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Cabin fever with adult children

(60 Posts)
LynG6 Tue 05-May-20 11:13:13

Morning all, so glad I found this group, this is my first post! Anyone else climbing the walls having their adult children at home 24/7 during this pandemic? I was widowed in 2013 so it’s just me and my daughter who is living here while she saves for a deposit. Most of the time we get on great but this lockdown is proving to be difficult. She is extremely anxious about schools reopening (she’s a teacher) and I’m getting the backlash, moods and tears. My sympathy is wearing thin!
I’m constantly judged, when the postie brings a parcel ‘what have you ordered now?’, I can’t put anything down without her getting the anti bac spray out...like my home is filthy...not! And heaven forbid, yesterday our lovely gardener came and I offered to leave her a coffee on the step....wow did I get told in no uncertain terms! Anyone else going through this or can relate?

Shizam Wed 06-May-20 20:05:32

Don’t imagine harsh words such as ‘my house, my rules’ are going to make living together easier. Talking when you’re both reasonably calm may help. Maybe on a walk. Always found it easier to talk to someone in troubled times when we weren’t face to face. In the garden in the dark was a good one. Possibly with blankets! And tea and biccies!
Best of luck. Do hope you can solve to be a happier house.
I have an adult son here. Luckily, we seem to rub along quite well. But understand how difficult it is for them, and for us.

Willitwork Wed 06-May-20 21:09:52

Give her this to read. smile

Hetty58 Wed 06-May-20 21:20:11

I've heard a lot of pitying, sympathetic comments about people 'all on their own' in this crisis. I've also heard constant sniping and rows from a few doors down (couple and adult son isolating).

If any of my children were here, I doubt we'd be getting along. I was invited to stay by both a daughter and sister at the beginning of lockdown. 'No thanks', I said - perhaps a bit too quickly!

Baloothefitz Wed 06-May-20 22:55:07

It is wonderful to self isolate & have no appointments to make or attend & no adult children's tune to jump to .

Atqui Wed 06-May-20 23:25:01

Avalon and Icanhandthemback well said

pengwen Thu 07-May-20 00:36:22

Have similar experience ,DD and partner both here .
Husband too.
It could become a volcano,so trying to be tolerant .

They are waiting to move into a house, they are in the process of buying,only waiting for the house move solicitors to be able to proceed
Trying to keep things as calm as possible.

I now am worried about empty nest syndrome when they move though.
She is a teacher too!

kitnsimon Thu 07-May-20 06:57:54

Teachers are still getting full pay. The majority are working hard from home setting work for their students via the internet. One would expect this daughter to be so busy doing this that she would. ot have time to criticise her long suffering,
kind mum !!!

Furret Thu 07-May-20 07:24:29

Of course she is anxious about schools reopening. This has not been thought through and your daughter will know how impossible social distancing is especially if she works with younger children. PPE will be needed but we know how limited this is.

Luckily there is better guidance coming through from professional unions.

If your daughter is to be exposed to Covid19 there is a very real risk she could bring it back into your house.

How about you both sit down with a cup of tea and cake and have a quiet mother to daughter chat about her fears. You night find that she is concerned about your health too as you might be in a vulnerable age group.

Confrontation is never the answer and understanding one another is the more mature approach.

NotSpaghetti Thu 07-May-20 08:04:40

I can't believe some of the derogatory comments here regarding the daughter.
Teachers are people too and the ones I know, as well as trying to prepare numerous remote lessons and marking etc are afraid of going back to work.

That said, I'm obviously sorry that LynG6 is having such a tough time, but her daughter is obviously trying to control the things she feels she may be able to.

She may be feeling that if she can't keep her home environment safe (Lyn's home) what chance does she have at school? And stories from schools that are still open are NOT encouraging.

Could you sit down calmly with her Lyn and ask her gently about her fears and exactly what she needs you to do for her to feel safe? Personally I would not be confrontational as that will undoubtedly make things worse. By being sympathetic and finding out calmly what she thinks you should be doing (and agreeing to some of them) you may be able to live more harmoniously till this is all over.

Good luck.