Feeling fat, ugly and old

I tend to think that if you lose a stone, you drop a dress size so if you're a size 18 you could lose only 2 stone to be size 14. It's not a lot, but it would make a difference to the way you feel.

You could lose weight, have a fancy make over,get new stylish clothes then sit looking good sipping water and eating lettuce or stay as you are enjoy your garden, eat ice cream and drink wine. I do not go to family events as the worry of what to wear to fit in and making small talk with people I do not really like is not worth the few hours of the event.If you look at someone of 90 I doubt very much that you judge their clothes or figure, you simple do not notice older people and at 70 you are an older person to most. I have a sister in law the same age as me that always looks glamorous, to me however she looks uncomfortable in her high shoes and fitted clothes and must spend so much time in the hairdressers and beauticians . Stay away from mirrors there is always an old woman looking back.

They probably weren't smiling because they were hungry, staying slim as you get older is hard work and only you know if it's worth the effort. Being happy is more important than being slim.

Weddings can have bad effects on us, can't they ? We see people that we haven't seen for years, and in your case you were obliged to see your ex - family . They sound awful !

Both your same-age sisters in law sound like "mutton dressed as lamb" - I certainly wouldn't be comparing myself to them ! The fact that they didn't smile at you could simply mean that they are not nice people - you've no reason to assume that they were "shocked at how much you'd changed".

I'm a lot bigger than you - I'm a size 22 and honestly I don't compare myself to others any more. At 69 I'm happy to be alive and to be enjoying life ( just like you are, with a lovely 2nd husband !) The idea of comparing myself unfavorably to a bunch of silly women that I never see, wouldn't enter my head.

The only thing I'd suggest to you, is this. Never buy or wear a garment that you don't love. Get your hair done regularly in a really nice and youthful style. Buy a really pretty lipstick and wear it every day. And never, ever, call yourself fat, ugly or old.

Very best wishes to you xx

I think stella1949 has some very good advice. I buy one lipstick a year, usually Chanel, because I like the packaging, but buy serum, moisturiser and DD cream from Aldi. It feels like a real treat to have someone take an interest in you and advise which lipstick shades would suit you. I bought a much brighter lipstick this time and I have been surprised at how many compliments I have had on my outfits- it’s obviously the “red lipstick effect.” If you are happy with your size just try on different outfits in a store- perhaps your daughter could go with you. It’s difficult losing weight at our age, but I lost half a stone over a few months, just by cutting back, and it does make a difference. Otherwise, yes, never wear anything you don’t love, and if you have the money go through your wardrobe and declutter it mercilessly, then buy three or four outfits that you really love, perhaps in a limited but co-ordinating colour palette, then add to them gradually.

I think if you're unhappy with how you look then its up to you to change how you look.Dont do it for someone else or because you think you should look a certain way .If you do and its not what you want you'll just put the weight back on .

If you aren’t unhappy with your weight then that’s fine, but it sounds as though you have noticed it a bit more since the wedding.
But at the end of the day you have to do what makes you happy.
TBH eating lettuce leaves and plastering make up on so that I look like a 35 year old pensioner ( in the dark with the light behind me and from a distance) isn’t the look I’d be going for.
I know that I’m now a size 14 in most clothes and I’m not happy, so I need to do something about it before the cold weather and stews beckon.
Whatever keeps you happy .

Go low carb/Keto it really works. Take a bit of time to research, diet doctor is a good place to start. I love the recipes and never feel hungry. I’m making low carb seeded bread today! I had more or less given up on trying to lose weight despite very healthy eating - now I have a new lease of life! You may have to cut out on alcohol for a while but it’s worth it. X

Some people do seem to think that "thinliness is next to godliness" as if it is some sort of morality issue.
Size 18 is not that big, and who among us can honestly say we do not have a tummy.

You say jellybeanjean that you have only been married a year, I found cooking for two instead of one, caused me to put on weight.

Loosing weight later in life is jolly hard and seems to take a lot of time and effort. Is it worth it?

I expect you will feel better as the wedding recedes in your memory.

I bet you looked lovely at the wedding, and lovely doing the weeding.

I think sometimes you can get complacent. Equally we all know that being overweight is not good for our health let alone our self-esteem. I would use this as a positive experience and set you mind to losing some weight, perhaps set some sort of target, realistic that is, so you will feel better about yourself. I can relate to the harshness of photos, I recently bought a new dress, thinking it was 1950s glamour. However the photos say 1940s Grandma! Best wishes x

What ever you decide jbjean do it because it’s the right thing for you and your health, not because you think you should.

I’m trying to lose some weight to help sore knees, not a huge amount but thinking that I would be in less pain helps me at least try. I know I wouldn’t do it to change the way I look. Health so I can play with the grandchildren is my motivator. If you decide that it is in your interest to lose some weight then think about your personal motivator, it will help you.

If you decide not to make changes then do accept it as a decision without judgement, please don’t think negatively of yourself, you have a happy marriage and are working hard as your husband’s carer, there’s a lot there to be proud of.

jean I suspect it’s your DH’s comment that has upset you, more than the sight of your ex-SiLs attire, which as another poster remarked, does sound a bit like mutton dressed as lamb.
Decide for yourself if you feel happy the way you are and look. If you are, then tell yourself that it’s no-one’s business but yours. We’ve earned the right at this stage of life to be content with what we have.

But if you would like to change, go for it knowing you have your DH’s encouragement.
It’s not that hard to lose weight if you really want to. There are plenty of threads on here about it, but what has worked for me is no snacking, portion control and reducing sugar as much as possible.
Buy yourself some nice clothes. If you’re not sure what you like, take a friend with you or John Lewis have stylists to help you. Remember it’s not about what’s fashionable, it’s about what’s stylish.
Treat yourself to some new make up and perhaps a make up lesson.

But whatever you do, do it for yourself and allow yourself to feel you deserve it.

jellybeanjean
Your ex SiL who wore the gypsy style off the shoulder dress for the wedding was 'mutton dressed as lamb' and quite possibly looked a bit tarty! No matter how slim or otherwise a woman is, not many nearly seventy year olds have the equipment to wear an off the shoulder dress!
Lip liner and full make up is fine though, as long as it's not overdone or plastered on. My DGM was still putting make up on every day at the age of 94, and wouldn't open the front door if she didn't have her 'lippy' on!
So, open your make up bag (if you don't have make up, buy some) and spend three minutes in the morning making yourself feel more confident.
And.......you're not old, you're late middle aged, you're not ugly, your face has character, and you're not fat, you're fluffy

Wise words from JaneA

I don't think you have to be stick thin to be stylish at all, its just a question of finding the right size and style to suit YOU.

I also agree with Jugs in that spending a few minutes every day putting on a little bit of makeup can do wonders for your self confidence.

I know how you feel jellybeanjean
My bestest friend is just so stylish. She could wear a bin bag and still look good.
I go to visit her feeling that i look ok, hair is good and make fine, then when she opens the door i feel frumpy and old. She is the kindest person ever and would hate to think i feel this way when i am with her.

Firstly, if you are happy then don't worry what your ex family think. If you want to lose a bit of weight for yourself that's a different matter. By anyone else's standards I would be classed as thin but I still have a 'tummy'. Weight is all relative. I have a very slight frame and although not overweight have a big waist and hips and thighs. I have been on a diet for a few months now and have brought my average weight down about 5lbs. I a man not being manic about it but I'm gradually eating less.
I am doing the 5:2 diet where 2 days a week I eat only 500 calories. It works for me but everyone is different. One tip which I think works for whatever diet you are on is to drink a large glass of still or sparkling water 20 minutes before you eat and also if you feel hungry. Thirst is often mistaken for hunger. This water is just water, not fruit juice, diet drinks or squash, just plain water. Good luck and most of all be happy.

I am not a man! Should read I am

They all looked thoroughly miserable and I wondered if I was at a funeral!

Actions speak louder than words, they can't have made the photographs looked very nice! Whereas you sound like you made the most of a very special and happy occassion and rightly so. You have a lot to do so it's easy to neglect yourself and just get in with living. Don't be so hard on yourself but take your DH words as oerhaps the permission you need to guve yourself time too. Easier said than done at times but don't firget too that you could have looked like them, skinny and miserable

Firstly the photos. Delete them. He’s just a rubbish photographer. Bet you’ll look great on the professional ones.

Secondly work what you have. If you’ve got a bit of extra weight I bet your face looks fabulous. Less lines than the skinny people. Shoulders and neckline too. And men like curves!

His comment. It’s just a man thing. You tell me a problem. I tell you the solution. Sorted.

As for all the ex family. They’re ex for a reason. Keep them that way. You’re the one with the happy life!

Jellybean jean, sure you may be a little overweight but if, God forbid, you were to become seriously ill, you would be very happy to have that extra weight. Case in point, a friend of mine was diagnosed with stage 3 cervical cancer in mid June. She has lost 70 pounds since then. She was an active person, but overweight too. If she had been thin, she would be worse off now as she is struggling to eat enough. Chemo and radiation are hell on a person's body.
If you are happy, active and not bothered by your body size, don't worry. I'm sure you looked wonderful at the wedding. You aren't old, fat and ugly so don't say that. As others have said, spend 5 minutes a day in front of the mirror to look your everyday best. ????

One of the most attractive older women I know is a size 22 ish, I would say, and she doesn't wear make up.
She looks relaxed, comfortable in her own skin, and healthy.
So if I were you I certainly wouldn't worry, as long as you're generally happy with yourself.

Granset people: I love you all. Thanks for making me feel so much better about myself!

You’re welcome jean

Maybe they couldn’t smile because of the Botox, or the elasticated undergarments they were wearing to hold everything in.