Granny12, I`m so sorry about the loss of your husband. My husband died last October, we`d been married for just over 53 (sometimes tumultuous) years. Since he died, I found out that I had been entitled to a pension for the previous 7 years, so it was backdated, and I accepted a very nice lump sum, which I`m spending on various jobs around the house that have been needed for a long time, but no cash to do them. But every now and then I feel so guilty, because he isn`t here to take advantage of these things. Most days I`m fine, but am still prone to crying episodes when alone.