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Do you wonder how much time you have left?

(118 Posts)
Foxglove77 Fri 26-Mar-21 18:50:10

Without being morbid and in my late 50s I have been wondering how much time I may have left. 20 more Christmases? I know nothing is a given and I am grateful for the life I've had so far, but am just interested to know if this has crossed your mind and what your thoughts are?

Shelflife Fri 16-Apr-21 10:01:48

I do worry about it , in my 70s . My life is lucky I know that so I am taking MOnica's advise and trying not to think about it till I reach 90!!!
I have a twin sister and always been 'together' since conception! Not identical but very close , we live reasonably near to each other now. Can't imagine life without her . On a happier note I am going to enjoy this beautiful spring weather ! Keep safe everyone.

Witzend Fri 16-Apr-21 09:36:52

My mother went on to 97, but since she had dementia for about her last 15 years, that’s not something I want to emulate.

Whatever age I might be lucky enough to reach, I just pray that I will still be self sufficient - the thought of being dependent on anyone else fills me with dread. I’d rather go a bit sooner than a bit later, if that meant I needed help with personal care and/or was a worry or a burden to my lovely dds - who I know would be happy to help me.
But having been through it myself with elderly relatives, that is one thing I emphatically don’t want to land them with.

Whitewavemark2 Fri 16-Apr-21 09:27:03

Live for the day everyone!

Shelflife Fri 16-Apr-21 09:06:24

I too worry about how much longer I have , in my 70s and think I waste too much time with these thoughts! Have a twin sister , not identical but we are very close . She has always been
' with ' me even when we lived some distance from each other. I don't know how I would cope us she died before me. Enough of that Shelflife , it's a beautiful day ! Will be outside enjoying it. Keep well everyone.

Buffybee Mon 29-Mar-21 13:13:17

I don’t actually think about when my number will be up because I am determined to live reasonably healthily to at least 90 ?

larry5 Mon 29-Mar-21 13:06:10

I do worry sometimes about death but mainly because I want to be around until my grandson grows up. At the baby shower for him we were asked to write something for him when he was 18 and that made me realise I would be 85 when he reached 18 so although my mother lived 85 and my father, who had parkinsons for 35 years, lived to 91 I was still worried.

My grandson's other grandmother was 57 at the baby shower but none of us knew that she already had the brain tumour that killed her which was actually found three weeks before he was born and that she would die within three months.

I feel that I need to keep myself as fit and healthy to make sure that my grandson has one grandmother for as long as possible.

Jane43 Mon 29-Mar-21 12:35:03

I do but DH won’t discuss it at all. I have made a book with details of what to do if I go first as I take care of all the finances and he would need guidance to cope on his own. I have tried to get him to write things down for me as he takes care of everything to do with technology and other practical matters such as the water and electricity supplies and the gas boiler, he says he will one day but I am still waiting for him to do it. We are both 77 and also fear dementia because of the burden it would place on the other partner. Apart from the odd memory lapse we seem to be OK.

sodapop Mon 29-Mar-21 12:34:08

I have no family history to draw on so I've convinced myself I will live healthily until I'm 100.smile
It's not something I worry about normally but during lockdown I have felt I'm wasting precious time.

Shinamae Mon 29-Mar-21 12:26:50

I totally agree about time going so fast calendar girl, the last 20 years have just flown by and in another 20 years if I make it I will be 88 and that time will probably go even quicker, it’s very scary but nothing to be done about it obviously....

Calendargirl Mon 29-Mar-21 12:23:50

It’s nearly 17 years since my mum died, aged 92. I suppose that is my benchmark, when I imagine I might die.

24 years to go.

Trouble is, these last 17 years have gone so quickly! Why is that?

I was 17 when I met my future husband, those first 17 years seemed much longer than these last ones.

confused

Shinamae Mon 29-Mar-21 12:20:26

I work hard in a care home and look after my residents to the best of my ability, it is hard work but I do enjoy it and take pride in looking after the residents and I take exception to being called patronising!!....?

B9exchange Mon 29-Mar-21 12:13:55

It's not so much death that bothers me, although permanent separation from family would hurt them, but the process of going. I fear dementia dreadfully. My mother had it, and the loss of dignity with awareness through lucid moments, and the hallucinations and frustration of short term memory loss would be intolerable. Nor could I take being incarcerated in a care home with well meaning but patronising staff! I have lost three friends over the past year, none Covid, but all three were instant deaths in their sleep, no prior conditions. That's the way to go! ?

Witzend Mon 29-Mar-21 11:44:39

I dare say it’s a lot more likely once your friends start popping off. During the past 5 years or so we’ve lost 6 old friends - all male - one was only 69, last Christmas Eve, and had apparently been fine - that was the worst shock.
Dh and I are both early 70s and generally pretty healthy, touch wood - but you can’t help thinking about it sometimes.

One thing we did at the beginning of lockdown one, was update our wills, in case Covid wiped us both out.

CafeAuLait Mon 29-Mar-21 10:51:41

Sometimes it would be nice to know, so we know when not to worry! I'm waiting for an appointment with the breast clinic over what is likely a benign condition. I was about to sign up to a class I've been wanting to do that is now being offered, but turned back at the pay button. Hopefully they will still have places if all is well in a few weeks and I don't feel like everything is up in the air.

PamelaJ1 Mon 29-Mar-21 07:27:28

Yes, but not in an upsetting way. My DD died of a stroke at 75 and he was always very concerned about his health and tried to avoid that outcome. His DD died at 75 from a stroke too. He spent all those years worrying and it still happened. We reckon he was the healthiest man of his age at the funeral?
My DM is 92 and as healthy as can be so I intend to take after her.
I do work with quite a few ladies who have are in their late 80s and my oldest client is 95. After that age quality of life seems to deteriorate and life becomes harder. In my experience anyway.

So that’s when I will be ready. Not sure what I can do about it though. Go and sit in the snow with a bottle of gin?

GrannyRose15 Mon 29-Mar-21 00:56:41

I do sometimes but having come through two serious illnesses both of which could have proved fatal, there doesn't seem a lot of point in worrying about it. The worst time for me was when my contemporaries started dying: my cousins and people I had worked with.

This year has been a little difficult because my DFiL died when he was 69. Exactly the age my DH is now. It does make you think. But hopefully not too much. There's lots to enjoy about life.

muse Mon 29-Mar-21 00:00:34

LauraNorder

My mother had dementia, my younger sister has it and is about to go in to a home.
I hope for a long and healthy life but don’t fear death.
I do fear life with dementia though.

I fear the same but hope for the same as you.

I used to worry about dying quite a lot before I met the 'to be' MrM when we were in our mid 60s. We're now 71 and 72 and hope we have plenty of years left together.

nadateturbe Sun 28-Mar-21 22:53:17

I think it was Seneca, the stoic, who said we should all contemplate death for a minute or two every day to lessen the fear of it - to contemplate it briefly and then put it aside?

Good idea!

grandmajet Sun 28-Mar-21 22:39:08

I remember death once being described as like leaving the cinema before the end of the film. That’s what bugs me a bit - I won’t know what happens next. Does that sound a bit silly?
Also the thought that my loved ones will be upset and I won’t be here to comfort them. ?

Urmstongran Sun 28-Mar-21 21:10:58

A poignant post Greeneyedgirl. Thank you for illustrating our shared belief so much better than I. x

LauraNorder Sun 28-Mar-21 21:09:41

My mother had dementia, my younger sister has it and is about to go in to a home.
I hope for a long and healthy life but don’t fear death.
I do fear life with dementia though.

Urmstongran Sun 28-Mar-21 21:07:16

MOnica that post about the death of your sister is heartbreaking. ?

I think as regards death itself, it’s nothing to fear. The same as we didn’t ‘know’ our nothingness before we were born. Same same.

It’s the manner of dying that scares us. How we get to be dead. Some are fortunate and have a peaceful and ‘good’ death. Some are not so lucky. Pain control also isn’t an exact science and so thinking about that can cause anxiety.

Mostly however we all focus fleetingly, on what we will miss when it’s the end of our time here.

It doesn’t do to ruminate for too long.

I think it was Seneca, the stoic, who said we should all contemplate death for a minute or two every day to lessen the fear of it - to contemplate it briefly and then put it aside?

M0nica Sun 28-Mar-21 20:40:04

Urmstongran I do have religious beliefs, but I do not I believe in the idea of meeting all one's loved ones in heaven.

I am entirely pragmatic about it, what happens after death, if anything, will happen. No idea what it will be, why have hopes or fears of it?

We all know that death will come sooner or later. I am currently commorating the 30th anniversary of the death of my sister in a road accident. She was in her mid-40s and on the edge of making a major career change.

Being practical, I am making sure that whatever years are left to me, I am healthy and well for as long as possible. I come from a long lived and healthy family, so I hope to go on for a long time yet, but, like my sister death could come when it is least expected.

Daisend1 Sun 28-Mar-21 13:02:45

I don't want to think about it. sad

timetogo2016 Sun 28-Mar-21 12:49:04

Yes pretty much every day,especially as my mother died at 61,the age i am now,my father died at 56,my sister at 57 who was 3 yrs older than me,my brother also at 57 who was 3 yrs younger than me so i think i`m not far off popping my clogs.
Fingers x`d i shall not follow in the same footsteps,but who knows .
I make the most of everyday,JUST IN-CASE.