lack of seeing my grandchildren

Sorry Norah have to disagree ‘after church’ sounds as if it’s just a matter of ‘seeing’ them with others around so not special time and the other times says ‘if I m lucky’ which implies it’s very as hoc but of course you can put a slant on it if you wish to back up your harsh original post

I understand that you feel excluded moggie because you hardly see your grandchildren.

Have you tried to put yourself in the other grandmother’s position? She has lost her son. There is no worse pain than losing your child, but losing your husband, the father of your children must run a close second.

So we had two people here, desperately grieving, holding on to each other for mutual support.

It’s not that you are being deliberately excluded. It’s simply that they are trying to cope the best way they know how.

How much support have you given to the other grandmother yourself? I’d suggest that if you can arrange to meet up with her now and then, and really listen to the poor woman, without withering on, about how you feel then you might start making some headway.

It’s very early days in this grieving process. You can either make yourself into a stepping stone or a stumbling block.

Your choice.

You have put it in a nutshell Old Meg.
Moggie I hope you can start to see things differently, trust me, YOU will be happier for it.

Did you have a close relationship with your daughter before she got pregnant?

I've never been close with my mom. She's quiet and doesn't like socializing. We don't hang out or chat on the phone. She doesn't call just to check in and I don't call her to tell her about my day. We have nothing in common.

And now that I have a ten-month-old, it's very weird to see her small attempts at trying to see him. She doesn't respond to half the photos I send her. And then she'll randomly text, "can GS come over and play?" I can't even tell if that's a real invitation. Not to mention she's never once asked me to come over just to hang out. It's hurtful.

Meanwhile I see my MIL and all of hubby's family weekly for dinner. We've had our issues, but she dotes on my son. She's outgoing and I get along with his siblings really well. We have a good time. His family is just big and close and actually act like they like each other and our friends.

And then we see my parents maybe once a month, usually just to celebrate a birthday or holiday. There was no relationship to begin with. It can be hard and hurtful to only want to see your grandchild and not have put that effort in with your child. I'm not saying it applies to you, but it's just an idea.

have tried talking to my pastor ,hes also talked to mil and my daugher. but it still goes on, the more i protest the more upset i get so i say nothing. take this sunday its sil brothers childs dedication. all invited except me..but am still giving a gift and birthday gift.am a really nice person i would rather give than receieve, but would like to be invited once in a while. yes we all go to same church..and maybe things are getting slightly better as i went to tea on tuesday but had to buy tea fish and chips etc. for everyone.

Realistically, if it's your son-in-law's brother's child, it doesn't surprise me that you would not be invited. You're not the grandmother. It would be lovely if they had invited you, but you're not a close family member.

only half hour after the service in church...if they dont go to church i dont see them .if i'm ill then i dont see them. this sunday they got dedication for sil brothers child at their local church . all are going except me.so i wont see gc at church this week. i did ask to see them on tuesday as its half term but theres always an excuse,and i end up not seeing them at all except at church. and the word BIT UPSET was meant to say BIG UPSET.. all of us are grieving.esp my d and gc and inlaws family. it affects us all

Hi- I have 2 grandchildren- Close in age- I'm having a lot of difficulty with my daughter whose children they are- feeling very excluded since they were both born
So decided to
Message both my daughter and son in law and air my hurt
Saying I felt left out? Saying I didn't know who the godparents were at my first grandchilds christening-
I think
My son in law is stuck in the middle- I offered to go and see them over 3 weekends ago/ but my daughter said before I did that I needed to sort my outburst out first??
As you can imagine I'm so very hurt and just don't know what to do?
I have not been invited over since? I'm single just trying to start my own business ??
Please help I'm
At a total loss

I think you need to manage your own expectations. How often do you expect to see them? For many families, both parents work and they cherish the time they are able to spend as a family. For many families, seeing GPs several times a month isn't reasonable.

You were not required to know the godparents of your GC. That was the parents' decision. If you kicked off I don't think it's unreasonable for your DD to ask you to control yourself before you see their children.

I do think you need to think about the entire situation - how close to your daughter were you before ? Reading what you've said, it's "all about you" and what you want. Did you previously spend time with your daughter ? Most mothers who are close to their daughters already, just naturally spend time with her children . If you were not close to her before you can't just expect that you'll get time with her children as a natural thing.

Have you thought of offering to do something for your daughter - in my case I go to her place on Fridays and do her ironing. Then I pick up the children from school and take them to the park. I don't wait for an invitation, I offer to actually help out. Maybe you could do something like that, rather than complaining about the lack of contact.

You aren’t entitled to anything. You get a weekly visit. You are in their lives and yet you keep drudging things up and getting people like the pastor involved. She lost her husband. Her mil lost a son. Be grateful you didn’t lose anyone and appreciate what you have.