Trying not to worry but......

Good for you icbn.

FullH3art* - I feel your response shows sadly limited supportive as I could be to my DD1. My post was also met with some derision and insensitivity that nearly put me off CN for good at the time.

This should be a safe and kindly space to explore what is sometimes complex and emotionally charged territory. I understanding. When I first joined GN I voiced similar anxieties - all part of trying to work out how to be as for one was distressed and really knocked off kilter to find myself reacting negatively to certain dynamics surrounding the birth if my first grandson. I did not expect any negatives at all and certainly did not want to burden my DD with my own 'issues' so sought advice here.

Funnily enough, in my experience of raising four children, teaching hundreds, supporting new mothers, bereaved families and people with mental health difficulties, the concept of 'get over yuorself' has never yet proven to be helpful ...

If you read around other threads ... I think feeling the need to address this / defend people in need was the beginnings of my grumpy-woman-syndrome today!

I have wanted to give a measured response and am sorry if I have failed, but I passionately believe it is okay to express sadness, weakness and doubt and not unreasonable to expect it to be met with compassion and kindness.

"FullH3art* - I feel your response shows sadly limited supportive as I could be to my DD1. My post was also met with some derision and insensitivity that nearly put me off CN for good at the time."

Oh bother! that first paragraph went badly wrong. it should have read something like...

...I feel your post shows sadly limited understanding. When I first joined GN, I posted about similar anxieties to icbn. I was trying to work out how to be as supportive as I could be for DD1, but had been surprised and somewhat knocked off kilter by experiencing a wealth of complex and sometimes negative emotions that I did not want to transmit to her, or burden her with. My post was also met with some derision and insensitivity that nearly put me off CN for good at the time."

As I have posted elsewhere - GN seems a lot friendlier these days.

Goodness me, it gets worse - really do not know what happened there in paragraph two either - obviously too het up to check properly - apologies for anyone trying to make sense of it - hope you get the gist anyway! And yes. I am previewing before posting now!

It is a minefield when your daughter becomes a Mother or can be , we worry about being a 'pushy parent' just for caring and it does hurt to be kept at arms length or even be pushed away completely which happened in my case , my daughter has even talked about emigrating with her husband and my Grandchildren for a better life outside the UK and is so independent it does hurt sometimes but I have decided to always just make sure I have contact with her and make arrangements to get together and she has recently agreed to a family holiday together which has never happened since she was a teenager! So take it as it comes and don't give up on persuing contact and get togethers as sometimes I think my daughter does not even like me but I reckon she does like me more than I think , well she does now and it took time and consistency and not giving up
P.S I think they have scrapped the plan to move abroad although I still have to be prepared for that and 'carry on loving'

That's it in a nutshell, isn't it: 'Carry on loving!'

It is - hopefully - something we can do unconditionally (without being a doormat).

It's one thing I've always said & felt ' unconditional love'. I have 5 daughters so over the years have had a few run-ins though to be fair & honest there's not really that many I recall. So we've had our moments and as a memorable comment I remember another mum saying "Sometimes I don't even like you much but.....I'll always love you"
Pretty much sums up my years of parenting!

I felt like that with my second child. Can I love this child as much as my first?

I had the same feeling with my DGS2 you get to "fall in love" with them.
DGS2 was wary of us appearing every two weeks or so from when he was eight months, (the age when many babies become wary of strangers) and cried when we appeared. Then he realised we were not scary. He is now a lovely friendly wee lad.