughter-in-law's mother finally settles on a name that everyone was happy about almost a year after birth!

Enjoy your lovely granddaughter!

Why not ask your daughter what she would like you to be called?
Possibly she isn't using any name for you because she has rejected your suggestion of Nanny, but nothing else has been agreed.

My DS didn't want me to be called Granny to his child because, to him, that was his granny - my Mum.

Congratulations on your lovely new granddaughter.

When my daughter had her first child my mother asked me what i was going to let the baby grow up calling me. Instantly mother said that she wanted to be called grandma, i said that i also wanted to be called grandma, but not to worry about it because the child would come up with her own way of letting us know which of the grandma's she was referring to, and she did. I was grandma, because she lived with her mum and me for some years, and great grandma, who she had to go in the car to drive to her home, she decided to call car grandma. Well sorted out, and even though that little one is now 18 years old, she still calls my mum car grandma and so does her younger sister.

Congratulations on the birth of your grandchild. It’s very early days , emotion is high but don’t spoil this precious time by getting upset about what you might be called, these things work out in time. Enjoy the time you spend with your daughter and her child. How lovely to be such a young gran. I was in my 60s when my grandchild was born.

SheilsM

Hi Crochetjo, I totally empathise with how you’re feeling. I think our emotions are very heightened during this strange life we’re living now but sons/daughters/son-in-law’s/daughter-in-laws can be so hurtful.,I’ve also spent most of today in tears over son and daughter-in-law. I have no answers as I have none for myself! But just wanted you to know I empathise and you’re not alone X

Hi SheilsM thank you for your message, I just wanted to reach out to you to see if you’re ok x

DiscoDancer1975

Sorry, I haven’t trawled through seven pages, and apologies if this has been said, but I can’t see it’s anything to do with the name, but more your relationship with your daughter. What’s going on? The other three grandparents have their names, but there is “ nothing towards you”. Your granddaughter will obviously know her relationship to you, it couldn’t be hidden, and you’re worried about this, rather than the fact your daughter seems to be pushing you out. Sorry if I’ve misunderstood somewhere, or you’ve been back and explained it.

Maybe you should read the comments before jumping to conclusions

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My daughter called her grandmother and great grandmother, who both wished to be Granny, by their Christian names eg Granny Vinnie and Granny Lucy

My eldest grandchild called me Marmar because she could not pronounce Grandma. Her children call me MarmarMarmar. In the unlikely event that they have children while I am still around I suppose it will be MarmarMarmarMarmar (Heaven forbid).

So, you see, I don’t think it matters what you want to be called, the grandchildren will name you.