How do you make new friends in later life?

That's the million dollar question, it seems. There was a big thread on the same subject a while back: it seems a lot of people have friends, some have none, but a very rare few have a real, good, 'talk about to anything' friend.
I'm afraid I've no advice, because I'm in the 'friendless' category.

Are you happy as you are? I have a couple of acquaintances who are quite happy without friends but this lady isn't happy. I'm useless to help really cos I've got friends from school days, friends from when my children were small, friends from my interests, friends from church-all different but great all the same. Some I've known for a long time and some only a couple of years. So there's always someone if I want to meet up.

One has to make an effort. My old friends are scattered all over the country so I do not have anybody who I can ring and say, fancy coffee or lunch. I have made friends at my local Macular Society but I do not encourage full or partial sight loss to gain friends!

For over 3 years now I have met up monthly with 3-4 other GNs for coffee. That takes effort to organise but we get on so well together.

I was a member of the Townswomens Guild but it broke up and because I have had so much done to my house recently I have not had a chance to look for anywhere else.

She works full time but there are some evening WIs also.

Does she live in a busy city/town? Has she got transport because that can be a problem. She has to make an effort and look around, nobody will come knocking on her door.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family.....we were set a pretty poor example by our parents about making friends. Its taken me a long time but it suddenly dawned on me that you have to give of yourself without expecting anything back to really connect.
Being brave and volunteering helped - I just thought about what I could do and pushed myself. After a few months of putting others first I suddenly realised I was actually really connecting with people.
I shall never be the sort of person who has a mad social whirl because deep down I know that sometimes I just do not feel up to being in company. Funnily enough even though its my choice not to mix I can still feel lonely.....but I'm just not up to being sociable sometimes. Its almost as if its just too much hard work.
That being said the few friends I have slowly acquired over the last few years are through getting involved and helping others or sharing an interest and we can easily pick up where we've left of if we do not see each other for months. Also just striking up a conversation with someone can eventually lead to something - an acquaintance rather than a bosom friend but a familiar cheery smile is always a mood lifter.

When I retired, I thought it would be as easy making new friends in my older years as it had been in my younger ones. Unfortunately, six months prior to my retirement, my second best friend died and six months after my very best friend died. It did leave me bereft and feeling alone.
I did charity work, joined different local groups, etc. However, although I made lots of aquaintences, none of them became friends.
Do think that friendship is based on common, shared experiences.
Still have one friend from old times fairly nearbye, but do not like to see her too often and wear out our friendship. My SiL, with whom I was also very close moved far away last year and although I can now go and spend a few days with her every so often, it is not the same as having someone I could just drop into for a cup of coffee and a chat.
I do feel pretty friendless these days, but have to accept it is part of the price of going older.

Join U3A - if there is an active one they will have groups for every interest. Another really good organisation is the NWR (National Women's Register) -just google it. It started off for young women at home with children, but they don't have time these days and the original members are still there- generally 60+
Volunteering is the easiest way to get to know people because it gives you something to do.
I moved to an area where I knew no one once I retired and have found it the easiest time in my life to make friends- everyone has time.
It depends on your hobby- I have just joined the local family history group.

I certainly shouldn't accept it as being part of growing older!

NWR website here
This is the organisation that I would really recommend for getting beyond acquaintances to friends.

Not sure the link worked try again NWR

Sorry - second one should work.

I've never felt the need for close friends, although I do like to socialise with other like minded people. I joined our local "knit and natter" group. We meet every Wednesday in the library with our knitting, crochet, cross stitch or whatever project we have on the go. Have a cup of tea and a good chat. It's all the social interaction I need. Perhaps your friend could do something like that as a way to make friends.

Franbern I do feel for you. my best friend of over 30 years has not died -her body lives on- but she has dementia. She's not the person she was and hasn't been for 5 years. I miss her terribly and often come back from visiting in tears. I sit at the wheel of my car and cry my heart out as I don't want to show my family how I feel. They do know but its not news for eveyday and once home I can chat about other things.

We met here in Germany, both being English in German-English families. When our children were teenagers we used to sit for hours complaining about them in a very English way with black humour. That would have been impossible with German friends who are very loyal to their families and would not criticise them outside the family.
That perfect understanding was something we had from the beginning and every meeting either for coffee or a day out shopping was full of shared laughter and now she is gone.

I now have a couple of friends but actually no one to take her place.
I wish I could give advice but actually meeting such a friend is like falling in love. You are lucky to meet someone you like who likes you and has time for you. Often these very close friends were made when you were at school or work and when you're retired it is not so easy.
But not impossible.....but its takes time.

Thanks for all your suggestions. As she still works full time-and will have to for many years yet- she isn't around in the day. I'm in U3A but I thought it was for retired/part time workers so, again, it wouldn't work for her.
She was a brilliant badminton player and on her local "meet up" group there are badminton groups but mostly at 7.30 when she won't have been home long.

I've sort of discovered that I seem to have accrued a whole new social circle since I've retired. Not something I deliberately set out to do though.
If you go out and about, join groups of various sorts, learn some new activity etc it gradually happens. You do have to make the effort though. I continued some work on a voluntary basis too.
If I want a day to myself I can have one or if I want to get out and about and meet people I can too. There's something about the luxury of time that helps. Maybe your SiL will be fine when the time comes. Don't deliberately set out to make 'friends'.

Not everyone lives in an area where there are lively groups to join we used to have a very healthy college (hobby courses) but they have all gone with the cuts I have a best friend I can tell anything to but she's ten years older than me so I don't know how I ll manage if anything happened to her I have two other close friends but they both have husbands I meet up with others for lunch or coffee dates but they are not all on my wavelength we do have a u3a but I m told it's really cliquey I joined an art/ craft group but everyone had gone with friends and no one was open to a single joining in There was lots of in jokes and ' outside the group' chat and although I stayed about 6 months it wasn't that comfortable

I found the U3A bridge group was good for socialising. There's something about a shared focus that helps. I like the tea and chat breaks best. Now I can play a bit I'm enjoying social bridge :lunch and a blether then a few games of bridge. Lovely. Maybe it helps that I'm rubbish at it so make others seem very good!

Ooh bluebell it makes my blood boil when I hear of groups not being welcoming! Grr!
I joined a local choir a couple of years ago, turned up asked where my part were, pointed to a row (not many people had arrived) asked the lady at the end if this was the row for my part-"yes but all those seats are taken"! So where shall I sit then? Try at the end of the row. So. . . . I asked someone else where it got my music, in room next door. . . .well, it takes a lot to put me off, in fact I saw them as something of a challenge. Now a group of us from my part meet up from time to time for meals etc and I jolly well make sure if there's anew face we make her welcome, find her a seat, get her music, ask at the end how she got on and look forward to seeing her the next week. It's not hard to make folks welcome just takes a little effort and it pays off!

HildajenniJ I also go to a knit and natter group which fortunately is more of knit and raucous laughter group.

I tried one with the U3A but they were po faced beyond belief. No humour or silliness I just know my sense of humour would not go down well .
My best friend emigrated several years ago and I do not have a confidante.

I am like your sister in law Newquay. I have no friends whatsoever. I work alone most of the time in a small office at the front of an engineering workshop. Sometimes I am happy just to see the postman and days do get quite lonely. I don't have a dog but do force myself to go for walks along the beach etc. but no-one would talk to a woman on her own would they? I did join my local WI (which I love) but that's only one evening a month and I am rarely able to take part in other activities due to work and family commitments.
It would be nice to have a friend to talk to and share things with so I can totally understand how your SiL has become depressed but you can't force anyone to do something they aren't comfortable with. I don't have anyone to blame for my situation but myself, so just have to make the best of it I suppose.

When I retired a couple of years ago I was really looking forward to joining the local U3A. I found it so unwelcoming, most of them were either with their partners or in their own little cliques and not open to let others join them. I went to the meetings for several months then stopped going as I felt so uncomfortable. I do go on some of the days out now and again and theatre trips but find I have sort of withdrawn and try and make it look like I am better off on my own. I think I have dug myself into a hole now. It isn't easy.

Alima wrote " I have sort of withdrawn and try and make it look like I am better off on my own. I think I have dug myself into a hole now. It isn't easy"

Oh how I relate to this. It could have been me writing .

Gillybob perhaps we should have a ne meet up.

Yes perhaps we should Stansgran

Any U3A group is only as friendly as the people in it. It's nothing to do with U3A itself. Friendliness is a 2 way thing. Smile. Laugh at people's jokes. Ask questions. Show an interest in others. I'm sure you do all do this but it's worth repeating I guess.