GD terrified of 11+

My granddaughter is in Leeds area. No 11+ but she had to sit what the government call Sat7. This apparently helps to stream them in the comprehensive schools. You have to sit a separate exam for the grammar school which is a few paying one, unless your really clever and get a bursary. I’m not sure she would have had a choice whether to sit the Sat7 or not, but surely if she didn’t that would have made her feel slightly alienated from her classmates.

We live in a Grammar/Secondary Modern area. There are a couple of Comprehensive schools, but they're much further away.
DS went to the Grammar school, as did most of his friends, and it suited all of them.
We didn't put him under any pressure, he looked around the Grammar and the Sec Mod, spoke to teaching staff and present students and made his own mind up that he wanted to go to the Grammar school.
We gave him one practice paper so that he was familiar with the format, but other than that he had no help.
Hm999
DS was not tutored in any way, by his Junior school or us, to pass the 11+, not everyone puts their children under that sort of pressure!
I firmly believe that if they only pass the 11+ with tutoring, they may struggle with the workload at Grammar school, I've seen it happen with a friend's son. Surely they'd be better doing well at Sec Mod than being miserable and stressed at a Grammar.
It sounds as though OP's partner's DGD is being put under pressure by her school, and that needs to stop.
A practice paper or two at home, in a really relaxed atmosphere may help her, but pressure to pass definitely won't!

Blondie 49
I've never heard of a fee paying Grammar school before!

I have 4 GC. My daughter told the school that the two eldest, both boys, would not do the 11+. The eldest starts A levels in a local college on Monday, redoing his Maths & English..
The 12 year old starts a new school, also on Monday, where the aim is to prepare him for independent living, (He has ASD/ADHD).
My 10 yr old GD is also not taking the 11+ next week. My daughter will apply for her to go to a local faith school that has a good Performing Arts programme, (she is a semi professional dancer).
It is doubtful that my 7yr old GD will take the 11+, and she will also go to a faith secondary school when the time is right.
Are they suffering academically because they don't go to Grammar Schools, (We live in Buckinghamshire ), No!. Are they happy at school and with life, Yes.
Theoretically the 10 year old could pass but the grammar school, at the end of her road doesn't offer the subjects she wants.
I think it's up to the individual child and their parents as to whether to permit them to sit, but if the OPs GD IS so stressed I'd casually suggest to her parents to withdraw her, even at this late stage.

11+ is good for those that are genuinely clever, Grammar School on your CV sets you apart from the rest, a prospective employer will take note and give you an interview.
My 10 yr old GD is taking it next week, she is intensely competitive her older brother passed and has every confidence she will too.
Two of my daughters went to Grammar school the middle one didn't and they all went to the right school. Surprisingly the only one to go to Uni was the middle one who with one A level became a Midwife, the others with 3 A levels each joined accountants offices and qualified on the job.

We didn't encourage or discourage them it was always do your best and you will be happy.

Back in the 1960s probably the majority of children took the 11+. I failed and was disappointed but quickly realized that I wouldn't cope with the work. High School I loved, a real swot, close to the top in most subjects and got the expected 5 GCSEs yes 5!.
Got a job in a solicitors office at 16, brilliant, an education in itself, you got to know about everyone else's problems, couldn't say a word though.

If she is bright she will do well at the local comprehensive so why put her through all the anxiety, or perhaps have her parents made her feel that the 11plus is the B all and end all of everything? I went to the grammar school did Ok but some of my friends did not pass the 11 plus, they have done well too

Some good points here already and especially M0nica
I do agree "it's the adults around her" and how they approach this.

Others have said about recognising she will be leaving her friends, so yet another separation for what ?? Good points, well made.

Lots of good points about other options for education and ways to valuable life outcomes so it's not purely about her education.

If, as another poster advised, DGD was to see a professional the only value for DGD in that would be - IF the adults around her made clear statements that she did not have to DO anything to keep their approval/love/acceptance.

IF the adults were willing to listen to what DGD feels/thinks/wants and are willing to respect her wishes - then, and for me, only then, would any counsellor/mentor stand any chance of dealing with her anxiety.

Otherwise any one trying to help could possibly be colluding with the adults to get FROM this child what THEY (the adults) want as an outcome. She would be DO ing this for them.

Sad to say so often someones "Value" is in their DOING not their BEING. We need to feel Valued as the Human Being we are not as a Human Doing.

While this may not be the intention of those around her there is a strong possibility that DGD gets LOST in others expectations.

I think I'd be trying to have that difficult talk about their expectations and the pressure they are putting on this child. In that there is lots of good points to draw on here.

My friend (of the MIL Debt) says "better a happy child willing to learn in a less than good school than an unhappy child to able to learn in a good school."

Good Luck

Don’t take it it’s disgraceful, our children are being stressed over education.

11+ is good for those that are genuinely clever, Grammar School on your CV sets you apart from the rest, a prospective employer will take note and give you an interview.

I am not sure that this would be the case in this day and age as most areas do not have Grammar Schools.
If it was indeed the case, then no Welsh child would ever get an interview for a job, a place at university etc.

Our daughter was the same until a fantastic teacher said "You do realise it's not you they are testing, it's me, whether I have taught you well" - a weight visibly lifted from her shoulders and she never looked back

I thought theyd done away with 11+? IS this just for private school?or sometimes its a similar test used for grammar schools?either she sits it& passes,so she knows shes more clever than she thinks she is(so a confidence boost)or fails and knows her parents&grandparents love her anyway and can sort her out a decent school in their area where if shes clever anyway she gets put in 'higher sets' so it will pan out fine.Private schools maybe a different kettle of fish,so best encourage her no matter what outcome,but leave the descisions to her parents.One of my daughters sailed through grammar school exam,disliked her school yrs,came out with lots of A stars- her younger brother didnt sit test as he was more of a 'doing' child than acedemic- still had a good education,her even younger brother,more acedemic,sat test but "ran out of time"-(i think he engineered this so he could attend our religion school with his his older brother)but i didnt mind,at least he tried,so he too came out with A's,A stars&B's. from high school,went on to 6th form,what im saying is,it largely depends on each child individually,and how they are personally,both at learning,and ability.and the parents know each child best.they know what theyre capable of,or not.please try not to interfere,even her grandad,tempting i know,im a grandma too now,but parents really do have upper hand in this,im sure theyl love her regardless,and they only want whats best for her,so if she doesnt pass theyl sort her out somewhere else where she'l still learn,and be happy.(where she still will get end of year exams every year,and GCSE's and end of year 11,just like every other child.she'l be ok.

Nannan some areas still have state grammar schools so pupils can take the 11+.

Private schools used to have the Common Entrance Exam - is that still the case?

I had one child who went to the grammar school and one who did not. Both had the right school for them.
Children get stressed for all sorts if reasons and the includes pupils who go to comps. I do not think we should blame the 11+.
I do not agree with the replies that say don't take it, if that is the parents wish, she should be encouraged. If she does not do the 11+ she will still have to do sats and other exams.
Children as they grow up will face stress in all situations, it's how they deal with it.
If my children were young today I would put one in for the 11+ but not the other as he was really not bothered or academically intrested.

Poor kid already shy and facing losing her friends. Let her just go were her friends are going.

I'm sticking my neck out and bucking the trend here. Life is about confronting things that are not always going to be pleasant and the satisfaction of taking them on and winning is what makes us stronger more resilient individuals.
I'm with LJP1. Let her try with your loving support and keep it light and non judgemental. I'm rubbish at maths (but did go to a grammar school) and when my granddaughter was struggling we had a laugh and a lot of 'oh nanny you are impossible' when she had to explain to me (especially the newer maths). It built her confidence up no end.

Yes,some posters are correct,in our whole area there was only ONE grammer school,and my daughter didnt mind some of it,but hated the awful brown&yellow uniform,and some of older teachers were strict,and she disliked some of the 'posher' kids who paid to go there as they looked down on kids who won the scholarship places as my daughter and her group of friends did,(even though shes quite well- spoken,and a well mannered person)ive brought my children up to love learning,and books,and always valued their education,there was only one catholic high school in our area too, and as we are of that faith,my other children went there,but often other parents sent their kids there as it was "a good school"-which angered me,as they werent of that faith!There still is only one of each of these schools in that area over 20 years later,one other school called itself a grammar school,but actually wasnt one! Now years later id moved to a different county for my two youngest to attend high schools and theres so much more choice,but theyve always attended religous schools and now my elder is at the number 1 college in the country,(not a relious college although there is one of those here too,)and his brother will follow him there when he leaves school next year.

If she really has to do some of these - make a copy so she is not worried about 'spoiling' the school one and treat it as a puzzle like those you see in the papers. It's what my parents did with me in the '50s (they were both teachers). Puzzles I loved - 'tests' not so much!

Have you tried asking the child why she is so afraid of this test?
Obviously, she does well at school and presumably likes going to school, so either it is her parents' divorce that is the real problem, or otherwise she has somehow got the impression that bad marks in the 11+ will ruin her entire future. This is not the case and you need to make sure she realises this and believes you when you tell her so.

What does her teacher have to say about the matter?Teachers are used to dealing with exam nerves, ranging from this extreme to butterflies in the tummy.

The OP is taking about Sat7 not 11+. Most children have to do this test in year 7 and it is as much about how the school is doing as the child. There is pressure on the teachers to get good results as it reflects on their school and teaching.Many children get upset about it and miss out on a full rounded education as they are trained to do well in the SAT. I called them stats in my other post, sorry.

Most of the posts are not helpful to the OP and it has turned into a discussion about schools and the 11+ rather than the emotion state of the child.

Are there no other children from her present school taking the exam?

I agree that it may be the attitude of the adults around her that are contributing to stress about the exam.
When I sat the 11+ a lot of classmates were promised bikes, watches, all sorts if they passed, what stress! My Mother had nothing to give [not her fault] and I never expected anything, wasn't stressed and passed it anyway.Just tell her to do her best, which is good enough for anyone.

Kids know more than they think they do!yes when im struggling with anything techy my youngest(15) takes over and shows me what to do,or just does it,which boosts him as he knows he can do this,and though he hates exams,and was worried about his end of year ones he smashed his IT GCSE with B (they do it early,then another exam for another for computer science next year)even though he had missed quite a lot of year 10 through illness,getting almost double what others scored who were in school everyday!he was also put in highest sets for science and other classes,so he knew more than he believed he did.It might be that she has same anxiety of exams,but that will be same if she has no matter which school she attends,as they do end of year ones at every school,no matter wether theyre grammar,or private,or religous,or comprehensive!Its more important for her to know you all love her anyway no matter what,and youre proud of her for even trying,so it lifts the expectation off her shoulders.And the teacher who said its her theyre really testing,is a genious,she sounds such a good teacher,there should be more like her.(Not sure its a good idea for a child to go somewhere just because their friends do though,as they never expand their friends circle and wheres good for one may not be for their friend,?)family is different,as theyre of the same outlook,and parents are attending same parent evenings,meetings etc all in one place at same time,and school knows any family reasons etc if a child isnt doing well at any time.Plus younger child has older one to go to if theres a problem,or they fall ill etc.so they know theyve someone to rely on if need be.

Not sure its a good idea for a child to go somewhere just because their friends do though,as they never expand their friends circle and wheres good for one may not be for their friend,
I agree with that; however, I do wonder why none of her friends are taking the exam as well?

I dont know if its same for every grammar school,but yes the one one in our area was a fee paying school also,and they only had a few places offered for scholarship pupils,which was always massively over applied for taking the exam,my daughter and her younger brother were very lucky to sit this as not everyone who applied got the chance,i think they sifted through applications and chose the brightest children(denoted by previous school tests/reports etc)if not you could pay about £3000 to attend the school.the other 'grammar' which was called 'free grammar' was really one at all,but was a paying school i think.

Am I missing something but I can't see any mention of the 11+ in the original post. I suggest this is about SATs tests, which children are required to take.
Practise papers are often given to children so that they can become familiar with the presentation and thinking involved in these tests and then there are no surprises when the actual test comes round. On test day the child will be doing something routine and familiar and should be quite relaxed about it.
I would suggest that the parents go and speak to the child's teachers and tell them how stressed she is.
We always told the children not to worry because the tests were just to see how good their teachers were at teaching. I have known some teachers who do worry about the results because they do reflect the teaching/school and as a result put undue pressure on the children . I hope this is not the case here.
Maybe the parents can sit and do the practise tests with the child. Make it a game.