I intensely dislike christmas.

I too don't like the run up to Xmas. I have six children who are all grown up but I think I set the bar too high when they were little. Oh for the days when you could go into 'Woolies' and stock up on toys, clothes, sweets, CD's and selection boxes/stockings so they all had a big pile of presents to wake up to on Xmas mornings. Now it's presents that look like nothing but cost the earth. They all say they don't expect so much but its not that easy. Old habits die hard

No you're not alone. EDS is so tiring too.
I love the build up but the day itself, these days leaves me deflated. Each year - being a positive person I always think it's going to be better. Lol.
Hope you find time for yourself & let the rest of the family take over.
For the last few years I take myself off for a 'nap' - I've only just turned 60 but it gives us all a break.
In the past they would go out for a walk whilst I 'regrouped'
Lots of love x

Don't feel bad, I hate it too, it's cost me so much stress over the years, low wage/single mum=double stress! Being a grandma now (and a rotten cook!) is less stressful but I hate all the pressure. Why not ask your daughter to invite you to hers? Explain how you feel? Maybe help her with dinner?
Or just run away.... Every year I fantasise about running off to a non Christian country and read and travel... and sleep!

Just tell your daughter that you're not up to doing Christmas any more. It's a pity that you feel you can't really your grandsons off. My daughter has given me a list of behaviour that require punishment, not doing what he's told to do and answering back are two that come to mind. Punishments are either screen time reduction which includes TV and the naughty chair. He rarely needs it though because we all treat him in the same way he knows his boundaries. Perhaps you could ask your daughter of she would tell her son's that they need to behave differently at your house, play the poor me my joints are so bad card if you need to.

I think I’d just have to say I wasn’t going to host at all. People can offer help on ‘the day’, but you still have to think about having plates, dishes, glasses, chairs etc ready, and all the other ‘extras’ a meal involves, not least the clearing up, and returning your home to what it was before the invasion!

Grannyscrooge, you are unhappy with the situation, and you also say that your son hates it. Please try to pluck up the courage to tell your daughter that you are no longer up to this, and that in the future, you will not be hosting Christmas.

The very fact that your daughter still takes it for granted that it is you, rather than her, who makes Christmas happen, suggests to me that it's not just the grandchildren who are spoiled little gits.

It's time to tactfully but firmly tell her that you are no longer up to this, and that a 'new normal' (possibly, but not necessarily where she takes on the responsibility herself) needs to be established.

Good luck. I hope you manage to change things and have the sort of Christmas that you want next year.

I quite understand that some people don't like Christmas especially when it involves the work that Grannyscrooge describes with little appreciation and no help. I love Christmas but that is my personal choice. Some people like Summer and not Winter, pop music and not opera, historical books and not fiction, eating but not cooking etc. It is all about personal taste and what we enjoy and do not enjoy. Nobody should have to do anything because it is expected we have to make a decision about what feels right for us and what does not. Yes Grannyscrooge in your situation I would want to run away until it was all over. Just talk to your family about what you would like for this Christmas and future Christmases rather than doing everything to please others all the time, you need to start putting your own needs first

Yes I agree. It is over commercialised, people grabbing all the food they can. I hate it. Christmas has changed, children’s expectations are unreasonable, wanting the most expensive toys or gadgets out there. I think escaping somewhere is a good idea. We are having Christmas at home alone with our pets, I hope to be able to see relatives in care homes but don’t know yet! We had lovely family Christmases when we were children or are our memories tainted and we were looking through rose tinted glasses, looking back it was a lot of work for our parents but still not the chaos of today.

So sad for you. We really spoilt my Mum after my Dad died, when she came for Xmas. When she passed away, and the kids now grown, even though I participate in their various functions, I am always so relieved when it’s over. I feel the loss of so many loved ones at this time and although I love being with kids and grandkids, I just feel lonely! I do tend to do most of the cleaning up afterwards!! So grannyscrooge, just hang in there and get through it the best way you can. I guess a change of venue to your daughter’s would be too much of a challenge for your son?

So sorry you are having a hard time at Christmas, it sounds as if you are too giving, allowing everyone else to enjoy themselves at your expense. Not all children are delightful, some are spoilt and difficult, and you are not getting the consideration you deserve. Can you have a real talk with your daughter about your health etc (no need to mention the children) ?

Trodden. Not 'trod'.

I think there's a fine line to be trod between, on one hand, letting them get away with some things, and, on the other hand, really doing damage. I remember desperately 'sucking it up' when my two were little and used to use the sofa as an indoor trampoline. And I still have the notch on my (then brand new) kitchen door from when GS stomped round the kitchen, waving the fire poker. Still have the sofa and the kitchen door, and they're just fine.

That’s ok Tweedle24.? It does get confusing sometimes. Yes, we Christians hi jacked the pagan festival. No problem with that. I’m interested in people, and what makes them’ tick’. If people want to celebrate Christmas without acknowledging Jesus, that’s fine, if they’re enjoying themselves. It’s when they’re not that I can’t get my head around! Just do something else, much the same as we would with any religious celebration.

I feel your pain Grannyscrooge. Could you suggest to your daughter that you go to her house for Christmas this year as you don't feel up to it. You could offer to buy or make a Christmas pudding and a few trimmings to make it easier for her. After all she will only have one extra person whereas you will have four.

Toadinthehole I am sorry if I reacted wrongly. Unfortunately, it is one of the disadvantages of the written word as opposed to a face to face conversation. It sounded as though you were criticising Christians for, as you say, ‘high jacking’ the pagan festival.
My apologies

Co they ever help you with dinner, washing up etc.? Could you change Christmas rules this year? Tell your daughter you are looking forward to seeing them Christmas but because of the severe pain you are in, you will need help with the dinner preparation and cooking, and keeping the children busy with colouring/games etc. Could you involve the children in the cooking, they will love it? Tell your daughter if they open the cupboards and pull everything out, she or they will have to help tidy up as it's hard for you. That is certainly not unreasonable. If your daughter thinks it is, you may get a quiet Christmas after all! It just may be that she hasn't thought of the repercussions each year for you. I hope you can come to an arrangement that is wonderful for you all.

Moonlight113

Does anyone actually know what the term "git" means? Seems harmless enough to me.

To me it's more of a jokey term. Not one I ever use though, for no particular reason.

I think OP was just venting and doesn't use that term in front of her GC.

Sorry MissAdventure. I guess threads just wander sometimes.

janeainsworth ? Yes. Not surprised it's deemed "unparliamentary language".

Interesting about it being derived from 'beget' therefore suggesting the 'bastard' origin. I've never thought of that before.

Guess it's one of those things that can mean different things to different folk. ?‍♀️

I’m bemused that we have 12 pages answering an Op who has returned once in a bit of a huff then vanished! I don’t think there many, if any, negative responses . I stick to my original thought.....

So sorry missadventure.
I didn’t realise we weren’t allowed to answer direct questions on threads.

How to spectacularly miss the point of the op.

Moonlight This is what wikipedia says about the word:

"Git is a term of insult with origins in English denoting an unpleasant, silly, incompetent, annoying, senile, elderly or childish person. As a mild oath it is roughly on a par with prat and marginally less pejorative than berk. Typically a good-natured admonition with a strong implication of familiarity, git is more severe than twit or idiot but less severe than wanker, arsehole or twat when offence is intended.

The word git first appeared in print in 1946, but is undoubtedly older. It is originally an alteration of the word get, dating back to the 14th century. A shortening of beget, get insinuates that the recipient is someone's misbegotten offspring and therefore a bastard. In parts of northern England, Northern Ireland and Scotland get is still used in preference to git.

The word has been ruled by the Speaker of the House of Commons to be unparliamentary language."

So there you have it.

I'll leave you to decide if it's a word you'd choose to use when referring to your own grandchildren.

Does anyone actually know what the term "git" means? Seems harmless enough to me.

Sympathise with Grannyscrooge, I think Christmas is very overdone, very hard work for whoever is hosting it.