Finding being a long distance nanny so painful

I love the idea of the "Magic stone"! How do you cope with the anxiety of problems over there as in absentgrana case? Being a person anxious by nature the distance doesn't help.

BlueSky When 19-year-old absentdaughter was expecting her first baby, she was living a 2-hour drive away from the hospital with a road over a very steep hill. Quite late one evening, shortly before the baby was due and I was due to fly out to New Zealand, she rang me to tell me that she thought real contractions had started (as opposed to Braxton Hicks). I'm afraid my response was to ask her, "What do you want me to do? Boil a kettle?" Must have had more than one glass of . Fortunately, she thought this was funny.

Happily it was a false alarm and I was there in time to welcome the first of my five grandchildren.

Good answer absent! Yes for a lot of things we just can't dash over there as we would if it was the local hospital, and I guess we got to learn to live with it.
You are right Gally the goodbyes are always sad, having got used to be with them for several weeks, still planning the next trip as soon as possible helps a lot and give us something to focus on. You all seem to have such a positive attitude which is very comforting for us long distance grandparents.

Hi, I am new on here too. My daughter announced to me this week that she, husband and two darling grandsons,aged 3 and 18months are going to return to Oz next year. Her husband is Australian, they lived there for three years before the children were born.They have been back here for the past nine years. I have looked after both boys while she works and i see them every day. I can't believe that I will not be involved in their lives so much in the future. i know they will have a better lifestyle over there and can only be happy for them although it hurts terrible. thanks for all the good advice I have read on here.

nannypc how difficult this is for you, I'm so sorry that you are having to cope with this news. There are lots of us here with very similar stories and we all support each other. Very bravely you say that they will have a better lifestyle over there but I really do understand what you're going through at the moment. Just over a year ago my DS, partner & DGD made the move to Canada and it has been a really tough time
for you

During this visit, and because my circumstances changed somewhat drastically earlier this year, I have been giving serious thought to the possibility of acquiring a property here in Oz so I could live partly here and partly in the UK. However, I think I have decided, not only because the exchange rate is not in my favour, but because of the lifestyle for oldies, oops I mean those of us who are more advanced in years in this area is not exactly to my taste (!) to remain with the status quo for the time being. So long as I can afford to travel and am able to, then I will just have to carry on visiting. One of my other daughters needs help at the moment (not going into details, but there is a big problem within her family) and I couldn't contemplate leaving her to it. I suppose that if I get past the travelling, I could pay for D2 and some of the gc's to return to the UK for visits. If I were 30 years younger, then yes, I would move out here but I am too entrenched back home

nannypc This must be very difficult for you, particularly as you've been involved with your grandchildren on such a regular basis. I was never in that position so I've never known anything different to how it is now. It must be so tough but I'm sure you'll make the best of the remaining time you have with them.

gally Looking ahead to the 'getting past travelling' option - we have come to some very similar conclusions! We looked at getting somewhere in the States, but I have another married son in London, and if we'd moved out there, and the London lot had kids, then the situation would be the same, just in reverse! So we are well placed here for the foreseeable future.

Thank you for your kind replies. i am sure I will need your support when the time comes. I am trying not to think of it too much ( which is hard, its on my mind most of the time) I want just to enjoy the valuable time I have left with them. its time to start saving in ernest for the visits I shall be making. Thanks once again.

nannypc I too have 2 of my 3 grandchildren living in the States. It is very hard, especially when you know they are finding things a bit tough and you long to be there to help out.
If you haven't got it already, get a webcam and Skype. Of course it is not the same, but it does help a little to be able to see them and speak when you want to.

Hi folks. Another seasoned long distance nana here (as some of you know). That is right jane - they are not always "having a nice life" - sometimes the kids are ill, the parents are exhausted and there is nobody who can lend a hand. Dammit.
I am really grateful that mine have recently visited and that the 4 year old now knows where i keep disappearing off to! We do have to find things to be grateful for don't we. That is one of the things that people get better at as they get older apparently.

Exactly JessM that's my worry, when things don't go as they should, health wise, money wise or relationship wise. The distance only makes things worse, so what can you do?

My long distance relationship with my three grandchildren is only 6 hours drive away. But because I get panic attacks in cars, it may as well be the other side of the world.

Our son is a WO2 in the Army and is stationed in north Yorkshire. Because he is so busy (and a bit selfish) they haven`t been down to see us for two years.

We went up last November (I had to take tablets to enable me to travel) and it was wonderful to be with them all.

We miss them so much that it hurts.

Our other son is getting married in November, and his future wife has two daughters. One is 15 and one is 8.
I thank God for those two girls, as they call me Grandma already and give me so much love.

Hello to all grandparents with absent children and grandchildren. I too have written about this before on Gransnet. My son and his wife went to NZ 2 and a half years ago and it broke my heart as I am very close to my son. They had their baby girl 15 months ago and I saw her for a week soon after she was born. Since then I have had only the occasion skype view of her. That is until this month when they came over for a couple of weeks.
I met them at the airport and my grandaughter was a stranger who had no idea who I was! so heartbreaking! and I hadn't really got to know her while she was here for which I actually felt fortunate! because of her age she was running around everywhere and not that interested in cuddling strange women! It's not an ideal way of coping with the pain but mine was not to allow myself to fall in love with her!
Luckily I have another younger grandchild who I see regularly as my daughter lives relatively nearby-and I just try not to think too much about my little Kiwi girl.
In answer to 'does it get any easier'-no not really- but as with any grief (and this is similar to a bereavement) you learn to come to terms with it. I actually find it harder when I see the family again and have to say goodbye than it is not to see them at all. I did enjoy their visit though and had some precious days with all the family. It's never enough though and once they have gone I just concentrate on the family I have nearby and try not to think about how much I miss the ones that aren't.

I meant also to say that I have realised finally that I have to let my children go and lead their own lives and that I am not the most important person to them anymore (and neither should I be). It's a hard lesson to learn and I think that because I went through a divorce just at the time my children were leaving school and university I tried to hang onto them longer than I might have done. In the same way-grandparents are nice to have around but not compulsory if you live in a place like Wellington where your parents lead a better life than they would back here in the UK.

It's when things go wrong that the pain of separation becomes truly hard and it's true whether the problem is a huge one or something more minor.

Absentdaughter rang to today clearly in a sad state and as she related the following story she sobbed down the phone. Last week my elder granddaughter's pregnant cat – little more than a kitten herself – went missing for 24 hours. When she reappeared, just as absentdaughter and her husband were about to go to a funeral she was obviously unwell, so they took her to the vet before rushing off. Turns out she had swallowed poison, probably antifreeze. The vet put her on a drip to see if he could flush out her kidneys but after a couple of days rang to say that they should come to say goodbye. Absentdaughter took my inconsolable car whisperer of a granddaughter with her and they sat with Rosy for a couple of hours, then Dad came to take my granddaughter home, while absentdaughter stroked little Rosy as the vet put her to sleep.

At absentdaughter's request he delivered the three premature kittens and she returned home with one dead cat (to be buried in the garden) three minute balls of fluff, a feeding tube and a can of kitten milk powder. She has been feeding them at two-hourly intervals day and night. Sadly, one of them didn't make it and she thinks she may have got the feeding tube in the wrong place and blames herself for being "the worst person in the world".

Fortunately, the other two are doing quite well and are now able to suck on a tiny teat in a tiny bottle. With luck the Rosebuds will survive. Meanwhile absentdaughter is not only getting up during the night to feed them but also to breastfeed baby Finn whose sleep patterns do not coincide with the kittens.

Obviously I said everything I could to comfort her and reassure her that she was doing remarkably well but oh how I wish I could give her and my sad little granddaughter a hug and a kiss – and set my alarm for night-time kitten care.

It can have good moments, though. Last weekend we made a surprise dash across the channel for DG's seventh birthday. Ny daughter said our present was coming by special delivery and sent her to the gate to collect it. Her surprise and delight when she saw us made for a very special moment.

How lovely Mamie . Hope the cake was a triumph!

Oh dear absent!! That is sad. One wonders what sort of shape the kittens are in if mother was so ill. I guess they must be tough to have lasted this long.
Just seen your Sept post speldnan. Wellington is indeed a lovely place to grow up and well done for moving yourself on. It is a hard lesson isnt it, that all us grandparents need to learn.

Cake was fab, thank you. Chocolate and raspberries in the end!
Um smile, but where are square brackets on the iPad?

When the numbers are displayed, press the #+= sign on the right

JessMI have photographs. Small but feisty with their feeding bottle. I have hopes. Absentdaughter reckons that the one who is a piggy is a boy and the other, slightly more reluctant one, is a girl.

I have been spending quite a lot of time writing an e-mail to my granddaughter to show that I care about what has happened and how impressed I am with her Mum's care for the Rosebuds without causing a storm of distress.

absent - my daughter inherited a cat with her house in Wakefield and she surprised her by producing four kittens - she had given birth under the house and then carried them one by one to safety under the chicken house!
My daughter already had an indoor cat and two dogs, so she kept the kittens until they were weaned and then advertised them locally. They all went overnight,to friends at the Riding for the Disabled. (The outdoor cat then became another indoor cat, but spends all her time in my gd's bedroom and ignores the other animals).

JessM Thanks for a kind posting – I know how much you hate cats. Sorry that hasn't quite come out right. I just meant that it was thoughtful of you to make a kind comment when this is all a but outside your territory. Shut up absent.