Relatives and covid

Our problem is that MIL lives alone. We do not want to deny her support, but she has a carer each morning for a medical procedure, and regularly visits houses in her village, or goes off in people's cars. So we and her daughter have refused to bubble with her, and will not go and sit in and chat, and are only prepared to drop off shopping. One ends up feeling guilty either way! We are in tier 2, probably 3 soon.

Just stick to what you feel comfortable with Blondie49. DH and I have not seen family or most friends since March as we are in the slight risk category. We may never know if we might have only had the mild version of Covid but prefer to stay away from everyone rather than having long term or permanent effects from catching it.

SueSocks - good on you! Stick to your principles and do as we are being advised to do. If people cannot stop being selfish even in a world pandemic and stick to guidelines heaven help us! Common sense really, which is not so common anymore.

I do feel that those who choose to stay at home and avoid others are criticised as being over the top or paranoid. Those who chose to mix more with others and prefer to be out and out about albeit with care are criticised for seeing too many people and taking risks.
My own feeling is that we all need to do what suits us and stop judging others either way.
I am one of the former and am sick of being told by the latter that I need to get on with life. I am getting on with life, my life in my way.
Please note that I’m not referring to the people who deliberately flout the restrictions, I hold them largely responsible for the rise in numbers.
To the original poster I would do what you feel most comfortable doing and ignore those with the opposite view.

I've been thinking about the people who try to encourage others to disregard the advice and rules.

I think it's a childish sort of thing where they know they're doing the wrong thing but they want others to do it too. Then they can justify their actions by saying "Well other people do it."

They can't discipline themselves so they want other people to be as weak as they are.

It's really quite immature.

LauraNorder - I could have written that myself! I entirely agree. My daughters both work in a school and so won't come anywhere near me unless we are in the garden and well spaced. And they respect my decisions regarding isolation, although my youngest often leaves, hiding tears, because she desperately wants a hug. We need to live (as we see fit) and let live (as others see fit)

Illte

I've been thinking about the people who try to encourage others to disregard the advice and rules.

I think it's a childish sort of thing where they know they're doing the wrong thing but they want others to do it too. Then they can justify their actions by saying "Well other people do it."

They can't discipline themselves so they want other people to be as weak as they are.

It's really quite immature.

I agree. It reminds me of teenage bullies who goad others to run across railway lines and accuse them of being chicken if they don't.

Yes growstuff, bullying and gaslighting too.
All kinds of comments to make people doubt themselves.

Possibly the "but I'm afraid for your mental health" is the most insidious.

I have a bit of a problem with my in laws . They come to us every boxing day but they are going to my sister in laws on Christmas day , were there will be 11 people . I'm not willing to put mine or my family health at risk but they are both in ill health and this Christmas could be there last . I'm hoping there is going to be a lock down , so I don't end up looking the bad person , when I don't want them here after mixing with the other 11 . The only other thing I can do is have them on Christmas Eve , which is already busy day for me getting the last bits of food ready for Christmas . If I change the day to Christmas Eve I'm still going to be the bad person , so I am in a no win situation . All my husband can say is shall I tell them you don't want them to come . Although he agrees with me that our health could be at risk .

Bustertank abiding by the rules and keeping yourself and others safe does not make you a bad person. Stick to your principles. There is no way I would consider entertaining anyone let alone a couple who had spent the previous day indoors with eleven others.

Better bad than dead?

I think they’d be too polite to say that to me, even if they thought it. If that’s happening, is there a compromise you can come to? I think it’s good to go out and see people when restrictions allow but completely breaking the rules obviously isn’t on.

I feel fairly optimistic about a vaccine, and so I think by next summer things could be largely more relaxed. I don't think we'll ever go totally back to how we were before, because all our eyes have been opened about how suddenly a new unexpected pandemic can spring up and I think most of us are going to be more cautious about washing our hands and crowd hygiene for a long long time.

A lot of people say "we've never managed to make a vaccine for the other coronaviruses we get so why would this time be successful?" The reason I think it has more chance is that previously coronaviruses have either been just normal colds and no one really wanted to prioritise funding for an illness that is quite mild. Then with the original SARS and MERS, they didn't turn into pandemics because people got very sick very quickly and went to hospital before they had a chance to infect many people. So it was cheaper to contain by isolation than by mass vaccination. This particular coronavirus is a real b***er for disguising itself as a mild cold until we have passed it on to loads of people, some of whom might die from it

I am extremely careful about having contact with anybody, relatives or not.

I used to have my granddaughters for the weekend very often and I miss them like mad. After they returned to school we agreed to meet up in a pub garden but it was very cold and my son (their dad) persuaded me to go inside with them. It was my youngest granddaughters birthday and I had bought her a children’s play make up set and she immediately proceeded to try to put some on my face! I —jokingly— said ‘get off me, superspreader,’ Since then I have said I don’t want contact while they’re attending school because I am convinced that’s what is causing the second wave.

Were due to be visited by our GCs last night for the week, but we were cautious and decided it was best for them to stay at home ( they live 4 hours away), none of us were very happy about it but decided it was for the best, other relatives thought that we were over cautious.
This morning DD got a phone call from the school saying that DGD has to isolate as his class mate and his family have all tested positive, (5 children at the school tested positive on Thursday) she was asked if she knew where some of his other classmates were spending their holidays as they couldn’t get in touch with them and it was assumed that they had gone away and not left any other phone numbers with the school. So...... spreading it far and wide.

Remember some people maybe goi g out and about and trying to meet up with friends and family when they can because they have not got the luxury of being able to wait for the pandemic to be over. There are lots of things other than covid that can limit your life or kill you. I think everyone has to do what they are comfortable with and everyone should respect other people's decisions.

Ellianne

No, but the other way round. We have a friend who is too wary to meet with us despite our being ultra careful and living in a low risk area. I think she has been scared silly and it isn't good for this sort of thing to happen

Me too. My daughter is, I think, over cautious and is putting extra restrictions even beyond government guidelines onto me and my DH. As a consequence I am not "allowed" to see my two DS s as often as I'd like. It is very wearing.

Yes. 'Oh, I'm not taking much notice of all that' is not an uncommon attitude among my older friends. Whereas others have been in self-imposed isolation since March.

Yes my brother insists I am paranoid and depressed because won't go round for supper. I said I would with social distancing and he said I had to come without....I didn't go ...but hard with close family to argue like this ...

What's my position ? I am in Tier 2 and am choosing to bubble with my daughter who has her own flat she is tier 2.

My brother is Tier 1 and often visits but now I am in tier 2 and that means I am allowed to meet up with him outside I believe. I phoned him a few days ago and told him I am tier 2 now and he did not have a clue what that was. He will still expect to come in for coffee if he calls round to my house but I think he cannot come in now. It's all so complicated.
Please. anyone know if I can go in his flat.

Also if he is still tier 1 would I be allowed to go in his flat even if my area is tier 2?

Perhaps we should all stop asking ‘Am I allowed’ and instead start asking ‘Am I safe’ Am I risking the health of others?

LauraNorder: Sometimes people are so picky when there is no need and just read something into a post and want to be awkward.

Am I allowed, am I safe, am I risking the health of others? it's all the same quite honestly only some of us can be confused when new sets of restrictions come in all the time and we just want to do what is right for the health of all.

LauraNorder - very well said, totally agree.

no. you should not be going into any other houses nor have anyone except essential services in yours.
you can meet outside, but should still keep 6 feet away, or 3 with extra measures, eg masks, screens.
some people meeting in pubs, cafes have been ignoring this, the need to distance, which has been constant, in place since 23rd March. everywhere.