Daughter in law uncomfortable with people holding her baby .

Mediterranean side of my family all just dive-bombed cuddles on babies, young people and old. Not so much the British side. Guess you just have to go with the flow. Child will soon be older and have her own opinions!

Tergly

Fleurpepper

I agree! It is not abnormal to want to hold a grandchild. Most babies get held by all members of the family. I wonder if there is some underlying pnd.

... I had no postnatal depression and even with baby 5 I didn't really want anyone to hold them other than me or their father and, in retrospect was probably very mean with them. I loathed having "help" from anyone unless I had specifically asked for help too Edith81 - so whilst you liked that and probably encouraged it , I most certainly didn't.

I felt my husband and I were a "team" and could cope with anything and everything.
I know I am super-lucky that we have weathered everything so far.
If I had my time again I might allow my mother more "baby holding" but at the time I honestly couldn't think why she needed to.

I have never asked to hold my grandchildren. I have offered help and backed off if not required. I have cooked "ready meals" and am always available in an emergency and often have grandchildren over "to play".

I make a point of regularly telling my daughter-in-law what a great mum she is (and yes, she really loves her little ones), but I know she feels she sometimes thinks she isn't kerping all the balls in the air at once.. I hope, and believe, I support their little family from a respectful place.

All families are different. When we become grandparents we have no idea how our offspring will parent.
We should be led by them.
We have had our "turn" with our own babies.
I think, bonbon you will soon learn the best way to support your dear little family in the way that suits them best

There is no way she will be going back to work in November!! And yes, sitting in the dark with no noise all the time is unhealthy and unnatural. Ask any health worker

When my Aussie GD was born (first, and only child, from a donor egg, IVF, mum 42) I was told that I had to have a German Measles jab before I flew over to visit. There was a bit of an epidemic going on at the time. I knew that this was an extreme reaction, but went along with it, just to keep her happy. I understood just how protective they were feeling about their special child.
The Covid epidemic has possibly had the same effect in your situation. They're probably worried about you passing on an infection. At least you are being allowed to visit. Just go with the flow, and accept whatever ground rules the parents are laying down. They will relax as they grow in confidence, and the baby grows older. My DD laughs, now, at how intense she felt when the baby first arrived, but I can understand why she behaved so protectively.
I'm sure that, in a little while, you will get lots of cuddles and be much more involved with your granddaughter. Be patient.

Whoops! Sorry. I mean your grandson!

Your DIL has experienced trauma and loss on her journey to motherhood. That didn’t vanish when her son was born. And, there’s still a pandemic happening. It’s completely understandable, imo, that she’s protective of her child.

And the thing of it is, holding baby by visitors is solely for the visitor’s benefit. Baby has no object permanence. It doesn’t bond with anyone but it’s caregivers for the first while.

So, Mom isn’t harming baby in the slightest by not allowing people to hold baby for extended periods.

Give her support and understanding, and things will work out.

A very precious baby - Yes, I know most babies are precious, but with a history of miscarriage and then going through the whole trauma of IVF, this is very special.

Obviously, your DiL is going to be intense and nervous. With my first baby, I was totally convinced he was deaf and even got him referred at a few weeks old to a specialist. Nothing of the sort, just me being totally neurotic.

The best way of helping is to ask what jobs around the house you can do, ironing, meal planning/preparing, shopping, window cleaning, grass cutting. Let the new parents just enjoy these first magical months with their first, previous baby.

Congrats on being g.parents, just enjoy it.

Good advice franbern.
Supporting and loving the parents will benefit everyone.

When I was a first time Nana I took advice from friends who already had Grandchildren. As a result, I only gave advice when asked and took my lead from my daughter and son in law as to what they wanted doing or not doing.
Incidentally, welcome to the best club in the world !