Thoughts and opinions:

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Oh dear, and I thought you found me hilarious. Didn't realise it was just in the short term though and that so soon you would find me ultimately boring.

Such is life.

Any reason. When the relationship between adults (be they spouses, siblings, parents, cousins, friends, etc.) is no longer positive to helpful to both parties, then if someone is inclined to estrange they can. No one is obligated to a relationship with someone, outside of parents and their minor children.

Wow, this is way over the top. How do we alert GN to this? I think this thread has gone beyond debate.

I've reported the last couple of posts notentirely because they seemed to be almost threatening in their content towards another poster. As you say, well beyond debate.

Why contact with my sister was severed (you might want to make a cup of tea first even though I've cut a much longer story short).

I have one sibling that no-one in the family has had any contact with for the last fifteen years (and some far longer than that). She was always very difficult. I still have a scar on my backside from when she stabbed me with a pair of scissors when she was ten.

My husband thought I'd exaggerated what she was like and assumed the stab incident was probably an accident until he met her and afterwards described her as one of the most viciously unpleasant people he'd ever met. He's been blind for decades and she'd deliberately move things to disorient him and then tell him he was pathetic and useless and I'd only married him out of pity. We were only up there for my mum's 70th surprise birthday party and had there been a convenient B&B there's no way we would have stayed in her house (mum's place was already full of grandchildren, to her great delight).

I'd always maintained contact for my Mum who was distressed that fewer and fewer family members allowed any contact with difficult sister with each passing year.
Finally there was just me and my little sister & she cut off contact after difficult sister lied to her and said she had cancer and needed money. My little sister discovered (after transferring money to her) that it was a complete lie.
I always knew she was a liar & a thief (and she and her husband were not short of money at all). She'd conned me out of money before. I think she got a thrill out of conning people.

I nearly cut off contact after I couldn't contact my mum by phone (I lived hundreds of miles away whereas difficult sister lived ten minutes drive away). She said she'd spoken to her twice that day and had also taken round some shopping and made her lunch.

This was a complete lie and my mum had fallen down the stairs and wasn't found until the next day when my little sister took the day off work & drove up (a three hour drive) which she only did because she couldn't get an answer on the phone either and checked with BT there wasn't a fault on the line and broke in through the back door. My mum had been lying there with a broken leg for possibly as long as 48 hours. She was dehydrated and in terrible pain.

I continued to maintain contact on a strictly neccessity only basis until my mother died. The last three years of my mum's life were spent in a nursing home as she had several strokes and lost mobility (but not her marbles).

One of the nursing staff told me that difficult sister stopped visiting after my mum (never a swearer or a shouter, she loathed confrontation) screamed at her to f*%# off after difficult sister was really rude to my mum's favourite carer.

My father was a deeply unpleasant man too although he didn't lie or steal and wasn't violent . The one trait they shared was sheer nastiness. He died relatively young (61) and we discovered he'd cut my mum out of his will five years after he married, leaving her homeless & penniless when he died, after forty miserable years of marriage. Even his pension was signed over to his older brother who had actually pre-deceased him by several years (colon cancer).

Mum couldn't afford to challenge the will and didn't have any fight left in her so all the siblings except difficult sister gave mum what they'd been left when his considerable debts had been paid so she could buy a small place in Scotland. There was no way she could afford to stay in London.

The worst thing was it left her isolated from all her friends and the rest of her family. My difficult sister begged her to move close to her but to be honest I have no idea why, unless to isolate her even further because people dreaded running into difficult sister and avoided visiting.

OutsideDave, I felt a certain amount of obligation to carry on a relationship with my mum- And I have- Prior to deciding to do that I walked away- I had to find it in my heart to forgive her, accept her for who she is while maintaining my boundaries in order to make it work- I love her-

To suggest that Smileless is without morals, is deeply insulting and offensive and is nothing to do with the original discussion. It was just a personal attack.

Yes it was Chewbacca but you know what I think it's good that other posters see posts of that nature. It says so much about the poster who makes them.

Thank you for your support.

LondonGranny it can be so hard, if not impossible for others to comprehend such terrible behaviour, it would have made more sense for your DH to believe that the scissor incident with your sister was an accident rather than a deliberate attack.

Sometimes it's beyond our comprehension to believe, never mind accept the damage that one person can do to another and an entire family.

Our experiences are nothing in comparison to yours and we still find what's happened to us hard to believe and understand.

I can completely understand why you cut off your sister LondonGranny; I'd have done so too. Funny isn't it; you're told, lie after lie, after lie, for years and years, and you take it, move it aside and carry on. But then there's that one lie too far and.... that's it. Done. No going back. No more turning the other cheek and trying to smooth it over "because it creates an atmosphere". Just no. And move on.

It's the 'straw that breaks the camel's back' isn't it Chewbacca.

You move on and when you look back you sometimes wonder why it took you so long.

Staying was a bad idea, I can't even sleep now. I haven't meant to cause any problems here.

Precisely that Smileless. But it was many years ago now and I've long since moved on with my own life. It's regrettable that it had to be done and I wish it hadn't been necessary, but, in an odd kind of way, it made me a much stronger person and helped to equip me for other challenges later in life. I regret none of it.

I hope for peace of mind for all those who are still in turmoil with their own estrangement; whoever they're estranged from.

That's a positive and the right attitude Chewbacca.

Which ever side of estrangement we're on it's regrettable that we had to experience it but it can make us stronger and knowing that we somehow managed to survive what ever trauma we've been subjected too, gives us strength and courage to face what may be to come.

Peace of mind is what I think we all hope for and like you, I hope that those who have yet to find it, will do so what ever the cause of their suffering may be.

LostChild, I think it takes courage to make an effort-

To do what Rose?

I'm tired and fed up today. Tomorrow is a new day.

Smileless, you're like we we we we all the way home- Its a collection of stories in a thread, not a collective story- Why would you desire to tell someone else's story other than your own? I know others might reply that they don't mind but isn't allowing others to define who you are one of leading reasons people resort to estrangement to begin with?

LostChild, to open a thread and encourage discussion and inquiry-

Oh I hope so

Why do people throw out the idea that two separate members are one in the same and that their participation in the discussion is no more than a wind-up? It's not the first time I've come across the accusation- Is it a wind up?

+Rosecarmel* same old, same old..... some people come to a forum like hurt and angry and intending to cause trouble. Having seen now another thread that's been running recently, I've reported certain posts here too (actually did it yesterday) but so much is allowed now on social media. Some things might be better discussed in a closed group.

... that was meant to be 'come to a forum like this.

I tend to take all forum comments with a pinch of salt. It's quite common on forums for a poster to create an alias/friend to back them up, agree with them and maybe gang up on someone else. Some people see things only in black and white. They are desperate to be 'right' and also (in their own minds) to prove any different views as 'wrong' somehow.

Quite often, a post or comment just doesn't ring true. We are naturally suspicious (or unbelieving) of it without quite knowing why. Maybe the facts have been exaggerated or embellished in some way and appear unlikely to others with real experience. There's a fine line between memory and fiction.

What is striking (and very sad) about this post is the lack of genuine support, constructive discussion and range of views (the useful stuff) and the unnecessary arguments, bitchiness and accusations instead!

Sometimes things just don't seem to fit Hetty you get a gut instinct quite early on when you see replies from a poster you haven't come across before.

You give them the benefit of the doubt and hope you're wrong but if you are right, they reveal themselves in the end.

My jaw has just hit the floor! People create second identities to back them up on forums?! You're not kidding I imagine? Wow what an innocent little good girl I am. I need another cup of tea!