Toddler sleeping with mum and new boyfriend.

I am shocked at Hetty's statement too. Of course it is not right.a child sleeping in the bed with 3 different men.
Also the Mothers sells everything even the childs bed, which is to my thinking , is essential. This really would be a red flag for me, as well as the violent ex partner.
Ask the nspcc for advice.

Agree BlueBelle

A simple child blow up bed, complete with built in duvet could just go with the child, and not be left there, so could not be sold.

This very same situation has occurred with people I know. The older child told his dad about the mum's new boyfriend, sharing a bed etc. She, the child's mum, had no idea that every partner she has must have police clearance/disclosure before moving in.

Because she didn't know this, she lost custody and the father is now sole custodian. Actually his parents, who are my friends, are doing most of the childcare now and the boys' mum has limited access.

You couldn't make it up.

Just talk to your son first, and make sure he is aware, before doing anything else. This is totally wrong on all levels, but I would be mindful of getting involved too quickly before your son has had chance to put it right.

NannyWaffles : know how it feels only for me it is my daughter that does not come up to scratch no matter how much help I have given she shrugs her shoulders and does as she pleases.

Just think about the reporting side of things to NSPCC and if social services go to family and assess they will not take the children away, my daughter has sweet talked them so many times and she ends up getting loads of kids stuff donated to her and loads of vouchers from them for Argos. When I know my GC have been at risk my daughter comes out of it smelling of roses with loads of new stuff, wish I could have been like that when my children were younger but I scrimped saved and worked to get everything they needed.
Born in the wrong generation me.

Totally agree with bluebell, sodapop and others.....hetty really inappropriate replies!
Quite shocking actually.

I'm far more concerned about NannyWaffles assumptions. What kind of person assumes/implies that a couple would have sex with a small child in the bed and/or the new partner is a child molester?

Well obviously not you hetty
I would be horrified if I thought my toddler grandchild was in bed with a strange man and yes I m sure there’s every chance that ll they get ‘carried away’ if it’s a new love affair only human after all
I think you’re the one out of step here not nannywaffles

Now your just digging an unnecessary hole for yourself hetty!

The problem is, all our replies are generalisations, because we have not even met the people described in the original post, let alone knowing them well or in any case being able to recognise a potential molester. Blanket horror at any bedsharing is a bit OTT. The details make the difference.

It is quite true, as Hetty said, that in many cultures, it is the norm for parents and children to sleep in the same bed, and in others the norm for sexual activity to take place in the surrounding countryside, not in the crowded shared bedroom. In these cultures, is it perhaps also the norm that people don't change partners as often as the OP's account?

In this case, I think the social work dept needs to be aware of the situation, and the child's mother needs to be told clearly of the rules she needs to keep to if she wants part custody. The father and grandparents should be careful how they report it, though, or she could claim that they are blackening her reputation to get control of the child.

Most of the world co-sleeps. It's our Western culture that is in the minority with our separate beds. People have sex everywhere - not just in bed at night - yet it's assumed they won't refrain when the child is there. I think that's really weird - but then shouldn't NannyWaffles (logically) be worried about all the other rooms in the house, the garden, car, everywhere else they could be having sex?

It's not only about sex, it's about a child who sleeps in a bed with his Mother and 3 men who are not his Father at different times. I think that is weird
Also the Mother sold his bed where he would be safe and comfortable sleeping on his own. Why? So many red flags.
I am totally shocked at Hettys replies.

If things are so bad in the mothers home maybe your son could apply for residency .

If he has a suitable home and income and there is proof that the mother is unfit the courts will consider it.

I think the problem is that the young child is having to adjust to a variety of different men ( if reading OP correctly)& activity in the most basic of ways.
This is not a stable, suitable situation for any child. OP is right to have concerns

Bridgeit that's exactly it. I know you can only generalise as you don't know the specifics. It would be son doing the reporting if that's how this goes. Thank you for the constructive comments.

Hetty58 Where and when are they having sex then? This isn’t exactly a model mum so the OP has every reason to believe they’re sexually active when the child is in the bed.

Bringing into the discussion the fact that 'most of the world shares a bed', is a red herring in this case.

I'm interested that you thought it relevant to use the phrase cultural differences as well.

Anyway according to nannywaffles, there is a concern about all aspects of the childrens welfare whilst in their mothers care.

Don't forget this is not a nosey neighbour passing unnecessary judgement on another persons life style.

Nannywaffles has a duty of care towards her gchildren if she feels they are in a potentially abusive situation.

I'm baffled why you would jump to defend the situation hetty?

Co sleeping with a parent or step parent is a whole world apart from sharing a bed with someone who nobody actually knows that well.

Exactly what I was going to say missadventure Hetty is talking about something totally different to nannyeaffles question
Nothing at all wrong with co sleeping WITH PARENT OR PARENTS a lot wrong with a small child sleeping with a stranger
Stop digging your hole deeper Hetty you must have misread the query and don’t want to admit to misreading it if it’s not that then your thinking process about children’s safety is very very suspect

Where could a child be safer at night than right next to his mother? rafichagran says 'he would be safe and comfortable sleeping on his own'. That doesn't make any sense at all.

No, I haven't misread anything Bluebelle. I'm just surprised that conclusions are being jumped to. Unless there is evidence of child abuse or neglect there is nothing to report.

From a practical point of view, ex husbands and MILs can't expect to control or dictate to the mother.

Very suspect Bluebell I am shocked anyone would think it is ok let alone post it.

hetty you don’t make sense you keep missing the point completely, you say where would a child be safer than right next to it’s mother and I totally agree with you but that’s not what’s happening in this case the mother who has already proved to be poor at parenting is introducing a series of men and sleeping with these men in a bed with the toddler involved and who now has no bed of his own
There doesn’t have to be abuse involved it is totally out of order and an unsatisfactory arrangement for a child to be sharing a bed with two people, one a stranger and most likely sexual activity will take place unless you truly believe that this lady only ever has platonic relationships How likely is that
My word you are unbelievable

I think the assumption that they are sexually active with a child in the bed is wrong (and insulting) that's all. The child isn't always there. How can anyone know who sleeps where anyway? Child abuse (if that's suspected) can take place anywhere, not just in bed.

Both my children slept in their own beds, they were warm, comfortable and safe, they had a good nights sleep, but so did we, on one occasion when we did let one of our children in our bed, (the one I shared with my husband) We did not sleep well at all and had to get up for work in the morning. We soon put a stop to that. I am not against co sleeping ,it just was not right for us.
The above said, my child was not subjected to three different men in my bed over a space of time. This is very wrong.