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Would you sell your house & downsize to help your sibling?

(116 Posts)
MaryTheBookeeper Sun 13-Sep-20 20:29:06

This is the situation I'm in. I don't want to go into detail. They've done nothing wrong, whatsoever. You'll have to take my word for that. But they have nowhere to live & currently, no income. Although this will change in time. I'm considering selling my house to split the money & buy them their own small place they can call their own. This obviously puts me in a lesser position too as my house was my pension. I doubt few would do it. I'm not even sure I can, but I'm thinking about it. Would you?

Davidhs Mon 14-Sep-20 07:35:26

“Sibling had several operations, carted off to prison, bungalow signed over to others.”

There is a lot more very bad stuff associated with this situation and you may not know the full story, a lot of bad decisions have been made. The relative despite ill health was doing something very illegal to be jailed in that condition.

Stay away from it and let social services sort it out, your caring sibling would have known what illegal activity was going on!.

Davidhs Mon 14-Sep-20 07:49:47

Relative had operation—-

Oopsminty Mon 14-Sep-20 07:56:33

It's entirely up to you

But I certainly wouldn't

Sparkling Mon 14-Sep-20 08:02:34

It woukd be a temporary solution to a permanent problem for you. It's no fun, retired with little money.

M0nica Mon 14-Sep-20 09:08:24

Mary In which case they are entitled to help from the council in obtaining housing; UC, and housing benefit. Depending on their age they should go and discuss their situation with the CAB or Age UK, and probably a solicitor (it may be possible to do this through CAB)

There are many resources they can consult and seek aid from before you need to to even consider the drastic action you propose.

If it does go ahead I would make sure you keep ownership of any property you buy and make sure you have a proper legal letting agreement. It seems, sadly, as happens far too often, that life-changing financial arrangements are made between family members without any proper legal supervision and/or due diligence and when the person benefitting from the agreement proves to be untrustworthy(and it happens so often), the other person in the agreement is, as in this case left up the creek without a paddle. Don't you make the same mistake.

Cabbie21 Mon 14-Sep-20 09:22:53

I agree that this action is too drastic. The situation as you describe it shows a lack of wisdom in previous decisions . I see no reason for you to escalate it with such long term consequences.
You said you areN’t able to help with a rental deposit, so how can you afford to sell and buy two properties? It takes money up front to achieve. And where will your sibling live in the meantime? I don’t get it as an immediate solution or as a long term one.
Your sibling needs to get urgent help from CAB to get benefits in place. If you can let Him/her live with you for a short while until these come through that will help., but they won’t get housing benefit until they find a place to rent. Don’t be too fussy about where that is. It is not easy to find a tenancy when on benefits and local authorities have little available for people without children, at best it might be a room in a hostel.

DotMH1901 Mon 14-Sep-20 09:37:41

My advice would be to help your sibling find out what they are entitled to in terms of help from the local authority. They may have to accept a bedsit accommodation initially but that is better than being homeless. They should qualify for Universal Credit, if they need help to claim then the Citizens Advice are very helpful. Please do not sell your own home to help them - firstly it will take some months to sell and get the money and secondly to purchase two suitable properties will also take time. Thirdly it won't help provide your sibling with an income. Helping them get on their feet themselves is the kindest action you can take. If you want to offer to provide the deposit/advance rent on a suitable flat or rental house then, if you can do this without incurring a financial penalty yourself, go ahead... Help is out there for your sibling if they apply for it.

Aepgirl Mon 14-Sep-20 09:38:22

Could you not accommodate them I. Your house until things start to improve?

Lilyflower Mon 14-Sep-20 09:40:14

Your sibling will be in a better place in the long run if you are financially secure. They clearly trusted someone who betrayed them (and this person's character is revealed by their having to go to prison for something else) and it is not your job to put right the ill luck of others by jeopardising your own future.

Others have offered good, practical advice. Your sibling can turn to the local authority for help or you could offer temporary accommodation until your sibling gets back on his/her feet.

You must stay firm and exercise your (superior) judgement to offer advice and support without endangering your own position. Who knows what ill luck or blows you will have to weather in the future and you could not offer support to your sibling if you, too, were impoverished.

Use the hammer of sense here, not the nutcracker of sensibility.

Elegran Mon 14-Sep-20 09:44:12

My reaction to your question is - don't do it! If you go ahead, you too will end up in financial disaster and be just as much a victim as your sibling is of the criminal relative who conned your sibling into spending money and time looking after them while selling the promised house over their head.

The local authority has an obligation to house your sibling, and they will get some money to tide them over for the short time that they believe it will take until they are earning again. Meanwhile, if you go ahead with your idea, you will have lost your home - and half your future pension. You are NOT deserting them by sending them to their council offices for assistance, and keeping your own money fto offer practical help in smaller things.

Forgive me if I am wrong, but this does read very much like a what-if plot for a novel or a magazine article, as I have thought that other threads of yours have done in the past. Why ask strangers on a social media site, when advice from the Citizens' Advice Bureau, AgeUK or a legal expert would be much more useful to you and to your sibling?

lindyloo1958 Mon 14-Sep-20 09:45:02

If you did, I would put the property in your name

Mollygo Mon 14-Sep-20 09:48:25

No. Buying a house won’t solve their financial problems-rates, utilities etc. but having a house may make it difficult to get some benefits that it sounds as if they desperately need.
The organising and financing of selling your house and buying another two with one at the other end of the country would take time during which they will have had chance to find out what help is available. Also it would seriously deplete any money you would make.
If you have the finance, offering temporary help with rent until they’re sorted could be a way to offer support.

Callistemon Mon 14-Sep-20 09:51:55

Your sibling could challenge the will and stay in the house pro tem.

annsixty Mon 14-Sep-20 09:58:38

The relative hasn’t died yet so the will is irrelevant.
Do not put yourself in this position, it is a recipe for disaster.
Just give advice, not money.
Put your own future first.

Auntieflo Mon 14-Sep-20 09:58:43

Elegran, your last paragraph sounds exactly what I was thinking.

Shortlegs Mon 14-Sep-20 09:59:28

No.

katy1950 Mon 14-Sep-20 10:01:17

Speaking from experience please don't do it. Things can change very rapidly . We did this for our son he met his partner and she took a dislike to everyone in his family and he doesn't speak to again now they make our life a misery

Daisymae Mon 14-Sep-20 10:02:54

No I would not. I would offer them a home though. Yes they would have to move but it's practical help and gets them out of a difficult situation.

Callistemon Mon 14-Sep-20 10:02:59

Elegran
My thoughts too, but then I realised that I do know people whose lives lurch from one drama to another!

M0nica Mon 14-Sep-20 10:03:30

Callistemon I get the impression that house was not the sick relative's house to leave to anyone in a will. I wonder whether the house had actually been sold to one of those companies that pay a very low price for the house and then lease it back to the occupier to continue living in for 30 years. I have met people, usually ones not good with money, who have entered such agreements to get their hands on money to meet mortgage arrears, without losing their home.

MawB2 Mon 14-Sep-20 10:04:53

No but an aunt did. She moved into a small bed,1 sitting room annexe to the house next door and gave her house to her brother and sister in law (my PIL) also leaving it to them in her will.
She had leukaemia and my FIL had had a ruptured aortic aneurysms from which he was lucky to recover. They moved down from Scotland and cared for her until she died the following year. She had no children and was very close to her brother. A sad situation but one which benefited everyone all round.

Callistemon Mon 14-Sep-20 10:06:41

That could be.
It all sounds rather strange.

natasha1 Mon 14-Sep-20 10:07:31

I.agree with most, help them.with advice and go.to council local.housing.authorities if.they are going.to.be homeless the council is duty bound to find them somewhere to live. Whilst this.is.happening get.them ti can and claim.what they are.entitled. and.finally when they are a.little.more secure I would.defnately get.them to look into challenging the will, if they are.on benefits I.am sure they would.get legal.aid with advice for.this.

I.wish them.well, but feel.you.should keep your house, your.pension, you may want.to downsize later to free.up capital for.your.own retirement.xx

Doodledog Mon 14-Sep-20 10:09:45

So what is going to change in the future? If the bungalow has been left to another party, are there other assets to go to your sibling, or have these been seized as proceeds of crime?

To be honest, I wouldn’t want my own money getting mixed up with any of this, although I wouldn’t see either of my siblings on the streets.

Doodledog Mon 14-Sep-20 10:12:34

Also, if councils are still legally obliged to house people, as a number of posters have suggested, why is there such a problem with street sleepers and homelessness? I am not sure that there is still an obligation now that council houses have been sold.